Here’s a new upside of being emotionally tuned into your partner and yourself.
Posted April 21, 2025 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-future-self/202504/emotional-knowing-in-relationships
Key points
- Researchers looked at the link between comprehending a partner’s emotions and responding in useful ways.
- The researchers studied the role of self-awareness in a person’s ability to grasp their partner’s emotions.
- People who were more self-aware were also more likely to pick up on their partner’s feelings.
- People who had a better sense of their partner’s emotions were able to give support in ways that felt helpful.
Has your partner ever done the emotional equivalent of a trust fall with you? Let yourself recall both the upsetting moments and the elevating, joyful moments.
Now envision a time when you not only caught them, but you also gave them just what they needed. What was that like? Maybe you felt a calm warmth washing over you, or you gave yourself an exuberant, mental high-five. Whatever happened, you probably felt great. The thing is, because you’re a human being, you’re not going to hit the mark every time. You’re going to miss sometimes and respond to your partner in a way that doesn’t feels useful for them, regardless of whether they’re confronting a problem or walking on air.
At the same time, the difference between the junctures when you get it right and when you don’t aren’t random. So, it’s worth understanding what might improve the likelihood that you’ll be able to greet your partner with what they need and vice versa.
In a new study, a team of researchers looked at this question. They described a few fictional situations (both positive and negative) and asked people how they thought their partner would respond emotionally; this is known as empathic forecasting. They also asked people to describe the words they’d use to respond to their partner in each situation. In a notable strength of this study, the researchers took it further. They went straight to the source and asked the partners themselves, a) how would they feel in each made-up situation, and b) what would they want their partner to tell them in those moments? The extent to which people correctly envisioned their partner’s emotional experience is called empathic accuracy. The level to which people used the words their partners would have wanted to receive in each situation reflected how useful their response was for their partner. Another valuable addition in the study was that the researchers measured how aware people were about their own emotions. This allowed the researchers to look at whether there’s a link between how clear people are about their own emotional world and their capacity to imagine their partner’s feelings and give them helpful support.
The study wasn’t designed in a way that allows us to know whether emotional self-awareness causes people to get in sync with how their partner would feel. Having said that, the researchers did find a link between a person’s emotional self-knowledge and their greater capacity to foretell what their partner would feel in different circumstances (i.e., empathic accuracy). Moreover, the degree to which people were empathically clued in to how their partner would feel was connected to their ability to offer support that resonated more with their partner.
So, what can we take away from this research? Does it mean that partners just need to be more cognizant of their emotions and they’ll be mind-readers? Absolutely not. No one can or ought to be able to read their partner’s mind. What this research does suggest is that investing the time and attention in understanding your own emotional landscape doesn’t solely benefit you. It could even further your ability to get outside of yourself and step into your partner’s world. And if you operate from that space, it could allow you to empathetically step into your partner’s position and be there for them in a way that lifts them up.
References
Arican-Dinc, B., & Gable, S. L. (2025). Empathic accuracy and interpersonal emotion regulation in close relationships. Emotion, 25(3), 725–735. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0001448