This is our summary of an article first published by Forbes (written by Mark Travers). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on ForbesNew couples sometimes panic when early feelings shift. This piece helps normalise that change and offers hope that difficult seasons can lead to a steadier bond.
Key takeaways
- Expect your marriage to change over time; a hard season does not mean the marriage has failed.
- Use a short self-check on communication, finances, family ties and faith to see where care is needed.
- Watch for resentment turning into score-settling and power struggles, and address it early.
- Healthy maturity means taking responsibility for your own feelings while staying close to your spouse.
- The stages are common but not universal, and they may not come in order.
What the article says
Mark Travers writes that long marriages naturally move through highs, lows and changes, and that psychologists consider this normal. He shares a marital satisfaction questionnaire covering areas such as mutual understanding, division of roles, communication, decision-making, finances, time together, parenting, relationships with in-laws and friends, and how each spouse practises their religious beliefs. Such a check, he notes, captures only one moment in a relationship that keeps evolving.
“How you feel about your marriage next year will be different than how you feel about it today.”
Mark Travers
He then describes six stages researchers have identified. In the first, each spouse delights in caring for the other. In the second, unmet expectations bring disappointment, and efforts to please can become a way of trying to win back the early closeness. In the third, hurt turns to anger and a struggle for control over things like money and time, which in severe cases can lead to serious betrayal. In the fourth, tired spouses stay committed but pour their energy into shared projects such as children, a home or careers.
In the fifth stage, each person stops expecting the other to meet every need and becomes more self-reliant. In the last, spouses accept reality, take responsibility for their own emotions and become more fully available to each other. Travers stresses that not every couple goes through every stage or in this order, and that any marriage can improve.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Couples who married with high hopes can feel alarmed when the first glow fades, and some quietly conclude they chose wrongly. This article offers a calmer view: change is expected, and difficult seasons can lead to a more mature, patient love. Our tradition values sabr and mercy precisely for these stretches of married life. Spouses who learn early to name disappointment kindly, rather than letting it harden into resentment, give their marriage room to grow. Seeking wise counsel during a hard season is a sign of care, not failure.
Originally published by Forbes. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
