Without purpose, a marriage becomes a soulless relationship standing on tradition—like worship devoid of love—even if both individuals are living together happily.
Maryam Bashir, 16th November 2024
Marriage has become one of the most challenging issues faced by the Muslim Ummah in modern times.
The advancement of technology and the rise of social media have led to societal evolution and transformed cultural dynamics influencing how individuals perceive relationships today, particularly marriages.
The increasing rates of divorce and marital instability have also raised serious concerns about modern marriages that need to be addressed, some of which will be explored in this article.
Marriage as Tradition or Part of Faith?
Exposure to broadcast and social media has shifted the focus of youth away from the true essence of things, making them more inclined toward worldly pleasures and desires. This shift has reduced marriage to a means of satisfying materialistic wants, overlooking its essence and its deeper significance as a part of faith.
Consequently, the concept of Islamic marriage is being distorted, reducing it to a mere tradition rather than an act grounded in spirituality and religious commitment.
When it’s said that Islam is a complete code of life, it means that it encompasses all aspects of a believer’s life, and emphasizes the essence of acts of worship more than their outward forms. Marriage, in Islam, is a Sunnah and hence is deeply linked to a believer’s faith, so it shouldn’t be looked at as just an outward practice.
Redefining the Goal of Marriage as an Act of Worship
Without the soul, any act of worship becomes merely a tradition. Similarly, the soul of a Muslim’s marital relationship lies in its purpose. Just as our life and death have a purpose, so does marriage.
Without purpose, a marriage becomes a soulless relationship standing on tradition—like worship devoid of love—even if both individuals are living together happily.
Thus, the goal of marriage extends beyond merely achieving a happy life and an unbreakable relationship. For a believer, a successful marriage centers around the purpose and essence of the marital relationship, which is to seek the pleasure of Allah, much like the fundamental purpose of every other act of worship.
The Prophet (SAW) states: “Whoever Loves for the sake of Allah and hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah and withholds for the sake of Allah, he will have perfected his faith.” (Abu Dawud 4681)
Thus, two people living together solely for worldly reasons cannot truly define a successful and thriving marriage. In Islam, the essence of a successful marriage lies in staying together for the sake of Allah, united by a shared purpose and goal: to seek His pleasure and to draw closer to Him.
Choosing a Partner and Overcoming Unrealistic Material Expectations
It’s no exaggeration to say that, for a person inclined toward religious values, the choice of a spouse decides whether marriage becomes a journey towards Allah or is reduced to mere a cultural ritual.
Today, the criteria for choosing a life partner have largely shifted from Deen and character to materialistic traits such as wealth and appearance, and hence, modern marriages have almost zero involvement of Deen.
From choosing a spouse to the events involved, almost everything is Duniya. Marriage nowadays is typically rooted in romantic love and mutual commitment, with little connection to its spiritual significance.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, in the famous hadith:
“Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty, and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari (5090), Muslim (1466))
The Hadith emphasizes marrying a religious spouse not only because they are more likely to fulfill their obligations towards you, but also because an Islamic marriage, as part of faith, calls for a partner chosen for the sake of Allah and aligned with the preferences of Allah and the Prophet (SAW).
A true and faithful believer loves Allah’s pious worshipers and forms relationships for the sake of Allah, not for worldly gain or merely because the other person fulfills certain responsibilities. A person who builds friendships and companionships for Allah’s sake, regardless of material benefits, has truly perfected their faith.
While these other aspects can be blessings within a marriage, they are not the primary goal. When we prioritize worldly preferences, we risk compromising our faith for the sake of tradition, potentially losing whatever Deen remains. By minimizing exposure to platforms that amplify worldly desires, and setting our priorities right, we can address many issues facing marriages today.
A healthy and successful marriage is rooted in choosing a partner who exemplifies piety, humility, and modesty—a true role model for future children in terms of faith.
The Quran offers guidance on this by not only encouraging believers to prioritize religious values in a spouse but also refraining from looking at the things that fuel materialistic, desire-driven expectations.
Allah states in the Quran:
“O Prophet! Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears….”. (The Qur’an, 24:30-31)
The concept of lowering the gaze extends to social media as well, where it involves refraining from looking at and admiring the opposite gender – including so-called celebrities – or engaging with content driven by desires.
The Rights of a Purpose-Oriented Marriage and Generational Impact
Just as spouses have rights over each other, marriage itself also has rights. Limiting marriage to a union of habit and form restricts its potential and deprives it of its true rights which include making it fruitful and passing on its spiritual benefits to future generations.
If we neglect the rights of marriage and fail to focus on its productivity, it turns into just a purposeless mess of worldly tasks.
Approaching marriage with a mindset focused on parenting can prevent many issues that a person might otherwise have to face after marriage. Therefore, marriage should be seen not as something as shallow as finding a partner to share life with, but as choosing a partner with the same values, mindset, and preferences with whom to raise children.
The Prophet (SAW) said: “Teach your children three things: love of your Prophet, love of his Ahl al-Bait, and the recitation of the Quran.” (Al-Jami’-ul-Saghir, vol. 1, p. 14)
We must bring back the time when the love of the Prophet (SAW) was a common practice and the basis of every human relationship. To achieve this, we must first nurture that love in our hearts and choose a spouse who embodies the Prophet’s ﷺ love in this world.
Shaykh Muhammad Aslam beautifully states: “The early generations didn’t choose their wives based on beauty, wealth, or style, but rather on how deeply they would weep upon hearing or uttering the name of Sayyiduna Muhammad ﷺ. That’s true beauty.”
The salvation of the Muslim Ummah and future generations lies in this very principle. Raising children with a deep love for Deen and the Prophet ﷺ, rather than molding them to fit today’s societal standards, is essential.
Islam provides comprehensive guidance to help partners achieve harmony and unity of vision, ensuring successful, lasting marriages and laying the foundation for morally upright, religiously inclined future generations.
A Practical Approach to Implementing Islamic Solutions
A practical approach to implementing religious solutions in modern times, without exhausting yourself with lengthy social media “talking stages” that drain spiritual energy and mislead the youth, would be to develop and implement a comprehensive pre-marital curriculum taught from a young age and advancing through basic to advanced level matching each stage of maturity, which would guide youth on how to be a potential spouse and how to approach one according to the Quran and Sunnah.
However, teaching the curriculum alone isn’t sufficient; Young people should be exposed to real-life scenarios and practical case studies to assess how they behave and handle critical situations in daily life, and whether it aligns with religious values.
Rather than limiting their understanding to only the dos and don’ts of marriage and spousal rights, a mechanism that addresses all issues and explores solutions from a religious perspective to assess moral growth and upbringing would be valuable, like procedures we have to monitor the intellectual growth of kids at every stage. Merely expecting them to marry after cramming all the dos and don’ts won’t be effective.
Along with the traditional approach of scrutinizing a person for marriage (without asking awkward questions)—such as learning about their whereabouts and family background—a comprehensive evaluation technique can be implemented, including but not limited to questions related to important but relevant aspects of religion about a person’s basic knowledge of Aqidah, Fiqh, the rights and obligations of spouses, and his approach regarding the purpose of marriage and culture, etc.
Additionally, a wisely developed aptitude test from a religious perspective and psychometric evaluation would provide valuable insights into a person’s interests, thoughts, inclinations, personality, character, and how they practice Deen in their daily life.
Such assessments would help reveal whether the person is capable and qualified to contribute equally to a purpose-driven marriage, or whether they would drag the other person down resulting in an apparently happy and successful but purposeless relationship.
Although such practices have already been adopted in career hiring and other worldly aspects, it’s high time to establish a mandatory study course and upgrade the scrutinizing process according to the needs and challenges of this time with a focus on religious principles when it comes to something as important as marriage.
May Allah not make us the people of desires, but the people of piety and modesty, and allow us to marry for His sake, live for His sake, and propagate religion in our generations solely for His sake, Ameen.