This is our summary of an article first published by MuslimMatters (written by Abdullah Hasan). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on MuslimMattersMany couples love each other sincerely but miss each other's signals. This piece gives that common problem a framework and roots it in the Sunnah.
Key takeaways
- Learn which ways of receiving love matter most to your spouse; they may differ from yours.
- Speak appreciation aloud, both privately and, where appropriate, in front of others.
- Share household tasks willingly, following the Prophet's ﷺ example of serving his family.
- Small, thoughtful gifts on Eid or ordinary days can say a great deal.
- Protect regular time alone together, especially once children and commitments multiply.
What the article says
Shaykh Abdullah Hasan starts from the idea that everyone carries an emotional love tank, and that many marital problems come from that tank running low. Because people differ, we tend to show love the way we would like to receive it, then feel frustrated when a spouse does not respond. The issue, he argues, is usually not a lack of sincerity but a mismatch in how love is communicated. He draws on Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages and explains why Muslims can benefit from useful wisdom wherever it is found.
“The problem is not the sincerity of our love or that we do not love our spouse; the problem is that we are speaking the wrong love language.”
Abdullah Hasan
He then walks through the languages with examples from the Sunnah. For words of affirmation, he notes the Prophet ﷺ named Aisha as the person he loved most, praised his wives openly, spoke gently and never raised his voice or hand at them. He encourages husbands in particular to say I love you rather than seeing it as unmanly. For acts of service, he mentions caring for one's appearance and cleanliness, and the Prophet's ﷺ habit of helping at home, sewing, sweeping and mending.
On gifts, he stresses thoughtfulness over cost. On quality time, he urges couples to protect private time together, with a pointed reminder to busy community workers whose families may feel neglected. Physical closeness is the fifth language Chapman describes.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
We often see two good people who care for each other yet feel unappreciated, simply because they express love in different ways. This article helps spouses notice that gap and close it with patience and curiosity. It also reminds readers that warmth, kind words and help at home are part of the Prophet's ﷺ example rather than something foreign to our tradition. For those preparing for marriage, a gentle conversation about how each of you feels most cared for can save years of quiet misunderstanding.
Originally published by MuslimMatters. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
