This is our summary of an article first published by The Muslim Vibe (written by Coach Taf and Victoria Matesky). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on The Muslim VibeWe like the idea of a regular, gentle check-in rather than waiting for problems. The prompts are practical and grounded in shared faith.
Key takeaways
- Schedule a regular marriage check-in rather than waiting for a crisis or a special date.
- Set shared worship goals, such as praying together daily or attending Jumu'ah together.
- Take up a health habit together, like evening walks combined with dhikr.
- Volunteer together regularly to build a shared sense of purpose.
- Talk about money calmly and without blame, budgeting and deciding on expenses as a team.
What the article says
Coach Taf and Victoria Matesky, a married pair of relationship coaches, suggest that couples should not wait for a new year or anniversary to reflect on their marriage. They recommend regular relationship audits and offer ten areas to talk through, each with an example from couples they have worked with.
“Reflecting on our spending habits without blame allows for open dialogue and understanding.”
Coach Taf and Victoria Matesky
Several areas concern faith. They encourage couples to check whether their spiritual practices are in step, and to set shared goals such as daily prayer together, attending lectures or Friday prayer as a pair, and giving in charity. They also suggest regular volunteering and creating a calm space at home for prayer, Qur'an and reflection. On emotional life, they discuss keeping each other's love tanks full through kindness, appreciation and attentive listening, learning each other's love languages, and noticing with gratitude the support each spouse has offered over the year. They briefly note that closeness begins with emotional connection and honest conversation within the limits of faith.
Other areas are practical: taking up healthy habits together, valuing the quality of time spent together over its quantity, and discussing spending and budgets openly without blame. They close by recommending outside guidance if these conversations turn into arguments, describing marriage as an important part of one's deen.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many couples only sit down to talk about their marriage when something has gone wrong. A planned, gentle check-in turns that around, making mutual consultation between spouses a habit rather than a rescue effort. The topics here, worship, kindness, health, service and money, are exactly the areas where we see couples drift apart quietly. For those still searching, these prompts also make good conversation starters with a prospective spouse and family, revealing how each person thinks about faith, money and shared life before the nikah.
Originally published by The Muslim Vibe. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
