This is our summary of an article first published by The Muslim Vibe (written by Tafazal Mohammed). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on The Muslim VibeIt names an imbalance we also notice: wives often carry the work of repair alone. It encourages shared responsibility and early help.
Key takeaways
- Repairing a marriage takes effort from both spouses, not just the wife.
- Treat shouting, interrupting and constant criticism as symptoms; look for the deeper issue behind them.
- Practise listening without interrupting or preparing your reply, and check in with each other regularly.
- Seek a qualified counsellor or coach early rather than waiting for a crisis.
- Unresolved childhood or past hurts can affect a marriage; professional help can support healing.
What the article says
Tafazal Mohammed, a relationship coach who works alongside his wife Victoria Matesky, observes that while more Muslim couples are seeking marriage support, most of that effort comes from wives. Husbands, in his experience, often join only under pressure. He describes a complacency complex in which men assume all is well and that their wives will always stay. He cites research suggesting women often withdraw emotionally long before raising divorce, and that divorced men tend to fare worse in health and mood than divorced women.
“Mutual commitment and effort are essential for a healthy and successful marriage.”
Tafazal Mohammed
He distinguishes symptoms from root causes. Raised voices, interruptions and passive-aggression point to a breakdown in communication, while ongoing blame and criticism may reflect deeper issues such as mismatched values, lack of emotional closeness, old wounds or jealousy. Without addressing these, couples remain stuck and miss the tranquillity marriage is meant to bring.
His practical steps are: both spouses committing to change, rather than placing the whole burden on the wife; improving communication through attentive listening and regular check-ins; seeking qualified help early instead of relying only on relatives; building emotional closeness, which he admits was hard for him personally; and addressing past trauma, drawing on his own experience. The article also promotes the authors' couples assessment and coaching service.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
In conversations with families, we sometimes hear that marriage support is mainly a women's concern. This article gently challenges that. A home built on mercy and consultation needs both spouses to notice problems, listen and seek help when it is needed. It is also a reminder for those searching: emotional openness and a willingness to grow are worth looking for in any prospective spouse, whatever their gender. Asking for help early is a sign of care for the marriage, not of weakness.
Originally published by The Muslim Vibe. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
