This is our summary of an article first published by SeekersGuidance (written by Fahad Faruqui). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on SeekersGuidanceImam Zaid speaks plainly about why character and faith should guide the search for a spouse. His advice for married couples drifting apart is simple and wise.
Key takeaways
- Look beyond looks, income and profession; character and faith are what sustain a marriage.
- Ask whether a potential spouse will help you in your deen and be a good parent.
- Consider whether they will stay faithful and supportive into old age.
- Spouses who feel distant can return to the shared activities that first brought them close.
- Using religious loopholes to avoid responsibility in marriage betrays trust.
What the article says
In this interview with Fahad Faruqui, Imam Zaid Shakir of Zaytuna College describes marriage in Islam as more than a social contract. He calls it a sacred, spiritual covenant in which spouses seek not only to be faithful to and please each other, but also to please Allah and deepen their relationship with Him. He sees declining faith in marriage as a symptom of wider moral and spiritual crises in society, and describes infidelity as a betrayal of the trust that a spouse and family represent.
“Character is what’s going to sustain the relationship, not good looks.”
Imam Zaid Shakir
Asked about polygamy, he explains it as a provision meant to help in situations where many women lack marriage opportunities, acknowledges that it is sometimes misused, and notes that Islam limited and regulated the practice. He is critical of temporary or loophole arrangements, describing efforts to escape the responsibilities of marriage through legal schemes as a betrayal and a sign of spiritual decline.
His advice to those searching is not to fixate on looks, income or profession, but, once those are reasonably acceptable, to focus on character and religion, since appearances fade. He suggests asking whether a person will help you in your faith, be a good parent and stay committed in old age. For married couples who feel they are falling out of love, he recommends returning to the simple shared activities, such as walks and time together, that built their bond at the start.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Imam Zaid's questions for a potential spouse are ones we encourage every family to discuss: will this person help me grow in faith, be a loving parent, and stand by me through hardship and old age? Those questions point to character, which shows itself over years rather than in a first impression. His advice to married couples is equally gentle and practical. Love is often renewed through small, shared routines, and spouses who keep making time for each other protect the tranquillity and mercy marriage is meant to bring.
Originally published by SeekersGuidance. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
