Written by Canvas of Thoughts
Scroll through Instagram or TikTok for five minutes, and you’ll likely run into a picture-perfect couple: young, glowing, sipping coffee in a dreamy kitchen, or hopping on yet another luxury vacation. It looks effortless. It looks romantic. It looks like the future we all want.
But here’s the thing — it’s not the whole story.
As someone observing trends in how the younger generation approaches marriage and matchmaking, I’ve noticed a growing pattern. Many people today talk about wanting someone who’s “well-settled,” i.e., emotionally, financially, and even socially. There’s a desire to fast-forward into a cozy life together, complete with a beautiful home, frequent travel, and all the comforts money can buy.
Social media plays a massive role in setting this scene. We are watching videos of dreamy proposals, perfect cozy apartments, and couples sharing their daily routines. However, the fact is that this is all carefully curated, filtered, and polished, which paints a picture of what love is supposed to look like. The message is subtle but powerful: if your relationship doesn’t look like this, it might be lacking.
What often gets lost in the aesthetic is the reality behind the scenes. These glimpses don’t reveal the long hours of work it takes to afford those homes, the emotional labor of getting to know someone new, or the adjustments required in the early years of marriage. They don’t show two people navigating each other’s habits, learning how to communicate, or figuring out how to deal with unexpected trials, all while rent and prices steadily rise.
And so, when someone enters marriage believing this curated dream is the standard, the day-to-day reality can feel disappointing — or worse, like a failure.
The Problem With Unrealistic Expectations
Another growing expectation I’ve noticed, especially among those seeking a spouse, is the idea that you should feel instant physical attraction or chemistry right from the start. But real life doesn’t always work that way. You might find someone attractive for their looks or facial features, but makeup, lighting, or filters might enhance those features. What truly lasts, and deepens over time, is the attraction that grows from within: from a person’s personality, character, and how they make you feel.
True beauty reveals itself through small things, for example: how someone speaks to others, their kindness, their patience, or even the way they make time for you in their busy day. Attraction builds when you start understanding each other, accepting each other’s quirks, and doing little things to bring happiness to one another.
I’m not saying physical attraction doesn’t matter — it absolutely does. But it’s not the only thing that matters. Social media often paints a very one-sided image: couples always laughing, dressed up, traveling, or achieving success together. What we don’t see are the emotional struggles, the arguments, the exhaustion, the disappointments, and the quiet moments of support during hard times. Genuine love includes all of that, too.
Reclaiming Privacy and Purpose
In a world where people share every moment online, staying private could be the healthiest choice. Privacy protects your peace, your relationship, and your ability to grow without outside pressure or comparison. Instead of scrolling through what everyone else is doing, take the time to think about what you want, i.e., what you expect from marriage, what kind of spouse you want to be, and what kind of partnership you hope to build.
Marriage is not a lifestyle trend; it’s a sacred bond. Allah has made this relationship special. It’s two different people coming together to build a life, not to mirror someone else’s version of happiness. To make it work, we must rely on one another, understand each other, and offer comfort and support when life becomes difficult.
If you’re seeking marriage, take the time to learn about it deeply. Reflect on the responsibilities that come with it, and if needed, seek premarital coaching. Start with an open mind and invite the possibility to evolve your preferences. Don’t create unrealistic expectations, but also don’t undermine your own worth. A healthy marriage begins when both people see each other as partners in growth, not as checklists of perfection.
Closing Thoughts
At the end of the day, no filter or post can capture what makes a genuine relationship last. Love doesn’t require luxury trips or perfect smiles; it’s built on patience, compassion, and the willingness to grow together through imperfect days.
Social media will continue to show reels and posts; that’s what it’s designed to do. But behind every beautiful picture, there’s a story of effort, compromise, and learning. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can focus on building something authentic. Something that doesn’t need to be posted to be real.
So if you’re searching for a spouse, don’t chase an image, seek a person. Someone who brings you peace, makes you want to be better, and shares your vision of building a life rooted in faith, effort, and sincerity. That’s far more lasting than anything you’ll ever scroll past online.