This is our summary of an article first published by Institute for Family Studies (written by Brandon McDaniel). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on Institute for Family StudiesPhones sit at almost every family dinner table now. This short research piece gives spouses a name for the problem and some gentle, workable habits.
Key takeaways
- Notice how often a notification pulls you away mid-conversation; the other person usually notices too.
- Agree together on screen-free times, such as meals or the first hour after work.
- Raise the subject kindly; criticism about phone habits can easily feel personal.
- Ask yourself honestly why you reach for the device and whether it is really needed then.
What the article says
Brandon McDaniel, a doctoral researcher at Penn State, coined the word technoference for the everyday ways devices interrupt the time couples spend together. He acknowledges that phones and tablets bring real benefits, but because they are always within reach, they easily fill every gap in the day. Some people develop heavy or compulsive use, and even moderate users are interrupted by alerts and sounds.
With colleague Sarah Coyne, he surveyed 143 married or cohabiting women about how often phones, computers, tablets and TV broke into time with their husbands or partners. Around 70 percent said these devices interfered at least sometimes. Many reported daily interruptions: technology cutting into shared leisure, the TV distracting a partner during conversation, phones checked at meals or picked up when a notification arrived. Women who reported more of this also reported more arguments about technology, lower satisfaction with the relationship, more depressive symptoms and lower satisfaction with life overall. The author notes most interruptions are probably unintentional, yet they can signal that the device matters more in that moment.
He suggests three steps: talk together and agree on shared rules for device use, reflect honestly on your own habits and how they affect your family, and set aside daily device-free time, for example at meals or after work until the children are asleep.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Being fully present with someone is a form of respect and mercy. The Prophet's ﷺ example of turning his whole attention to the person speaking to him is something many of us admire but rarely practise with our own spouses. This study is a reminder that small habits, repeated daily, shape how loved a husband or wife feels. Agreeing on screen-free times at meals or before sleep is a simple, shared commitment, and it models for children what attention and care look like in a Muslim home.
Originally published by Institute for Family Studies. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
