This is our summary of an article first published by Mental Health 4 Muslims (written by Dr. Nafisa Sekandari and Sr. Hosai Mojaddidi). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on Mental Health 4 MuslimsWritten by two Muslim mental health voices, this piece speaks honestly to singles who feel worn down by the search, without blame and with practical direction.
Key takeaways
- Trim your must-have list; looks, height and income matter far less than shared deen, character and life goals.
- Work on becoming a whole person yourself instead of expecting a spouse to fill an inner emptiness.
- Treat the search as a goal that needs your own effort, not only something others arrange for you.
- Get involved in your community so people come to know your character and can suggest you.
- Spend time with married couples to learn what married life is really like and what you need.
What the article says
The authors note that many Muslim singles, especially women, feel they have run out of options, and that counselors and scholars are seeing more sadness, anxiety and low self-worth among those who remain unmarried. Although no firm data exists, they point to the growth of matchmaking sites and community events as a sign that the number of singles is rising, and they set out several possible causes.
“Compatibility in matters of deen, personality, lifestyle, and future goals are among the most important criteria to look for in a spouse.”
Dr. Nafisa Sekandari and Sr. Hosai Mojaddidi
The first is being overly selective. Media images of romance push people toward a fixed checklist, and the authors call fixation on height, coloring or wealth shallow; compatibility in faith, personality, lifestyle and future plans matters far more, and no candidate will be flawless. The second is the belief that you are incomplete until married. Expecting a spouse to fill that gap is unfair to both people. The authors add that the well-known hadith about marriage completing half of the deen is often quoted without its second part, which urges continued God-consciousness, and they read that as a call to work on yourself first.
The third point is effort. Unless you have fully handed the process to family, you are encouraged to take an active role: be present and involved in your community so your good reputation travels ahead of you, and build friendships with married couples who can help in the search and model what married life looks like.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
The waiting season can be heavy, and we hear it from singles and parents alike. This article gently reframes it: the time before marriage is not empty, it is a chance to grow in faith and character so that you bring a settled heart to a future spouse. It also invites families to ask whether their lists reflect what truly lasts. In our experience, matches built on shared values, good character and kindness tend to weather life far better than those built on surface criteria. Patience and effort can go hand in hand.
Originally published by Mental Health 4 Muslims. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
