This is our summary of an article first published by The Gottman Institute (written by Hannah Eaton). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on The Gottman InstituteWe love this reminder that the effort of courtship should not end at the wedding. It is warm, encouraging and relevant to couples at every stage.
Key takeaways
- Marriage is a journey you keep shaping, not a destination you reach.
- Love is a choice you renew each day, especially when feelings run low.
- Keep learning how your spouse likes to be shown love as the years change you both.
- Set aside regular, protected time together, whatever your age or stage.
What the article says
Hannah Eaton tells the story of Marcy and Jack, a couple married forty years who began dance lessons to prepare for their daughter's wedding and kept coming week after week. For her, their steady practice illustrates a broader truth: healthy marriages depend on ongoing, intentional effort to stay connected.
“While love (the noun) may initially bring two people together, it is love (the verb) that makes it last.”
Hannah Eaton
She challenges three common myths. The first is that marriage is a destination, the happily-ever-after of fairy tales; in reality, even with the right person, couples face difficulty and must keep investing. The second is that love should always feel effortless. Eaton, a therapist, often hears couples say they simply fell out of love, but she distinguishes love as a feeling that brings people together from love as an action that keeps them together, a choice made each morning, especially when a spouse is hardest to love.
The third myth is that courtship belongs only to the early years. When it stops, couples can drift into living like roommates. She encourages spouses to keep pursuing each other through small gestures, to keep updating their knowledge of how the other likes to feel loved, and to protect regular time together, as Marcy and Jack still do in their sixties.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
In our community, a great deal of energy goes into the search and the wedding, and sometimes far less into the years that follow. This article is a lovely reminder that affection needs tending. Small gestures, kind words, protected time together and a willingness to keep choosing each other reflect the mercy and tenderness that should mark a Muslim home. Couples who keep pursuing one another often find that their bond deepens with age rather than fading.
Originally published by The Gottman Institute. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
