This is our summary of an article first published by Yasmin Mogahed. Read the full piece on their site.
Read on Yasmin MogahedMany of our clients feel incomplete while unmarried. Ustadha Yasmin's reflection gently reframes marriage as a beginning and a means, not the finish line.
Key takeaways
- Marriage is not the end of the story; it is where the real work of character begins.
- Being single or divorced does not make anyone incomplete or less worthy.
- Love built on what you receive from someone tends to rise and fall with feelings.
- Love that gives, grounded in love of God, is steadier and brings deeper contentment.
- If a spouse occupies the place in your heart meant for God, expect that to hurt.
What the article says
Yasmin Mogahed writes to people who have spent years searching for love, imagining it as a place they will finally arrive at after a lengthy journey. She describes this search as both painful and instructive. Those who walk it often discover that love between people may be a blessing and a means, but when it is treated as the final goal, a person may sacrifice far too much, even their dignity, chasing something like a mirage.
“That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice.”
Yasmin Mogahed
She challenges the message, repeated in stories, songs, films and by well-meaning relatives, that a person is incomplete until married, and that the single or divorced are somehow lacking. In her view the wedding is not where the story ends but where the real building starts: of patience, selflessness, character and a path back to God. If a spouse becomes the centre of one's life, the marriage itself can become a painful test until the heart is reordered.
She distinguishes two kinds of love. The common kind depends on what another person gives us and how they make us feel, which makes it unstable because feelings change. The rarer kind loves someone for who they are, sees their beauty as a reflection of the Creator, and focuses on giving. When love is rooted in love of God, she writes, the heart is freed from depending on any created thing, and that freedom is where true happiness lies.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many sisters and brothers we meet carry a quiet sense that life is on hold until they marry. This reflection offers a kinder way to see the wait. A spouse is a companion on the journey back to Allah, not the journey's end, and no one should be made to feel deficient for being single or divorced. When both spouses enter marriage seeking to give rather than only to receive, and keep their deepest reliance on Allah, they carry less pressure into the relationship and more mercy toward each other.
Originally published by Yasmin Mogahed. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
