This is our summary of an article first published by Inc. (written by Jessica Stillman).
This short piece captures something we see often: marriages rarely collapse overnight. It encourages spouses to treat love as daily action rather than a feeling to wait for.
Key takeaways
- Big crises in a marriage usually grow from many small moments of neglect or dismissiveness.
- Pay attention to the little things: a sour look, ignoring a need, half-hearted listening.
- Treat love as something you do every day, not something you simply feel.
- Notice small problems early and keep correcting course together.
What the article says
Inc. columnist Jessica Stillman draws on an interview that divorce attorney James Sexton gave to journalist Sean Illing. Her premise is that people who repair broken things often know best how to keep them working, and divorce lawyers see what breaks marriages. Sexton says couples usually arrive in his office citing major problems such as infidelity, money disputes or diverging plans, and that social media is now almost always part of the story. But he believes these are symptoms rather than causes.
“Love is a verb.”
James J. Sexton
Borrowing a line from a novel about going bankrupt, he says marriages end slowly and then suddenly. Small choices pile up: an irritated expression, ignoring your spouse when they need you, failing to give your full attention. Over time these drive people apart until a crisis arrives. Stillman compares this to fitness or success, which also build through steady small steps rather than single dramatic moments.
Sexton's remedy is the four-word phrase in the headline. He rejects fairy-tale ideas of romance and says staying in love depends on consistent small actions, such as not withdrawing to avoid a disagreement, not nitpicking, and reaching out during a tense moment. Couples who stay attentive and keep adjusting, he says, are unlikely ever to need him.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Our tradition places great value on small, consistent good deeds, and this article applies the same wisdom to marriage. A kind word, attentive listening, a softened tone during a tense moment: these ordinary acts build mercy and affection over years. Equally, small slights left unaddressed can harden into distance. For couples about to marry, the lesson is encouraging rather than frightening. You do not need grand gestures; you need steady care, humility to repair mistakes quickly, and the intention to keep showing up for each other every day.
Originally published by Inc.. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
