This is our summary of an article first published by To Love, Honor and Vacuum (written by Sheila Wray Gregoire (guest post by Leah)).
Once children and careers arrive, marriage can quietly slip down the list. These down-to-earth habits help spouses protect time and goodwill for each other.
Key takeaways
- Set aside regular time for just the two of you, even at home after the children sleep.
- Protect that time by declining other commitments that crowd it out.
- Actively search for your spouse's good points; what you focus on tends to grow.
- Assume good intentions when your spouse makes an ordinary mistake.
- State your needs plainly instead of expecting your spouse to guess them.
What the article says
On Sheila Wray Gregoire's blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum, a guest writer named Leah argues that a strong marriage takes deliberate effort, and that our calendars and spending reveal our true priorities. Her first suggestion is to show children that the marriage comes first. Her family keeps a weekly evening at home for the couple after the children go to bed early, and explains to the children that time spent strengthening the marriage makes them better parents. That means saying no to competing plans and even to favourite shows.
She then turns to attitude. Looking for reasons to be grateful for a spouse, rather than cataloguing shortcomings, transformed a difficult season of her own marriage. Where there is no abuse, abandonment, addiction or adultery, she urges assuming the other person meant well, illustrating this with her husband calmly helping after she accidentally drained the car battery. She also advises letting go of unspoken expectations and clearly saying what you need.
Her remaining tips focus on closeness: daily affection, going to bed at the same time when possible, learning each other's love language, keeping in touch through the day with warm messages, and sharing a hobby, as she does by joining her husband in his garden. She recommends starting with one habit and adding more gradually.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many couples we meet years after their wedding say their marriage drifted, not through conflict but through neglect, as children, work and extended family filled every hour. Making time for each other is not selfish; a warm, stable marriage is the foundation of a peaceful home for children too. Assuming good intentions, expressing thanks and speaking needs kindly all reflect the good character we hope spouses bring to one another. Small, steady habits, kept with sincerity, protect the mercy and affection that should grow between husband and wife.
Originally published by To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
