This is our summary of an article first published by Sajid Umar.
Words spoken in anger can wound a marriage deeply. This short piece offers simple, faith-rooted steps any spouse can practise in the heat of the moment.
Key takeaways
- Anger ranges from quiet irritation to rage; both forms need managing.
- Suppressed anger can harm health and resurface as passive aggression or cynicism.
- Work on two fronts: avoid what triggers anger, and calm yourself from within.
- Prophetic remedies include wudu, changing posture, and seeking refuge in Allah.
- When angry, stay silent rather than saying something you will regret.
What the article says
Sajid Umar opens with a painful and familiar scenario: a man who divorced his wife in a fit of anger and later regretted it. He describes anger as a natural response to perceived threats that pushes us away from mercy, restraint and kindness, and notes that it varies from mild frustration to rage that harms oneself or others.
“If one of you gets angry, he should be quiet.”
Hadith cited in the article (Musnad Ahmad)
He warns that both forms are dangerous. Anger released openly can lead to terrible deeds, while anger held inside may avoid an immediate clash but can contribute to problems such as high blood pressure and depression, or turn into passive aggression and a hostile outlook. Since anger brings real physical changes, he suggests managing it by avoiding its causes and by calming oneself internally, which he describes as a duty for Muslims.
He then cites several hadith offering practical steps: performing wudu, since anger is linked to Shaytan and fire is put out by water; sitting down if standing, and lying down if that is not enough; saying the words of seeking refuge with Allah from Shaytan; and remaining silent while angry. He closes with a prayer that Allah protect marriages and help us choose mercy when we could act harshly.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many conflicts we hear about after marriage did not begin with a serious problem but with a moment of anger that went too far. The steps in this article are simple enough to agree on together in advance: when either of you feels anger rising, pause, step away, make wudu, and return to the conversation later. Following the Prophet's ﷺ example of gentleness and self-control protects spouses from words that are hard to take back, and keeps mercy at the center of the home.
Originally published by Sajid Umar. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
