For all those who believe that the first stage of marriage, also commonly known as the honeymoon stage is all about romance and lovey dovey stuff, here is a reality check: The first year of a marriage is usually the hardest.
You’re not used to the concept of “we” not “me”. You have to learn to share, you have to learn to get along with each other and be patient with the other person’s short comings. You may not know how to deal with their anger or remorse and the learning period can be very difficult. You have to learn to manage finances together, create the initial batch of ground rules for your home. The brothers have to get used to having a female walking around their place where as the sisters have to get used to waking up in a new home than the one they have lived in their entire lives.
The reality is that the Qur’an deals with reality. So the Qur’an presents happy marriage, but at the same time the Qur’an recognizes there might be problems. We have to understand that marriage is an investment. It’s an investment. And it’s not easy. Let’s be honest, it’s not easy. We have to be careful.
During the first year, we will probably make the most mistakes in our entire marital career. I assume the sister isn’t going to always know how the husband likes his food and what his routine is and what he expects and similarly, the husband is most likely to be oblivious to the fact that the sister is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new life style.
I’m not trying to create a bad image for marriage, not at all. Yes, some parts of being the newly wed will be outstanding Inshallah but most people don’t pay enough attention to the parts where you have to cope with the other person.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”
But creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight. Inshallah with time one learns to get accustomed to things and becomes a pro at handling the other person. We discover if it’s better to leave them alone when they’re angry or to go up to them and talk it out; we learn of what makes them upset and avoid them and what makes them happy and do that more often. Marriage is a lot of work, this coming from someone who isn’t married yet. But if you play your cards right and hold up your end, the other person will Inshallah appreciate that and reciprocate. Therefore the results would outweigh all the sacrifices, and efforts put into it.
Image source: http://www.aquila-style.com/focus-points/muslimlifestyle/my-turkish-egyptian-honeymoon/41939/