Source: http://www.muslimmarriageadvice.com/extra-baggage/
When your marriage is in trouble and you’re fighting to keep it from sinking, it’s time to throw away all the extra baggage that’s not helping. You need to be at your highest vigilance in using your intellect and tackle the problems within your marriage. Anything that is causing more issues or is not a helper needs to be thrown out. In these stressful times there is only a limited amount of energy and time, not to factor in all the stress and confusion the person is experiencing at this moment in their life. Following are a few factors you should consider when making a decision in what to throw to the side:
1. Throw away the “Right!”
In your marriage if you are bent on being right and your partner being wrong then this is the heaviest baggage and must be thrown overboard first. If you want to sink faster than you will keep on piling more into this bag every time you are right and your partner is wrong. Another victory for you and another loss for your marriage. That’s right, a win for you is and a loss for your marriage, not a loss for your partner. Think carefully on the objectives in your marriage, do you want a harmonious marriage or a Mr/Mrs Right? The choice is yours but this is by far the heaviest bag you carry in your marriage.
2. What do others say or think about you?
No marriage is perfect and when your marriage is in trouble, the last thing to worry about is what others think. Every marriage experiences ups and downs – the grass always looks greener on the other side. No marriage is perfect, and if others find out or suspect that you’re having problems, don’t let that concern you.
3. Preconceived notions of how you should react.
Always take it in stride and on a case by case basis. For example many would say that if my partner ever did this or that I will definitely do this. But at that moment in time it may be more harmful to you if you did what you said you would do. So throw away preconceived ideas on what you will do and never voice these preconceived notions to your partner or anyone else for that matter. This will just put extra pressure on you at the time when something does happen and you will feel that you must follow through.
4. “Control”.
You cant control everything in your life. You can plan as much as you want but life has a way of throwing spanners in the middle of things. Sometimes our perception of control is diluted as we think we are in control of many things but in fact we are not. Always remember that the only thing you can control is your own actions and decisions and everything else is out of your control. The only thing you have is an influence and that’s all.
5. “Done me wrong.”
You have been wronged and you can’t wait to tell everyone or at least someone how you have been wronged. You just want to be known as the good guy and want to have sympathy for your situation. Throw this bag away or you will lose the love of your partner and the marriage will fall apart faster. It won’t be long before you can tell your friends about the last day of the marriage. Be discrete in who you talk to and in what you say.
6. Handle everything on your own without outside help.
Use resources anywhere you can. Don’t think you are superman or wonder woman and you can fix everything in your own marriage. It just makes good sense to use resources that are available, such as counseling.
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