This is our summary of an article first published by MuslimVillage (written by Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood).
It reads like advice from a wise elder at a nikah: honest about the challenges ahead, gently humorous, and full of practical wisdom for both bride and groom.
Key takeaways
- Make the marriage an act of worship, mindful that Allah sees everything between you.
- Love and respect are earned through conduct, from your spouse and from your in-laws.
- Your spouse is not your parent and will not excuse you the way family once did.
- Be patient with each other's early mistakes; your parents made plenty too.
- Change your own attitude rather than trying to remake your spouse.
What the article says
Delivered at the wedding of two young friends, given fictional names, this speech by Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood begins with prayers for the couple and a concern that many marriages around us end quickly. It describes marriage as a central part of faith whose purpose reaches beyond the couple to building a peaceful, secure home and benefitting the wider world. Such a home, she says, must be built deliberately with love, patience and compassion, and the Prophet's ﷺ conduct at home, which matched his public character, is the model.
“Nobody has the right to be loved if they are not making themselves lovable.”
Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood
The first aim she names is ibadah: living with awareness that Allah knows every intention and that each blessing, including time together, can be taken away. She also speaks of meeting each other's needs for companionship and security with unselfish kindness. She stresses that love and respect are not automatic rights but must be earned, reminding the couple that a spouse will not make the allowances parents did, and that a wife is not a mother nor a husband a father.
With humour, she urges patience with early mistakes, realistic expectations about money and status, and learning practical skills for running a home. She notes common complaints, that men do not listen and women try to change their husbands, and shares how years spent trying to change her first husband's habits taught her that only one's own attitude can be adjusted. She closes with a dua for the couple.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many families pour their energy into the wedding day and very little into preparing hearts for the years after. This speech fills that gap with warmth and realism. Its reminder that love and respect are earned through daily conduct, and that newlyweds should be generous with each other's early mistakes, is advice we wish every couple heard. Pairing these words with the Prophet's ﷺ gentle character at home gives bride and groom a clear model of the kind of spouse to become.
Originally published by MuslimVillage. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
