This is our summary of an article first published by The New York Times (written by Brooke Lea Foster).
Phones come up in almost every conversation we have about newly married life. This article offers relatable examples and simple boundaries any couple can try.
Key takeaways
- Glancing at your phone mid-conversation can tell your spouse they matter less than the screen.
- Agree on phone-free times, such as meals, and keep to them.
- Treat time at home together as shared time, being present in mind as well as body.
- Consider winding down at the same time each evening and talking before sleep.
- If phones become an escape from a problem, address the problem directly, with help if needed.
What the article says
Brooke Lea Foster's feature opens with everyday scenes from married couples: a wife texting her husband from downstairs about leftovers, then losing patience when he answers work email instead of listening; spouses irritated by games or scrolling during a shared show; a wife frustrated by her husband's Saturday morning emails because she wants him mentally at home, not just physically present. Several couples describe rules such as no phones at the dinner table, with mixed success.
“Because when he’s home, it’s our time. I want him to be here.”
Sarita Sheth
Therapists quoted in the piece say that reaching for a phone can signal to a spouse that they come second, and that even brief glances add up. The article cites a 2014 Pew Research survey in which most internet users said the internet had little effect on their marriage, though some reported a mostly negative effect and a quarter said a partner was distracted by a phone when together. Therapists stress that phones do not cause divorce but can deepen existing strain.
Some counsellors note that eye contact, smiling and laughing build closeness, and that couples who drift apart are often more tuned into devices than to each other. One therapist and his wife agreed to turn in for the night together, and another describes a client who retreated into gaming rather than confronting a worry in his marriage.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Marriage thrives on attention, and attention is exactly what our devices compete for. Our tradition honours gentleness and giving others our full presence, and that begins at home. Couples can set gentle boundaries together: phones away during meals, after Isha, or during morning conversation. These are small choices, but they protect the quiet moments where mercy and affection grow. Talking about screen habits before marriage, as part of getting to know each other, can also prevent friction later.
Originally published by The New York Times. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
