By Kianaat Karim
Contributor(s) Maliha Malik
When it comes to choosing a spouse for the rest of your life, there are some things that we don’t always think about as we move forward through the beginning of a relationship. Perhaps the very thing that initially drew us to a person can also turn out to be a reason to hold grudges later on.
If we hope to be able to eventually communicate our innermost vulnerabilities and flaws , we need to be able to keep a healthy connection with our future spouse. Do you think you both can compromise to some of the things that don’t match up between each other? Will our similarities eventually clash?
If there is an overwhelmingly positive agreement and/or compromise to the below 6 signs, this may mean that you have met your match. Use these questions with their sub-parts to help determine if your match is truly compatible with you.
1.) Do personalities match?
• Will personalities clash or burnout at some point?
• Is one of you an introvert? What about an extrovert?
• Will habits that pertain to this trait eventually clash or can they be compromised and worked through?
• How much individuality is needed for each person in the relationship?
2.) Do you have similar conversations, interests, social circle?
• Do you have similar interests? If not, after the initial honeymoon stage, will you have things to talk about?
• Do you both have a similar type of friends in terms of the mindset and/or otherwise?
• Will your friends clash with your partner?
• A person’s companions tells a lot about a person, can you find a connection with them? Is there a need to get along with your companion’s friends?
3.) Where is the chemistry coming from?
• Where do you both connect?
• Are you willing to try new things that aren’t your usual habits to bridge new connections? *If you have the normal bumps along the marriage, you’ll have to refer back to these initial connections.
• Do you have the same core values and norms?
• Will they connect and have chemistry with your family as well?
• Is it important for them to connect with your family?
4.) Do you both relate to each other?
• What are the little things that matter to you/your family?(Little things can turn into big things)
• If there is a minor/major divide between the two of you? If yes, why does it matter? For ex. if someone is Punjabi/ Pakistani etc. (and find the reasoning why you value that trait they have- for ex. if the reasoning is because they’re same culture- they understand the family and little things and demeanor. Is there a need to be able to understand background?)
5.) Can I tolerate this person in the bad times?
• Will I be able to stick it out with this person for ex. If they lack certain qualities, if they get sick, if they’re going through emotional trouble?
• Are you ready to be committed to this person and take them for who they are?
• The relationship is not always just about the 2, it’s about all the people involved-are they going to fit with all people involved (Family) or do you think they’d adjust?
6.) Can you guys be friends/best friends?
• Can you get along with your partner at a deeper level about what is near and dear to you?
• Do you think you will be able to share your insecurities at some point? Can you enjoy life together? Do you know each other well enough that you can deal with them through their ups and downs?(i.e. if they’re overly emotional in some instances or other personal characteristics)
• Can you talk about those little things(food, day etc. with comfortability)?
• Can you guys understand each other? Can you communicate effectively when you don’t?
• Can you look at them everyday and still understand why they’re your best friend?
• Don’t overanalyze your relationships
• You marry someone because you want them to become part of you and they accept everything about you- including the little things (There is always a part of us that wants to be accepted by others!)
• With friendship comes respect, of similarities AND differences
• The shortest amount of time it may take to see a broad range of personality traits is 6 months before making any decisions
• To get to know a shy person- be clear and straight with what your asking. Also ASK why the shyness? Why the nerves? Is it their Personality? (Although this person is put on the spot, may give a sense of comfortability because the shyness was noticed) Taking the route of asking is better than accusing them of being shy, this may not be taken in a positive way