All of us have met people at least once in our life time that tell you about how long they have been married for and it shocks you. Some go to 20, 30, 40 and even beyond MashAllah. But what we don`t do is ask how they go there. Below are a few reasons on how they were able to bring longevity to their marriage.
1. Focus on the big and not the small
Focus on the major problems and issues within your marriage and not the minor issues too much. Don’t be worried if the person is moving around in their sleep, or that they don’t put the shower gel back in the proper place but rather focus on major issues like work hours or spending time with kids.
2. Positive > Negative
Think of the positive points about your spouse rather than focusing on the negative all the time. The one you focus on more is the way you are going to feel about your spouse. The more you think about their positive qualities the better you will feel about them and this will increase your love for them. The more you think about their negatives the more animosity you will have towards them. If the negative is a major issue, try to resolve the issue responsibly with a positive attitude. If you bring up the issue with the intention to resolve it, you will find a way to resolve it; and if your intention is to blame the other and provoke a fight then that is exactly what you will get.
3. Common Ground
Find an activity that you both enjoy and can do together on a regular basis; perhaps attending a class together or taking up a hobby together. This will help you feel good about each other and will fulfill each other’s emotional needs. This is just as important for men as it is for women. Create this habit for yourselves and continue changing the activities from time to time, but the main thing is to maintain these activities and keep the relationship alive.
If you desire peace and happiness then be a happy and peaceful person. Be easygoing and stop being upset all the time. This relaxes both parties in a marriage and disputes get easier to resolve since you will be more accommodating when overcoming them.
5. Put the fire out
Don’t overlook problems thinking they will resolve themselves over time without taking any immediate steps to fix them. Be proactive in fixing your issues and don’t sit on the sidelines expecting miracles. Solve your problems, use different techniques from our different articles to bring up issues and resolve them. Ask for professional help if you need to, there is no shame in that.
6. Forgive the poor guy
Men take longer to adapt to certain things and situations in a marriage so be patient. Patience is the key for women in a marriage. Cut him some slack and he will come around. Positive reminders will do the job, nagging won’t; rather, remind him nicely to keep him motivated.
7. Work Together
Always remember that you are working together in keeping this ship afloat and it doesn’t matter if both are putting in equal work or not. The main objective is to keep it from sinking. So work together and if one isn’t putting in enough effort, encourage them to help you in making it work and help them in getting their focus back on track.
8. Being Perfect?
If you expect your spouse to be perfect then you need to be perfect as well. If you are not perfect then don’t expect them to be perfect either. Be true to yourself and love each other for what you are. As for major things try to resolve them together, but don’t expect a complete metamorphosis in a day.
Image source: http://www.islam.com.kw/meaning-marriage-islam/