Islam holds parents in a very high status and considers ones relationship with his or her parents one of the most important relationships that one must safeguard.
Allah has said in the Quran:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful. – Surah Nisa: Verse 36
While speaking about this verse the Scholars have commented that one of the reasons why Allah places the parents right after himself in verse is to show the importance ones relationship with his or her parents is.
In another hadith:
Sa’id ibn Abi Burda said, “I heard my father say that Ibn ‘Umar saw a Yamani man going around the House while carrying his mother on his back, saying, ‘I am your humble camel. If her mount is frightened, I am not frightened.’ Then he asked, ‘Ibn ‘Umar? Do you think that I have repaid her?’ He replied, ‘No, not even for a single groan.’ (Al-Adab al Mufrad)
We see the importance of parents clearly in this hadith! SubhanAllah, the man carried his mother on his back to Hajj. He travelled such a large distance with her and then helped her do Hajj and yet it was only a small deed compared to the pain that she undertook during childbirth.
If this is the status of parents in Islam outside of marriage then how much greater must their involvement be considered when getting married. In fact, having the guardian of the woman who is about to get married is a necessary part of the marriage process.
Nowadays there is a disconnect between a child and his parents especially after the age of 16 when a child is able to make his or her own decisions. Parents are quite often neglected in all aspects of life including a childs personal life.
Usually when Muslims start searching for someone to marry the parents are neglected in the process. Below you can find several reasons why parents should be part of the marriage process and can in fact bring more benefit than harm.
1. Parents bring experience to the process. Parents know what has worked and what has not worked during their married years. Using this information parents can suggest certain qualities or characteristics to look for in a spouse. They can also be used to consult whether a prospective spouse would be a ‘good match’ or not.
2. Parents bring responsibility. When parents are involved it makes the process look legitimate and the person realizes that getting married is not just for play but a very serious process.
3. Experience tells us that having parents involved from the beginning eases a couples life later on. Parents being involved creates an environment conducive to love and good relations within all the families. Parents do not feel left out and therefore are less likely to cause problems later on.
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