Last Ramadan, I looked forward to eating the fruit salad prepared by my husband’s hands for iftar. Even though the fruit pieces were not cut exactly the way I would have cut them myself, they were cut with love – and that’s what made my Ramadan extra special! Sitting together with him, my iftars with my husband were simple: just a date, some water, some fruit salad, and each other’s company. And that’s all we needed.
Although married couples are not permitted to be intimate to the level which may lead to intercourse while fasting, there are many other ways to express your love for one another during Ramadan.
Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the ayah:
“It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 187]
Therefore, it is important to remember that while sexual activity during the day is strictly prohibited, after Maghrib and until the beginning of Fajr the next morning, resuming sexual relations with your husband is not forbidden. Although you may probably be tired from the long days of fasting and may be getting ready for taraweeh and qiyam-ul-layl during that period, it is worth knowing the boundaries and what is allowed for the month of Ramadan.
In this article, I will be sharing my tips and advice that will allow you to create time for your spouse, help you bond with your husband, and assist in strengthening your iman as a wife during the holy month of Ramadan. Striving for a happy marriage even during the busy days of Ramadan will cement the foundations for a blessed marriage throughout the rest of the year, In sha Allah!
1) Make time for your spouse
You may be asking, how do I even find the time for myself during Ramadan, much less find the time to spend with my husband? Quite frankly, life can be a tornado during Ramadan, especially with young children, where everything is flying in a circle of mess right in front of our eyes. However, what often calms this tornado is ample preparation and the thoughts of what really matters: our final destination, jannah. And how do we achieve jannah? One of the ways a woman will enter Paradise is by pleasing her husband, as the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:
“Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.” [At-Tirmidhi]
Taking the above into consideration, it is no wonder that the thought of pleasing your husband refocuses your thoughts on the final destination of jannah. Creating time for your husband is a goal every wife should strive for, especially in the holy month of Ramadan, as rewards are innumerably multiplied. Make multiple intentions when you set out to please your husband: to increase your patience with his shortcomings, to control your anger, to be kinder; so you get multiple rewards for each of these intentions, In sha Allah.
2) Eat suhoor and iftar with your husband
One way in which you can spend time with your spouse is by eating suhoor and iftar with him, for this is a beautiful way to connect with one another during Ramadan. Furthermore, these times provide a great opportunity for each of you to discuss your progress in terms of your Ramadan goals and to remind each other that you are both fasting for the sake of Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He). If your husband breaks his fast at the masjid, then try and set a time later in the evening for a light meal to compensate. Even if this is not manageable everyday, try and plan it for two or three evenings a week, and you can even get the children involved in these discussions. The aim is to have a stress-free and calm environment in which to connect emotionally and enjoy each other’s company.
3) Have your husband help out
A great way to show someone you care for them is to help them out during their most stressful times; you will know this firsthand if you are a mother with young children! With that said, there are many ways in which husbands can assist their wives during Ramadan, such as loading the dishwasher, watching the children, or helping to prepare suhoor and iftar. Certainly, having a helping hand is very much appreciated and increases the love between a husband and wife because they are doing something together. Before Ramadan begins, have a healthy discussion with him and suggest tasks he can complete before or after work when fasting starts, reminding him of the great reward attached to helping others, especially during Ramadan.
4) Increase your knowledge as a couple
Another effective way for couples to increase their love for one another during Ramadan is to tune into Islamic lectures together about marriage in Islam, the rights of husbands and wives in Islam, and so forth. Listening to Islamic lectures or reading Islamic material from books can be done together any time throughout the day, and is a great way to not only gain knowledge, but to also spend quality time together. YouTube is an invaluable resource for short, imaan-boosting lectures, so you can ensure you have a few minutes together for precious reminders during Ramadan, which you can discuss later, especially during iftar.
5) Send each other ahadith
Whenever I read tips for healthy marriages, I often see advice about leaving cute “I love you” notes in his lunchbox or on his desk for him to find. During Ramadan, do this by sending each other text messages or e-mails. For instance, send him ahadith about jannah and tell him you are reminding him of the beauty that awaits you, to motivate you both to work hard in this dunya, so that you both may meet each other in jannah one day:
“Kauthar is a river in Paradise whose banks are of gold and its bed is of rubies and pearls. Its soil is more fragrant than musk, its water is sweeter than honey and whiter than snow.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Receiving beautiful ahadith like this during Ramadan will remind you both of the beautiful gifts that you will receive for your sacrifices in this life, In sha Allah.
6) Encourage each other
Encourage each other to read the Qur’an daily, to memorize surahs and duas, and to pray on time during Ramadan. With every soft-spoken word of sincere encouragement comes plentiful reward. And with every word of encouragement exchanged, is a reminder of your love for one another, for only loved ones encourage each other to be the best they can be in this dunya in order to make it to jannah together!
7) Prepare yourself for his return from i’tikaf
If you’re like me, I’m sure you like to get dressed up for those fun Eid celebrations with family. This Ramadan, try and take some time out to glam yourself up a day early, just for your husband, if he has gone for i’tikaf. After 10 days of not seeing you and spending every moment in the worship of Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He), your husband will appreciate that you made an effort just for him. Again, with the intention of pleasing Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) through pleasing your husband, this will ensure enormous reward for you, and guarantee a happy husband!
8) Make dua in secret
Ramadan has countless opportunities for dua to be accepted. So, for truly lasting happiness, make ample dua that Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) blesses your marriage and increases the love and understanding between you and your spouse. Abu Dharr reported that Allah’s Messenger ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:
“There is no believing servant who supplicates for his brother behind his back (in his absence) that the Angels do not say: The same be for you too.” [Sahih Muslim]
I know life can get busy, especially during Ramadan, but all of your sincere efforts towards keeping your marriage healthy and alive in Ramadan will be rewarded, In sha Allah. Remind yourself constantly of the reward attached to keeping each other happy, and build the foundations for a happier marriage this Ramadan!