Highlights from the discussion
Generally, women are capable of experiencing climax but because of their husband’s lack of knowledge and skills, they are left unsatisfied.
Intercourse without climax leaves women devastated and eventually they develop an aversion to intimacy.
Many women complain about physical intimacy being painful due to the lack of foreplay
More than half of all women, possibly more than 70 percent, do not regularly reach climax by means of penetration alone has been brought by researchers, such as Alfred Kinsey and Shere Hite
Even those husbands who may have known this fact, don’t always want to take the trouble to provide the additional stimulation necessary to produce female climax
How does Islam recognize women’s need of physical intimacy?
Islam as the perfect religion, has not only recognized the crucial need of women reaching her climax, but has even laid out specific instructions for men.
Imām Ibn Qudama [ra] the Hanbali Jurist narrates a hadith that the Messenger of Allāh said, “Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire, like the desire you experience, lest you fulfill your desires before she does.” (AlMughni 8:136)
Surah Baqarah 2:187- In this verse, there are two words used, Rafatha and Baashara, and most translations of Qur’an translate both of the terms as “sexual intercourse.” I always wondered what could be the wisdom of using two different terms in the same verse for the same action. It was not until I asked a shaykh I realized the difference in the two terms was simply lost in translation.
Rafatha, which comes first in the verse is: Speech that maybe a means of inducing coition (coitus), speaking to entice one’s spouse. Basically in simpler language, it is the sex-talking with the wife. Amazing how Allah azzwajal Himself points out to the fact and the necessity of enticing a woman through speech and foreplaying. Going back to the verse, the second word mentioned is:
Baashara: is the actual intercourse itself
If taking the order of the words into consideration in the verse, it is obvious that Baashara should take place after enticing the wife and fondling her to the point that she is ready for her husband.
imam al-Daylami records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik that the Messenger of Allah, ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfill one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be, between them, foreplay of kissing and words.”
Ibn Qayyim reports in his famous Tibb-an-Nabawai, that the Prophet forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before fore playing.
How does not being satisfied with climax cause avoidance towards intimacy among women?
Men think about physical intimacy more frequently. They have the ability to switch it on and off throughout the day without experiencing the climax.
Women have a much harder time to turn it off once stimulated, so there is a greater need for them to experience a climax.
Women and body image issues, detailed advice for men:
Do give sincere compliments
Never ever make fun or criticize your spouse’s body when they are so vulnerable. You are the only man in her life to appreciate her beauty.
Look for her positive features and comment on those.
Don’t criticize hoping she will change – she will just shut down and not want to get intimate.
Since a big part of being aroused in many women is mental, she needs to feel alluring and beautiful in order for her to perform physically.
Accept yourself and your body
Appreciate your body, be grateful to Allah
Be your best, don’t compare yourself to a supermodel
Take care of yourself
Compliment your husbands too, men need affirmation
Image source: http://lo-we.com/en/blog/lowe-newswire/eros-and-relax-how-to-give-a-sensual-massage/