This is our summary of an article first published by MuslimMatters (written by Dunia Shuaib). Read the full piece on their site.
Read on MuslimMattersIt turns the general idea of working on your marriage into simple weekly actions, written from a Muslim perspective that keeps Allah at the centre of happiness.
Key takeaways
- Write a short list of questions about your spouse's past and preferences, then take turns answering them together.
- Set aside ten minutes each Sunday to plan how you will give your spouse time during the coming week.
- Keep phones out of the bedroom and away from meals so attention stays on each other.
- When upset, write your words down privately and revisit them a week later before saying anything.
- Say thank you often; small notes and thoughtful gestures matter more than costly gifts.
What the article says
Dunia Shuaib begins from a simple premise: a marriage gives back roughly what is put into it, much like a field that needs tending. She offers ten habits, each paired with an exercise. The first is discovery, staying curious about your spouse's history, likes and dislikes. The second is adventure, trying new outings together so life does not become routine. The third is commitment, which she frames as regularly giving time, focus and emotional energy rather than expecting things to run on their own.
“Your crops will only yield as much as the effort you put into harvesting and nurturing them.”
Dunia Shuaib
Several tips concern mindset. She suggests starting marriage with modest expectations, since expecting a spouse to fill every need tends to bring disappointment. She warns about phones becoming a constant companion and recommends device-free zones at home. Communication, in her view, includes listening and empathy as much as speaking, and she points readers to Gary Chapman's idea of love languages. She also reminds readers that happiness ultimately comes from Allah, encouraging worship, friendships and service outside the marriage.
The final tips focus on restraint and appreciation: pause before speaking in anger, value small thoughtful gestures over expensive ones, and build a habit of gratitude, which she notes research links to healthier relationships.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Many couples put enormous care into the search and the wedding, then assume the marriage will look after itself. This article is a gentle reminder that love is maintained through small, steady acts: asking questions, putting the phone down, holding back a harsh word, saying thank you. These are also marks of good character that our tradition honours. For those still searching, it is worth asking a prospective spouse how they show care day to day, and noticing whether gratitude and patience come naturally to them.
Originally published by MuslimMatters. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
