This is our summary of an article first published by The Gottman Institute. Read the full piece on their site.
Read on The Gottman InstituteShort and practical, this piece reminds us that a calm, rested spouse has more to give. It is especially useful for busy couples who feel stretched thin.
Key takeaways
- If you feel tense or restless, move your body to release stress before it spills onto your spouse.
- Make time for a calming activity, such as reading.
- Reach out to friends who leave you feeling refreshed.
- Notice which activities restore you; this may change from day to day.
- Set aside a little time daily for something that helps you feel like yourself.
What the article says
This brief article from The Gottman Institute suggests that when a relationship feels out of balance, a good first step may be to look after yourself. Dr. Gottman, it says, recommends taking time to be a little "selfish", which the article reframes as investing in yourself. According to the Institute's research, self-care can strengthen a relationship, because both partners benefit when tension is released.
“If you can’t keep it together, your relationship can’t either.”
The Gottman Institute
The article offers several simple ideas. If you are restless or frustrated, physical activity, perhaps with music you enjoy, can work off that energy and make you less likely to snap at your partner. If reading calms you, visit the library or borrow an ebook, whether for a story or to learn something new. If you miss friends, reach out intentionally, by video call or in person, to people who feel like home; reconnecting can refresh everyone involved.
Quoting the Dalai Lama on stepping back to recover from burnout for the sake of others, the article encourages a long-term view. It invites readers to think about what genuinely restores them, noting this can vary: some days call for quiet, others for exercise. The closing advice is to commit to a small daily activity that helps you feel like yourself again, so that you return to your relationship in a better frame of mind and ready to invest in it.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Caring for yourself is not selfishness in the harmful sense; looking after the body and mind Allah has entrusted to you is part of being able to care for others. Many spouses, especially in the early years of marriage or with young children, run on empty and then find their patience wearing thin. A short walk, a good book, time with friends, or quiet moments for reflection and prayer can restore balance. Spouses can also help each other find that time, which is itself a quiet act of kindness.
Originally published by The Gottman Institute. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
