This is our summary of an article first published by HuffPost (written by Kelsey Borresen).
Many spouses express love sincerely but in a language the other person does not hear. These practical ideas help close that gap with small, everyday gestures.
Key takeaways
- Learn how your spouse best receives love; it is often different from how you naturally give it.
- For words of affirmation, offer specific, sincere praise, notes and thanks.
- For quality time, give undivided attention daily, without phones or chores competing.
- For acts of service, ask which tasks would lighten their load, then follow through.
- Thoughtful gifts and gentle affection matter deeply to some spouses, even when small.
What the article says
HuffPost writer Kelsey Borresen starts from a common mistake: we tend to show love in the way we would like to receive it, which may not be what our partner needs. She draws on pastor and counsellor Gary Chapman, whose 1992 book The 5 Love Languages describes five ways people experience love: kind words, helpful acts, gifts, focused time together and physical touch. Chapman told the outlet that after years of counselling struggling couples he realised spouses often feel loved in very different ways.
For each language the article gives concrete ideas. People who value words want to hear love expressed and, ideally, why; notes, messages and specific compliments help. Those who value quality time want full attention, such as morning coffee together, a short phone-free catch-up after work, or a shared walk. Those who appreciate gifts value the thought behind a present, so keeping a running list of things they mention can help.
Spouses who value acts of service feel cared for when burdens are lifted, such as running errands, doing laundry or packing lunch, and Chapman suggests simply asking what would help most. For those whose language is touch, everyday affection like holding hands or a hug at the end of a long day communicates care. The overall message is that learning your spouse's language strengthens your connection.
Why it matters for Muslim marriages
Good character in marriage includes learning how your spouse feels cared for, not only doing what feels natural to you. Some will light up at a sincere word of thanks, others at a cup of tea made without asking or an evening with the phone put away. The Prophet's ﷺ gentleness and warmth with his family remind us that love shows itself in small acts. Couples in the getting-to-know stage can even talk about this before marriage, as a gentle way to understand each other's needs.
Originally published by HuffPost. Summary and reflections by the BeyondChai team.
