ByCrystal Schwanke, BA Psychology
Contributor:Tamsen Butler
Source: https://dating.lovetoknow.com/Things_to_Talk_About_on_the_Phone
You like him, and you think he likes you. But, you get tongue-tied and nervous on the phone. Don’t let your conversation grow cold by not having topics to discuss. Having a list of things to talk about on the phone can make sure you aren’t a witness to that awkward silence and weird nervousness. And remember, these topics aren’t a script, it is a guideline of stuff to talk about on the phone to keep the conversation moving naturally.
Sample List of Interesting Topics to Talk About
If you want to avoid awkward silence, create a list of topics. However, don’t script your conversation; your list of topics should be more like cues of what to say so you avoid the dreaded “um” or worse, the long, empty pauses. The following is a sample list of good topics to talk about that you can use to fill in any empty places in your conversation.
General Questions
- Talk about what interests the person
- Discuss popular films
- Discuss favorite television shows
- Ask “what if” questions
- Fantasy vacation spot
- Fantasy date
- Fantasy job
- Personal and professional goals
- Talk music, past, present and future
- Talk favorite foods, movies and places to visit
- Find out what he likes to do in his free time and how often he gets to do it (Sean Cooper, the Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy, recommends asking more specific questions like, “Do you play an instrument?” or “Do you like dancing?” as well)
- Talk about your favorite classes, whether you’re in school together or reminiscing about the past
- Discuss your favorite books
- What was the strangest dream she ever had?
- Ask her about where she grew up
- Ask if he has a big group of friends or just a few of good, close friends
- Find out what she did last weekend (this could give you an idea of whether she likes to party or prefers quieter evenings)
Relationship Questions
- Share crazy dating stories (or just ask about his first date, like Glamour suggests)
- Ask what people are often surprised to find out about her, or what people compliment her on the most (other than her looks)
- Ask her how she feels about traditional gender roles.
Family Questions
- Ask him about his oldest living relatives and his relationship with them.
- What are some family traditions specific to her family?
- If you haven’t yet met her parents, ask what you can expect upon meeting them.
- How important is family to him?
- What are some family traditions specific to her family?
- Is he more like his mother or his father – or neither?
Living in the Moment
- Ask him to describe in detail everything he can see right now.
- Talk about who you might know in common to discover existing connections.
- Have a conversation where you each alternate contributing one word until it forms a cohesive sentence.
- Ask her to describe your physical appearance, like the color of your eyes and the shape of your face.
- Tell her to describe your day to you, but she has to make up all the details.
- If she had to start over her life in an entirely new city, where would that be and how would it be different from life now?
Getting Vulnerable
- Ask him to tell you about the most difficult day he’s ever lived.
- Talk to him about spirituality, and whether it’s important or not.
- When was the last time she examined what her inner voice is telling her?
- When was the last time he really had to work hard at something?
- What does she do when she needs to clear her mind?
- What sets her apart from other people?
- Does she consider herself needy or independent?
- When opportunity arises, does he jump on it or is he cautious?
Delving Deeper
- Ask him if he could write a book, what it would be about.
- What song really speaks to him, and why?
- If she could go into any store and get everything they wanted for free, what store would it be and what would they grab first?
- Has she ever taken part in a protest?
- What does he feel is the most inconsiderate thing people get away with?
- Ask him to describe the most spectacular thing he’s ever seen.
- What does she do when faced with injustice?
- What is his signature dish or drink?
- How does she feel social media has changed relationships?
- Who is the strangest person he has ever met?
- Has he ever been on television?
- Who is his celebrity crush?
- What does she do when she needs to clear her mind?
- What makes her feel disrespected?
- Has she ever been in a physical fight?
- Ask her to tell you about a time she wishes she could do over to change how it went.
- What is a habit she wishes she could break?
- If he were elected President, what changes would he make?
Choice Questions
- At snack time, does she prefer sweet or salty?
- At cuddle time, does he prefer hugs or kisses?
- Does she prefer a slow pace or a hectic pace in life?
- What is better at the end of the day: alone time or time with other people?
- What is worse: physical pain or emotional pain?
- What does he prefer: cardio or strength work?
Avoid Closed-Ended Questions
If you’re running out of things to talk about with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s always good to ask an open-ended question. Fun relationship questions help you get to know him or her better while keeping things light.
Key Things to Remember
When you are putting together your telephone topic list, remember three key things:
- Keep your topic list generic, do not write a “script” because the last thing you want to sound like is a telemarketer reading from a script.
- Let the conversation flow, remember your topic list is a guideline and not a rule.
- Don’t over think whether you should call. If someone gave you his number, that was an invitation to call him.
- Come up with a topic or purpose for the call so there’s less room for awkward silences and nervousness. Maybe you want to invite him somewhere or find out what he thought about something you saw in the news.
Sometimes Listening Is Best
If you do call a girl or guy you like, and you don’t have a better reason than you just wanted to hear his or her voice, consider being honest. It may open up a completely new avenue of conversation for the two of you. Ultimately, when you are stuck for something to say on the phone, consider just listening. One of the best things you can do for a person that you like is to listen.