This advice was given to Umm Ayas Bint Awf Bin Muslim ash-Shaybani by her mother Umamah Bint al-Harith shortly before her wedding.
“O my daughter! If the advice were to be left off the virtuous and well mannered, you would be in no need of advice. However, the advice reminds the forgetful and guides the wise. And if a woman were to forsake marriage because of her parents’ wealth or their fondness of her, you would be in least need for marriage. However, the women have been made for the men, and for them were the men made.
O my daughter! You are now departing from the climate where you lived, and the nest where you grew, to an unfamiliar domicile and companion. By virtue of your husband’s custody, he is now a watcher and master over you. So be a maid to him, and he will surely be your servant. Be his earth (in submission), and he will be your sky (in protection). Preserve for him ten qualities, and they will be a treasure for you:
1. Submit to him by showing contentment
2. Listen to him and obey him in the best manner
3. Guard where his eyes look, so that it will not fall on anything ugly from you
4. Guard what his nose smells, so that he will not smell from you but the best aroma
5. Respect his meal times, for the attack of hunger is a cause of rage
6. Respect his sleep times, for the disturbance of sleep is a cause of annoyance
7. Safeguard his wealth by employing good judgment
8. Care for his children and servants by employing good planning
9. Do not disobey any of his commands, for if you do, you would bring resentment into his breast
10. Do not disclose any of his secrets, for if you do, you would not be secure from his revenge
Furthermore, do not display joy when he is worried, nor sadness when he is happy, for this will breed hatred. And remember, my daughter, that the more you please him, the more he honors you. And remember that you will not attain what you desire from him unless you give preference to his likes over yours.”
Recorded in al-Aghani by al-Asbahani
Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team