Because emotional abuse has become such a popular topic in the self-help and psychology fields, you may already be familiar with some of its signs, which may include withdrawal of affection, name-calling, and control. But if you suspect you\u2019re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may be so immersed in it that you can\u2019t read the very destructive handwriting on the wall. Emotional abuse becomes, in a sense, your blurred normal.<\/p>\n
The term \u201cemotional abuse\u201d is thrown around a lot these days and that\u2019s a dangerous thing. To respect its victims, we have to be very careful about watering it down. To be clear: A one-off fight with your partner in which you both say things you regret is not emotional abuse. Your spouse forgetting your anniversary two years in a row is not emotional abuse. These events may cause some bumps in your relationship but, standing alone, they are not abuse.<\/p>\n
Emotional abuse is like this: You\u2019re filled with a sickening dread every morning knowing you\u2019re facing another day of psychological warfare. You\u2019re perpetually drained because all your energy is expended trying to keep your partner happy (and, you\u2019ll eventually come to realize, those efforts are in vain). You\u2019re nauseous, anxious, fearful \u2014 one or all \u2014 when interacting with your partner. This is your life every other minute of every day.<\/p>\n
Here are five straightforward guidelines to help you identify whether your relationship is emotionally healthy or emotionally abusive. Try to be open to these, trust your gut, don\u2019t make excuses. Your life is too precious to accept being treated like crap by someone who can\u2019t figure out how to heal from his\/her own brokenness.<\/p>\n
1) Support v. Discouragement.<\/strong> Do you share your dreams and plans with your partner? If not, why not? Is your excitement about your new project or hobby met with snorts and snide remarks? Healthy relationships are supportive. Those in them don\u2019t always agree on plans or next steps, but they hear each other out respectfully. A non-abusive partner is happy when opportunities come your way. Sound like an alternate universe to yours? Pay attention to that.<\/p>\n 2) Admiration v. Criticism.<\/strong> Seems like everyone is complimenting your new wardrobe, recent weight loss, or latest blogpost. Everyone, that is, except the one person who should be leading the cheering section. Your emotionally abusive partner is far more invested in tearing you down and keeping you down. He really doesn\u2019t want you feeling good about yourself. If you do, you might realize you could do better elsewhere. So, instead of loving praise, you\u2019ll get reactions that take you down a notch or two. Or ten.<\/p>\n