Published by Hina Khan-Mukhtar
March 15, 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you ever set foot inside a couple\u2019s home and immediately felt a sense of sakinah<\/em>, or peace, wash over you? Whether it was a modestly-furnished apartment in a neighborhood where people struggle to make ends meet or a magnificent mansion in the most coveted district, these spaces radiated warmth and love and tranquility. What was their secret? How did the husband and wife together achieve this calm and quietude in a world that is too often overwhelmed with cacophony and chaos?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the past quarter of a century, many of my elders, teachers, relatives, friends, and community members have shared a whole range of marital advice with me. Being fortunate enough to have witnessed tawfiq<\/em>, or Divine success, in a number of harmonious unions \u2014 in which many of the tips outlined here were implemented \u2014 I feel it is advantageous for us to learn from the success stories in our circles. Therefore, I am sharing the most helpful gems of wisdom in the hopes that you will find suggestions that are of benefit to you. I am not a perfect wife nor would I say I have a perfect marriage, but I do know that these suggestions have worked for me whenever I have been able to act on any of them, alhamdulillah<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Please keep in mind that this advice is for those women who are in substantially healthy marriages. The assumption is that their husbands are God-fearing, are not emotionally or physically abusive, know how to give their wives their rights, and do not have any debilitating addictions, vices, personality disorders, or mental health struggles. Although most of the following counsels are primarily for the wife in the marriage, some do<\/em><\/strong> apply to both partners \u2014 however, you will have to go to a male writer if you want advice solely for the husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Therefore, dear sisters, while reading, please resist protesting, \u201cBut what about him<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d This isn\u2019t about him \u2014 this is about you and me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A scholar once encouraged us to look at our order of priorities in life as a pyramid with Allah, great and glorified is He, at the top. It is from the understanding of having a hierarchy \u2014 of Allah first; then husband; then children and parents and teachers; then closest friends and extended family; then greater community \u2014 that the barakah<\/em>, or blessing, comes into the home and flows out to every family member. Many people mix up the order and then don\u2019t understand why there isn\u2019t peace in the home and why the children are rebellious. Look at your circles of concern, and then make sure that an awareness of Allah, great and glorified is He, is at the top of the pyramid which then runs as a core through all of the other layers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pray together and pray\u00a0for\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>one another. Supplicate every step of the way. Rely on\u00a0salaat-ul-istikhara<\/em>, or the prayer of guidance, for all major family decisions. Pray for your union to bring healthy and righteous children into the world who will grow up to be beloved to Allah, great and glorified is He. One scholar lightheartedly but sincerely advised us to \u201cpray that your partner is someone who drags you to\u00a0Jannah<\/em>\u00a0(Paradise).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make your marriage a means of drawing closer to Allah, of pleasing Him. Look at it as an act of worship. Have big intentions. Don\u2019t keep score of how much you\u2019re doing for your husband versus how much he\u2019s doing for you; instead, make your intention solely for Allah, great and glorified is He. Seek His approval and pleasure \u2014 and His alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Follow the example of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace; <\/em>there was a reason he encouraged spouses to hold hands and to feed one another from the same plate. Just like any other blessing, marriage can eventually start to feel \u201cold\u201d and \u201cstale\u201d and \u201ctaken-for-granted,\u201d but these types of intimate gestures help to re-invigorate the marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take note of the five \u201clanguages of love\u201d \u2014 providing service; giving time; giving verbal praise\/affirmation; giving physical affection; giving gifts \u2014 and see which one your spouse utilizes on you the most. If you have a different language of love, he may not notice it unless you reciprocate from time to time with the same language that he is using. Learn his love language and then use it in order to be \u201cheard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Flirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But please don\u2019t be overly demonstrative in public. That just makes everyone else extremely uncomfortable. As a couple, preserve your dignity and self-respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Establish a routine or a tradition that no one else is allowed to get in the way of \u2014 not work, not parents, not children. For some couples, it will be Sunday morning brunch together; for others, it will be after-dinner tea; yet others may choose to go for an evening walk or to read aloud to one another in bed. There are many who have established a designated \u201cDate Night\u201d in their weekly schedule. Have something special just for you two and then jealously guard it; it should be something that you both will miss if it ever got taken away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hold onto your passions and interests. You may not be into each other\u2019s \u201cpet projects,\u201d but be each other\u2019s biggest cheerleaders. Ask sincere questions about whatever hobby the other is into.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Khidma<\/em>, or service, wins hearts. Filling his gas tank that you realize is almost on empty, helping him complete the dreaded tax forms, sewing on his button that you noticed came loose are all signs that you care about him and are looking out for him. For some spouses, actions speak much louder than words. There should be a difference between you being present in his life and you being absent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Go to bed at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Among the most important duties of husbands and wives in the Islamic context is the fulfillment of one another\u2019s sexual needs. This is not something to take lightly. Spouses who insist on rejecting their partner\u2019s advances cannot be surprised to witness their relationship disintegrate. There are situations when a husband is forbidden to approach his wife for intercourse (i.e. during her menstrual cycle, during her postpartum bleeding, and during fasts in Ramadan), but outside of these cases, it is imperative for both spouses to do their utmost to make sure they are partners in every way \u2014 not least of which, physically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Always pray that Allah, great and glorified is He, maintains the love in your heart for your spouse and that He preserves the love in your partner\u2019s heart for you. Allah is the One Who puts love in our hearts for one another, and He is the One Who can take that same love out in any split second. If you stop to think about it, it is a sheer wonder that out of the billions of people in the world, there is one person who has that special love in his heart for you \u2014 that is nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. Thank Him for that blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The wife might be the one to instigate most major changes in life; she might be the one who brings home the thicker paycheck; however, the husband should be given the respect of having the clear role of being the Emir, <\/em>or leader, of the family. He should be honored by the wife and the children as the guardian of the household, and he <\/em><\/strong>in turn should recognize that Allah<\/em><\/strong> is the Guardian of his and his wife\u2019s household. Of course, acknowledging your husband as the Emir<\/em> doesn\u2019t mean that you aren\u2019t very vocal in sharing your own opinions. As one grandmother joked, \u201cThe husband is the head of the family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t contradict or correct him in public. Give him the dignity he deserves. (As my own husband had to once firmly remind me, \u201cI\u2019m not the one being homeschooled.\u201d Eek! Duly noted.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t ever demean your husband to your children. If you don\u2019t honor their father, they won\u2019t either. And, remember, it\u2019s still gheeba<\/em>, or backbiting, to talk about your spouse in a way that he wouldn\u2019t like, even<\/em><\/strong> if it\u2019s only with the people who will always love him. Don\u2019t let your guard down when it comes to his rights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If he ever buys you a gift that you don\u2019t love, love it anyway. See the heart of the gift-giver behind the gift. There are always gentle and cheerful ways of honestly communicating your preferences at a later time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Regardless of whether you had a social media presence before marriage or not, once you\u2019re his wife, be aware of his views on how much you post about yourself and your life with him. Respect his limits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Put your cell phone, your book, and \u2014 yes \u2014 even your prayer beads away when he\u2019s trying to talk to you about his day. Give him your undivided attention, and teach your children (who are old enough to understand) that they are not to interrupt their parents\u2019 time together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A sense of humor \u2014 that isn\u2019t cruel or mocking \u2014 is one of the most attractive qualities in a man. I still shake my head and chuckle at hubby\u2019s corny joke that he\u2019s been lovingly teasing me with for the past 25 years: \u201cOn August 14, Pakistan gained its independence\u2026and I lost mine!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Laugh with him but never <\/em><\/strong>at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I realize that many women today are uncomfortable with the word \u201chouri<\/em>,\u201d but houris<\/em> are real creations of Allah, great and glorified is He, who are described in The Holy Qur\u2019an as \u201ccompanions in Paradise.\u201d I believe it\u2019s time that we reclaim this word and own it for what it is. There is no reason why our homes can\u2019t be little pieces of Paradise, insha\u2019Allah<\/em>, and no reason why we can\u2019t be heavenly companions for our husbands within our own homes!<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you see your beloved for the first time after he returns home, make sure to greet him and kiss him and hug him. Practicing Muslim men who have taqwa<\/em>, or God-consciousness, will avoid all physical contact with women who are not their blood relatives, and many of them are surrounded at work by women who make an effort to look attractive. You are the reward your husband gets at the end of a long, dry day. Be soft and affectionate and fragrant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you know life has been stressful and busy, wait until he\u2019s he\u2019s had a chance to relax before asking him to do anything or before breaking any bad news to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everything about you \u2014 from your clothes, to your hair, to your skin, to your breath \u2014 should smell clean and fresh\u2026for yourself, yes, but especially so for your husband!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be kind and welcoming to one another\u2019s friends. (But don\u2019t ever<\/em><\/strong> be in solitude with the opposite gender \u2014 and that includes not being alone with another man on social media either.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cook together. And even if you don\u2019t consider yourself to be a talented cook, at least make a sincere effort to learn how to make some of his favorite dishes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take care of yourself physically \u2014 exercise, eat well, and have a self-care regimen. So many of us make such an effort for strangers, but it is our spouses who deserve our best selves. Think of marriage as one long dating experience where both partners are still intent on presenting their best selves \u2014 becoming their best selves \u2014 for each other. I still have childhood memories of my mom brushing her hair and putting on lipstick and perfume before my dad came home from work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make your home an oasis of calm in this stormy world, a place of refuge to which he can escape \u2014 a world that smells nice, is clean and organized, has a well-stocked fridge, and where the members of the household speak in respectful and loving tones with one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first two years of marriage often end up being the most exciting as well as being the most challenging. Even if you were to go on a fun all-girls\u2019 adventure trip, you would find yourself getting rubbed the wrong way by your closest friends at some point or another. In the first couple of years of marriage, you\u2019re learning how to live with another nafs<\/em>, or ego, while he\u2019s having to do the same. But what it comes down to is that marriage isn\u2019t so much about struggling with another\u2019s nafs<\/em> as it is about struggling with your own. Expect to be challenged. Intend to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s perfectly okay to have different personalities and different interests. After all, variety is the spice of life! What you want to make sure, however, is that you both have the same goals for your marriage and for your future family and that you\u2019re both on the same page about how to achieve those goals, insha\u2019Allah.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n One cousin of mine caused quite a bit of consternation amongst our elders. \u201cI don\u2019t believe in the word \u2018compromise\u2019 when it comes to marriage,\u201d he proclaimed. \u201cWhat are you saying?! Marriage is<\/em><\/strong> compromise!\u201d my mother scolded him. But then he explained: \u201cIf you think of everything as a \u2018compromise,\u2019 you will keep score and you will eventually become bitter. Once you decide to do something, try to embrace it fully and believe in it. Don\u2019t think of it as a \u2018compromise\u2019 any more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-reflect, and don\u2019t be too proud to apologize. The relief on his face and the peace in the home that comes after suffering the sting of stepping on your own ego in order to say \u201cI\u2019m sorry; I was wrong\u201d is so so so worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is a given that all of us will get angry at some point or another, but it is when tempers are flared that people\u2019s true natures are revealed. Be mindful of whom you always want to be. Try \u2014 even if it\u2019s a struggle \u2014 to maintain your adab<\/em>, or manners\/etiquettes, when you\u2019re upset. Being angry is never an excuse to break or throw things, scream, curse, use foul language, slam doors, pull hair, scratch, spit, raise an arm, or throw punches. Don\u2019t casually toss around the D-word (divorce!) every time you feel overwhelmed. In regards to our interpersonal conduct when we feel frustrated, it is important to always remember: Allah, great and glorified is He, is watching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When your spouse is angry or visibly agitated, stay quiet in the heat of the moment. You can always make your point at a later time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When addressing your disagreements, avoid using absolutes like \u201calways\u201d and \u201cnever.\u201d It\u2019s not fair to forget the positives in your husband by saying: \u201cYou always<\/em><\/strong> do this bad thing\u201d or \u201cYou never<\/em><\/strong> do that good thing.\u201d It is rare that issues are black and white; most of the time, there will always be shades of gray. We shouldn\u2019t be so quick to condemn one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t expect him to be a mind-reader. If something is bothering you, discuss it with him. Set yourself up for success by beginning your conversation with an \u201cI\u201d statement instead of a \u201cYou\u201d statement. For example, avoid saying, \u201cYou<\/em><\/strong> left your clothes all over the bedroom again! That was so thoughtless of you<\/em><\/strong>!\u201d Instead, try saying, \u201cI<\/em><\/strong> feel frustrated when I <\/em><\/strong>find clothes all over the bedroom at the end of a long day.\u201d Try to avoid getting personal, and don\u2019t assume that he knows exactly how his actions are affecting you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t go to sleep angry (stay up and fight instead \u2014 just kidding!). Contrary to the age-old advice to resolve all conflicts before going to bed, sometimes it actually helps to sleep on a problem. But first<\/em><\/strong> you have to calm yourself down by reminding yourself to have tawakkul<\/em>, or trust, in Allah. Once you\u2019ve had a full night\u2019s rest, you can tackle your problems with a fresh attitude the next day. Make sure to avoid sleeping in separate beds; you\u2019ll be surprised how many problems can eventually get solved just by snuggling together under the covers. It is Shaytan who wants to separate you two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Avoid arguing in front of your children, but if they ever do witness a loud disagreement between you and your spouse, make sure to make up in front of them as well. Show them that marital conflict is not the end of the world and that there are healthy ways to resolve issues. Let them witness you apologizing and hugging it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Holding grudges breeds toxicity and dysfunction. Once issues are resolved, don\u2019t keep bringing up past mistakes. Learn to forgive. And then forgive every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Have a sense of humor about each other\u2019s annoying flaws and foibles. Case in point: I am frequently misplacing my eyeglasses and losing my wallet. It is such a bad habit of mine that even I have gotten to the point that I have difficulty forgiving myself. Alhamdulillah<\/em> for a patient husband who manages to laugh it off, no matter how many times he ends up being inconvenienced (which is unfortunately a little too often). As long as they\u2019re not extremely serious issues, try to act like you don\u2019t even see each other\u2019s faults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Go with the flow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Four other words: JUST LET IT GO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you get to know your in-laws, you will see that not every family does everything the way your family does. And that\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing. Take the good you see in your new family and adopt it. Ignore the \u201cbad.\u201d Do resolve with your husband, however, not to allow either of your families\u2019 poor habits and poor choices to continue in the next generation that you two are raising together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t complain about or criticize your spouse to your own family. You\u2019ll eventually get over whatever issue was bothering you, but it will be difficult for them to forgive and forget so easily. You want them to respect your husband. Be a veil for him. (Physical abuse, however, is a non-negotiable deal-breaker \u2014 God forbid, if that line is ever crossed, sound the alarm and get help immediately!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want him to respect your family, you will have to show respect for them first. He will follow your lead. If he sees that your family is always causing you to feel annoyed, he will eventually start to resent them for bringing stress into his own household. Protect and nurture that special yet fragile relationship between him and his in-laws.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if it doesn\u2019t seem to be a priority for him, take the time to buy his parents and siblings thoughtful presents \u2014 just because. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, \u201cGive gifts to each other and you will love one another.\u201d So go ahead and \u201cbuy\u201d their love \u2014 it\u2019s sunnah<\/em> after all!<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your husband is ever upset with his own parents or siblings or extended family, don\u2019t jump in and encourage him in his negative opinions. Defend them and make excuses for them and encourage him to see the good in them. Be their advocate. If you have nothing nice to say, stay silent. He may not admit it then, but he will be grateful for your attitude and thank you \u2014 even if only in his heart \u2014 later. The truth is: no one wants to hear anyone else bad-mouthing his family. Remember when we talked about service being one of the \u201cfive languages of love?\u201d Well, here is an opportunity for one of the highest forms of service. Be someone who helps mend hearts and helps bring relations together; don\u2019t be a cause for discord in the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Avoid debt like the plague. A large, fancy, expensive house may do nothing toward making you happy. However, a small, clean, cozy, simple, peaceful home in a safe neighborhood filled with people who are hopefully trying to please Allah can very well feel like a palace in Heaven, insha\u2019Allah<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Responsibly managing the family budget will avoid a lot of stress in your marriage. Paying riba<\/em>, or usury, brings about all kinds of problems in one\u2019s life and destroys the barakah<\/em>, or blessing, in the home. Don\u2019t ever pay interest, even if it means you never get to own your own home or car in this life. Keep your \u201cakhirah <\/em>(hereafter) glasses\u201d on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make do with what you have, and only complain to Allah for your wants and needs. Make your husband feel like a hero. Having said that, don\u2019t hesitate to schedule time to have honest conversations with your husband about anything that needs to be improved \u2014 the key is not<\/em><\/strong> to become an irritating nag who is constantly whining and complaining and issuing orders. Talk to your spouse when he is in the headspace to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be grateful. Be grateful. Be grateful. Allah, great and glorified is He, says in The Holy Qur\u2019an: \u201cIf you are grateful, I will surely increase you.\u201d And Allah always keeps His promises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember: you will never have it all (not in this life at least).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t compare your life to others\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the same time, you might not want to brag to the world about how happy you are. \u2019Ayn<\/em> (the evil eye) and hasad<\/em> (malicious jealousy) are two realities that Allah in His Wisdom has allowed to exist in the world. Protect your marriage from them. Besides, who would ever want to be the cause of any pain or sadness for those who are struggling with their own love lives?<\/p>\n\n\n\n There will be \u201clittle things\u201d that will irritate you about him, and sometimes those causes for irritation might start to feel like \u201cbig things\u201d (even when they are not<\/em><\/strong>). At those times, remind yourself that perfection is only for Allah, try to think about what life would be like without him, and be grateful for a spouse who is choosing to somehow still accept you despite your <\/em><\/strong>shortcomings. (And if someone else\u2019s husband seems perfect to you, remember that everyone<\/em><\/strong> has flaws, and good wives hide their husbands\u2019 shortcomings, so you are probably not getting the full picture \u2014 nor should you expect to.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of chasing \u201chappiness,\u201d try aiming for \u201ccontentment\u201d instead. Avoid getting marital advice from people whom you know are having their own relationship problems. Similarly, stay away from getting advice from newbies who are still learning the ropes themselves. Look to someone who has a long-term, successful marriage of his or her own to find out how to make it work. Try to find one wise, discreet person to consult; don\u2019t tell everyone your \u201cproblems.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If someone you respect says you need therapy, you probably do. Don\u2019t be ashamed to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. Give it your all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you do<\/em><\/strong> pay for marital therapy, only seek out trained professionals who understand and respect the parameters and priorities of your religion. You\u2019ll be surprised at how often well-meaning (but spiritually clueless) therapists will prescribe the haram<\/em>, or Divinely prohibited, as medicine for a troubled marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Attend religious classes together, either in person or online. The point is to keep growing together spiritually. You may not grow at the same pace (and that\u2019s okay<\/em><\/strong> \u2014 you\u2019re two separate souls after all!), but at least you\u2019ll respect the same teachers and will understand each other\u2019s motivations and end goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of listening to those who advise \u201cDon\u2019t let marriage change you,\u201d amend their words to \u201cMarriage should only change you for the better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take an occasional break and travel \u2014 even if you can only afford to do so locally. Published by Hina Khan-MukhtarMarch 15, 2019 In\u00a0celebration of her jubilee anniversary, Hina Khan-Mukhtar shares some marriage advice gathered over the years. Have you ever set foot inside a couple\u2019s home and immediately felt a sense of sakinah, or peace, wash over you? Whether it was a modestly-furnished apartment in a neighborhood where people struggle to make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3255,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1103,564,1120,322],"tags":[608,1152,1147],"class_list":["post-3254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyondchai","category-featured-posts","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","tag-marriage-advice","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3254"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3257,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254\/revisions\/3257"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Make Allah Your #1 Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Work on Increasing Your Love and Affection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Your Grandmothers Were Right \u2014 All Men Want Respect<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Make Your Home a Haven, Make Yourself His Houri<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Conflict is Inevitable \u2014 Learn How to Manage It in a Healthy Manner<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Be a Uniter and Not a Divider<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t Try to Keep Up with the Junaids<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t take one another for granted. Your spouse is a duniyawi<\/em>, or worldly, blessing that can be taken away at any moment. And, believe it or not, somewhere out there is someone who would be more than happy to trade places with you. Appreciate what Allah has given you.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHave a Mentor in Marriage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Set Yourself Up to Soar Spiritually<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/strong>He may be your best friend, or maybe he\u2019s not. Either way, don\u2019t neglect your girlfriends. Take time to nurture those bonds that help you be a better person. There will come a day when you will need the support of your sisters. Don\u2019t let falling in love make you fall out of friendship with your \u201ctribe.\u201d Consider connection with your soul sisters as part of your self-care, but remember that your husband and his needs always <\/em><\/strong>take precedence. If, after being married, people routinely mistake you for being \u201csingle,\u201d you\u2019re definitely doing something wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But make Allah, great and glorified is He, be your ultimate<\/em><\/strong> destination.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
![<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\nHave you ever set foot inside a couple\u2019s home and immediately felt a sense of sakinah<\/em>, or peace, wash over you? Whether it was a modestly-furnished apartment in a neighborhood where people struggle to make ends meet or a magnificent mansion in the most coveted district, these spaces radiated warmth and love and tranquility. What was their secret? How did the husband and wife together achieve this calm and quietude in a world that is too often overwhelmed with cacophony and chaos?<\/p>\n\n\n\nOver the past quarter of a century, many of my elders, teachers, relatives, friends, and community members have shared a whole range of marital advice with me. Being fortunate enough to have witnessed tawfiq<\/em>, or Divine success, in a number of harmonious unions \u2014 in which many of the tips outlined here were implemented \u2014 I feel it is advantageous for us to learn from the success stories in our circles. Therefore, I am sharing the most helpful gems of wisdom in the hopes that you will find suggestions that are of benefit to you. I am not a perfect wife nor would I say I have a perfect marriage, but I do know that these suggestions have worked for me whenever I have been able to act on any of them, alhamdulillah<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPlease keep in mind that this advice is for those women who are in substantially healthy marriages. The assumption is that their husbands are God-fearing, are not emotionally or physically abusive, know how to give their wives their rights, and do not have any debilitating addictions, vices, personality disorders, or mental health struggles. Although most of the following counsels are primarily for the wife in the marriage, some do<\/em><\/strong> apply to both partners \u2014 however, you will have to go to a male writer if you want advice solely for the husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTherefore, dear sisters, while reading, please resist protesting, \u201cBut what about him<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d This isn\u2019t about him \u2014 this is about you and me.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake Allah Your #1 Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nA scholar once encouraged us to look at our order of priorities in life as a pyramid with Allah, great and glorified is He, at the top. It is from the understanding of having a hierarchy \u2014 of Allah first; then husband; then children and parents and teachers; then closest friends and extended family; then greater community \u2014 that the barakah<\/em>, or blessing, comes into the home and flows out to every family member. Many people mix up the order and then don\u2019t understand why there isn\u2019t peace in the home and why the children are rebellious. Look at your circles of concern, and then make sure that an awareness of Allah, great and glorified is He, is at the top of the pyramid which then runs as a core through all of the other layers.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPray together and pray\u00a0for\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>one another. Supplicate every step of the way. Rely on\u00a0salaat-ul-istikhara<\/em>, or the prayer of guidance, for all major family decisions. Pray for your union to bring healthy and righteous children into the world who will grow up to be beloved to Allah, great and glorified is He. One scholar lightheartedly but sincerely advised us to \u201cpray that your partner is someone who drags you to\u00a0Jannah<\/em>\u00a0(Paradise).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake your marriage a means of drawing closer to Allah, of pleasing Him. Look at it as an act of worship. Have big intentions. Don\u2019t keep score of how much you\u2019re doing for your husband versus how much he\u2019s doing for you; instead, make your intention solely for Allah, great and glorified is He. Seek His approval and pleasure \u2014 and His alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWork on Increasing Your Love and Affection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nFollow the example of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace; <\/em>there was a reason he encouraged spouses to hold hands and to feed one another from the same plate. Just like any other blessing, marriage can eventually start to feel \u201cold\u201d and \u201cstale\u201d and \u201ctaken-for-granted,\u201d but these types of intimate gestures help to re-invigorate the marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTake note of the five \u201clanguages of love\u201d \u2014 providing service; giving time; giving verbal praise\/affirmation; giving physical affection; giving gifts \u2014 and see which one your spouse utilizes on you the most. If you have a different language of love, he may not notice it unless you reciprocate from time to time with the same language that he is using. Learn his love language and then use it in order to be \u201cheard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nFlirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBut please don\u2019t be overly demonstrative in public. That just makes everyone else extremely uncomfortable. As a couple, preserve your dignity and self-respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\nEstablish a routine or a tradition that no one else is allowed to get in the way of \u2014 not work, not parents, not children. For some couples, it will be Sunday morning brunch together; for others, it will be after-dinner tea; yet others may choose to go for an evening walk or to read aloud to one another in bed. There are many who have established a designated \u201cDate Night\u201d in their weekly schedule. Have something special just for you two and then jealously guard it; it should be something that you both will miss if it ever got taken away.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHold onto your passions and interests. You may not be into each other\u2019s \u201cpet projects,\u201d but be each other\u2019s biggest cheerleaders. Ask sincere questions about whatever hobby the other is into.<\/p>\n\n\n\nKhidma<\/em>, or service, wins hearts. Filling his gas tank that you realize is almost on empty, helping him complete the dreaded tax forms, sewing on his button that you noticed came loose are all signs that you care about him and are looking out for him. For some spouses, actions speak much louder than words. There should be a difference between you being present in his life and you being absent.<\/p>\n\n\n\nGo to bed at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAmong the most important duties of husbands and wives in the Islamic context is the fulfillment of one another\u2019s sexual needs. This is not something to take lightly. Spouses who insist on rejecting their partner\u2019s advances cannot be surprised to witness their relationship disintegrate. There are situations when a husband is forbidden to approach his wife for intercourse (i.e. during her menstrual cycle, during her postpartum bleeding, and during fasts in Ramadan), but outside of these cases, it is imperative for both spouses to do their utmost to make sure they are partners in every way \u2014 not least of which, physically.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAlways pray that Allah, great and glorified is He, maintains the love in your heart for your spouse and that He preserves the love in your partner\u2019s heart for you. Allah is the One Who puts love in our hearts for one another, and He is the One Who can take that same love out in any split second. If you stop to think about it, it is a sheer wonder that out of the billions of people in the world, there is one person who has that special love in his heart for you \u2014 that is nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. Thank Him for that blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\nYour Grandmothers Were Right \u2014 All Men Want Respect<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nThe wife might be the one to instigate most major changes in life; she might be the one who brings home the thicker paycheck; however, the husband should be given the respect of having the clear role of being the Emir, <\/em>or leader, of the family. He should be honored by the wife and the children as the guardian of the household, and he <\/em><\/strong>in turn should recognize that Allah<\/em><\/strong> is the Guardian of his and his wife\u2019s household. Of course, acknowledging your husband as the Emir<\/em> doesn\u2019t mean that you aren\u2019t very vocal in sharing your own opinions. As one grandmother joked, \u201cThe husband is the head of the family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t contradict or correct him in public. Give him the dignity he deserves. (As my own husband had to once firmly remind me, \u201cI\u2019m not the one being homeschooled.\u201d Eek! Duly noted.)<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t ever demean your husband to your children. If you don\u2019t honor their father, they won\u2019t either. And, remember, it\u2019s still gheeba<\/em>, or backbiting, to talk about your spouse in a way that he wouldn\u2019t like, even<\/em><\/strong> if it\u2019s only with the people who will always love him. Don\u2019t let your guard down when it comes to his rights.<\/p>\n\n\n\nIf he ever buys you a gift that you don\u2019t love, love it anyway. See the heart of the gift-giver behind the gift. There are always gentle and cheerful ways of honestly communicating your preferences at a later time.<\/p>\n\n\n\nRegardless of whether you had a social media presence before marriage or not, once you\u2019re his wife, be aware of his views on how much you post about yourself and your life with him. Respect his limits.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPut your cell phone, your book, and \u2014 yes \u2014 even your prayer beads away when he\u2019s trying to talk to you about his day. Give him your undivided attention, and teach your children (who are old enough to understand) that they are not to interrupt their parents\u2019 time together.<\/p>\n\n\n\nA sense of humor \u2014 that isn\u2019t cruel or mocking \u2014 is one of the most attractive qualities in a man. I still shake my head and chuckle at hubby\u2019s corny joke that he\u2019s been lovingly teasing me with for the past 25 years: \u201cOn August 14, Pakistan gained its independence\u2026and I lost mine!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nLaugh with him but never <\/em><\/strong>at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake Your Home a Haven, Make Yourself His Houri<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nI realize that many women today are uncomfortable with the word \u201chouri<\/em>,\u201d but houris<\/em> are real creations of Allah, great and glorified is He, who are described in The Holy Qur\u2019an as \u201ccompanions in Paradise.\u201d I believe it\u2019s time that we reclaim this word and own it for what it is. There is no reason why our homes can\u2019t be little pieces of Paradise, insha\u2019Allah<\/em>, and no reason why we can\u2019t be heavenly companions for our husbands within our own homes!<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen you see your beloved for the first time after he returns home, make sure to greet him and kiss him and hug him. Practicing Muslim men who have taqwa<\/em>, or God-consciousness, will avoid all physical contact with women who are not their blood relatives, and many of them are surrounded at work by women who make an effort to look attractive. You are the reward your husband gets at the end of a long, dry day. Be soft and affectionate and fragrant.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen you know life has been stressful and busy, wait until he\u2019s he\u2019s had a chance to relax before asking him to do anything or before breaking any bad news to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\nEverything about you \u2014 from your clothes, to your hair, to your skin, to your breath \u2014 should smell clean and fresh\u2026for yourself, yes, but especially so for your husband!<\/p>\n\n\n\nBe kind and welcoming to one another\u2019s friends. (But don\u2019t ever<\/em><\/strong> be in solitude with the opposite gender \u2014 and that includes not being alone with another man on social media either.)<\/p>\n\n\n\nCook together. And even if you don\u2019t consider yourself to be a talented cook, at least make a sincere effort to learn how to make some of his favorite dishes.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTake care of yourself physically \u2014 exercise, eat well, and have a self-care regimen. So many of us make such an effort for strangers, but it is our spouses who deserve our best selves. Think of marriage as one long dating experience where both partners are still intent on presenting their best selves \u2014 becoming their best selves \u2014 for each other. I still have childhood memories of my mom brushing her hair and putting on lipstick and perfume before my dad came home from work.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake your home an oasis of calm in this stormy world, a place of refuge to which he can escape \u2014 a world that smells nice, is clean and organized, has a well-stocked fridge, and where the members of the household speak in respectful and loving tones with one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\nConflict is Inevitable \u2014 Learn How to Manage It in a Healthy Manner<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nThe first two years of marriage often end up being the most exciting as well as being the most challenging. Even if you were to go on a fun all-girls\u2019 adventure trip, you would find yourself getting rubbed the wrong way by your closest friends at some point or another. In the first couple of years of marriage, you\u2019re learning how to live with another nafs<\/em>, or ego, while he\u2019s having to do the same. But what it comes down to is that marriage isn\u2019t so much about struggling with another\u2019s nafs<\/em> as it is about struggling with your own. Expect to be challenged. Intend to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\nIt\u2019s perfectly okay to have different personalities and different interests. After all, variety is the spice of life! What you want to make sure, however, is that you both have the same goals for your marriage and for your future family and that you\u2019re both on the same page about how to achieve those goals, insha\u2019Allah.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nOne cousin of mine caused quite a bit of consternation amongst our elders. \u201cI don\u2019t believe in the word \u2018compromise\u2019 when it comes to marriage,\u201d he proclaimed. \u201cWhat are you saying?! Marriage is<\/em><\/strong> compromise!\u201d my mother scolded him. But then he explained: \u201cIf you think of everything as a \u2018compromise,\u2019 you will keep score and you will eventually become bitter. Once you decide to do something, try to embrace it fully and believe in it. Don\u2019t think of it as a \u2018compromise\u2019 any more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nSelf-reflect, and don\u2019t be too proud to apologize. The relief on his face and the peace in the home that comes after suffering the sting of stepping on your own ego in order to say \u201cI\u2019m sorry; I was wrong\u201d is so so so worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\nIt is a given that all of us will get angry at some point or another, but it is when tempers are flared that people\u2019s true natures are revealed. Be mindful of whom you always want to be. Try \u2014 even if it\u2019s a struggle \u2014 to maintain your adab<\/em>, or manners\/etiquettes, when you\u2019re upset. Being angry is never an excuse to break or throw things, scream, curse, use foul language, slam doors, pull hair, scratch, spit, raise an arm, or throw punches. Don\u2019t casually toss around the D-word (divorce!) every time you feel overwhelmed. In regards to our interpersonal conduct when we feel frustrated, it is important to always remember: Allah, great and glorified is He, is watching.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen your spouse is angry or visibly agitated, stay quiet in the heat of the moment. You can always make your point at a later time.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen addressing your disagreements, avoid using absolutes like \u201calways\u201d and \u201cnever.\u201d It\u2019s not fair to forget the positives in your husband by saying: \u201cYou always<\/em><\/strong> do this bad thing\u201d or \u201cYou never<\/em><\/strong> do that good thing.\u201d It is rare that issues are black and white; most of the time, there will always be shades of gray. We shouldn\u2019t be so quick to condemn one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t expect him to be a mind-reader. If something is bothering you, discuss it with him. Set yourself up for success by beginning your conversation with an \u201cI\u201d statement instead of a \u201cYou\u201d statement. For example, avoid saying, \u201cYou<\/em><\/strong> left your clothes all over the bedroom again! That was so thoughtless of you<\/em><\/strong>!\u201d Instead, try saying, \u201cI<\/em><\/strong> feel frustrated when I <\/em><\/strong>find clothes all over the bedroom at the end of a long day.\u201d Try to avoid getting personal, and don\u2019t assume that he knows exactly how his actions are affecting you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t go to sleep angry (stay up and fight instead \u2014 just kidding!). Contrary to the age-old advice to resolve all conflicts before going to bed, sometimes it actually helps to sleep on a problem. But first<\/em><\/strong> you have to calm yourself down by reminding yourself to have tawakkul<\/em>, or trust, in Allah. Once you\u2019ve had a full night\u2019s rest, you can tackle your problems with a fresh attitude the next day. Make sure to avoid sleeping in separate beds; you\u2019ll be surprised how many problems can eventually get solved just by snuggling together under the covers. It is Shaytan who wants to separate you two.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAvoid arguing in front of your children, but if they ever do witness a loud disagreement between you and your spouse, make sure to make up in front of them as well. Show them that marital conflict is not the end of the world and that there are healthy ways to resolve issues. Let them witness you apologizing and hugging it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHolding grudges breeds toxicity and dysfunction. Once issues are resolved, don\u2019t keep bringing up past mistakes. Learn to forgive. And then forgive every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHave a sense of humor about each other\u2019s annoying flaws and foibles. Case in point: I am frequently misplacing my eyeglasses and losing my wallet. It is such a bad habit of mine that even I have gotten to the point that I have difficulty forgiving myself. Alhamdulillah<\/em> for a patient husband who manages to laugh it off, no matter how many times he ends up being inconvenienced (which is unfortunately a little too often). As long as they\u2019re not extremely serious issues, try to act like you don\u2019t even see each other\u2019s faults.<\/p>\n\n\n\nGo with the flow.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFour other words: JUST LET IT GO.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBe a Uniter and Not a Divider<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nWhen you get to know your in-laws, you will see that not every family does everything the way your family does. And that\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing. Take the good you see in your new family and adopt it. Ignore the \u201cbad.\u201d Do resolve with your husband, however, not to allow either of your families\u2019 poor habits and poor choices to continue in the next generation that you two are raising together.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t complain about or criticize your spouse to your own family. You\u2019ll eventually get over whatever issue was bothering you, but it will be difficult for them to forgive and forget so easily. You want them to respect your husband. Be a veil for him. (Physical abuse, however, is a non-negotiable deal-breaker \u2014 God forbid, if that line is ever crossed, sound the alarm and get help immediately!)<\/p>\n\n\n\nIf you want him to respect your family, you will have to show respect for them first. He will follow your lead. If he sees that your family is always causing you to feel annoyed, he will eventually start to resent them for bringing stress into his own household. Protect and nurture that special yet fragile relationship between him and his in-laws.<\/p>\n\n\n\nEven if it doesn\u2019t seem to be a priority for him, take the time to buy his parents and siblings thoughtful presents \u2014 just because. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, \u201cGive gifts to each other and you will love one another.\u201d So go ahead and \u201cbuy\u201d their love \u2014 it\u2019s sunnah<\/em> after all!<\/p>\n\n\n\nIf your husband is ever upset with his own parents or siblings or extended family, don\u2019t jump in and encourage him in his negative opinions. Defend them and make excuses for them and encourage him to see the good in them. Be their advocate. If you have nothing nice to say, stay silent. He may not admit it then, but he will be grateful for your attitude and thank you \u2014 even if only in his heart \u2014 later. The truth is: no one wants to hear anyone else bad-mouthing his family. Remember when we talked about service being one of the \u201cfive languages of love?\u201d Well, here is an opportunity for one of the highest forms of service. Be someone who helps mend hearts and helps bring relations together; don\u2019t be a cause for discord in the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t Try to Keep Up with the Junaids<\/h3>\n\n\n\nAvoid debt like the plague. A large, fancy, expensive house may do nothing toward making you happy. However, a small, clean, cozy, simple, peaceful home in a safe neighborhood filled with people who are hopefully trying to please Allah can very well feel like a palace in Heaven, insha\u2019Allah<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nResponsibly managing the family budget will avoid a lot of stress in your marriage. Paying riba<\/em>, or usury, brings about all kinds of problems in one\u2019s life and destroys the barakah<\/em>, or blessing, in the home. Don\u2019t ever pay interest, even if it means you never get to own your own home or car in this life. Keep your \u201cakhirah <\/em>(hereafter) glasses\u201d on.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake do with what you have, and only complain to Allah for your wants and needs. Make your husband feel like a hero. Having said that, don\u2019t hesitate to schedule time to have honest conversations with your husband about anything that needs to be improved \u2014 the key is not<\/em><\/strong> to become an irritating nag who is constantly whining and complaining and issuing orders. Talk to your spouse when he is in the headspace to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBe grateful. Be grateful. Be grateful. Allah, great and glorified is He, says in The Holy Qur\u2019an: \u201cIf you are grateful, I will surely increase you.\u201d And Allah always keeps His promises.<\/p>\n\n\n\nRemember: you will never have it all (not in this life at least).<\/p>\n\n\n\nDon\u2019t compare your life to others\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAt the same time, you might not want to brag to the world about how happy you are. \u2019Ayn<\/em> (the evil eye) and hasad<\/em> (malicious jealousy) are two realities that Allah in His Wisdom has allowed to exist in the world. Protect your marriage from them. Besides, who would ever want to be the cause of any pain or sadness for those who are struggling with their own love lives?<\/p>\n\n\n\nThere will be \u201clittle things\u201d that will irritate you about him, and sometimes those causes for irritation might start to feel like \u201cbig things\u201d (even when they are not<\/em><\/strong>). At those times, remind yourself that perfection is only for Allah, try to think about what life would be like without him, and be grateful for a spouse who is choosing to somehow still accept you despite your <\/em><\/strong>shortcomings. (And if someone else\u2019s husband seems perfect to you, remember that everyone<\/em><\/strong> has flaws, and good wives hide their husbands\u2019 shortcomings, so you are probably not getting the full picture \u2014 nor should you expect to.)<\/p>\n\n\n\nInstead of chasing \u201chappiness,\u201d try aiming for \u201ccontentment\u201d instead.Don\u2019t take one another for granted. Your spouse is a duniyawi<\/em>, or worldly, blessing that can be taken away at any moment. And, believe it or not, somewhere out there is someone who would be more than happy to trade places with you. Appreciate what Allah has given you.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHave a Mentor in Marriage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\nAvoid getting marital advice from people whom you know are having their own relationship problems. Similarly, stay away from getting advice from newbies who are still learning the ropes themselves. Look to someone who has a long-term, successful marriage of his or her own to find out how to make it work. Try to find one wise, discreet person to consult; don\u2019t tell everyone your \u201cproblems.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nIf someone you respect says you need therapy, you probably do. Don\u2019t be ashamed to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. Give it your all.<\/p>\n\n\n\nIf you do<\/em><\/strong> pay for marital therapy, only seek out trained professionals who understand and respect the parameters and priorities of your religion. You\u2019ll be surprised at how often well-meaning (but spiritually clueless) therapists will prescribe the haram<\/em>, or Divinely prohibited, as medicine for a troubled marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSet Yourself Up to Soar Spiritually<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<\/strong>He may be your best friend, or maybe he\u2019s not. Either way, don\u2019t neglect your girlfriends. Take time to nurture those bonds that help you be a better person. There will come a day when you will need the support of your sisters. Don\u2019t let falling in love make you fall out of friendship with your \u201ctribe.\u201d Consider connection with your soul sisters as part of your self-care, but remember that your husband and his needs always <\/em><\/strong>take precedence. If, after being married, people routinely mistake you for being \u201csingle,\u201d you\u2019re definitely doing something wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAttend religious classes together, either in person or online. The point is to keep growing together spiritually. You may not grow at the same pace (and that\u2019s okay<\/em><\/strong> \u2014 you\u2019re two separate souls after all!), but at least you\u2019ll respect the same teachers and will understand each other\u2019s motivations and end goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\nInstead of listening to those who advise \u201cDon\u2019t let marriage change you,\u201d amend their words to \u201cMarriage should only change you for the better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nTake an occasional break and travel \u2014 even if you can only afford to do so locally.But make Allah, great and glorified is He, be your ultimate<\/em><\/strong> destination.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Published by Hina Khan-MukhtarMarch 15, 2019 In\u00a0celebration of her jubilee anniversary, Hina Khan-Mukhtar shares some marriage advice gathered over the years. Have you ever set foot inside a couple\u2019s home and immediately felt a sense of sakinah, or peace, wash over you? Whether it was a modestly-furnished apartment in a neighborhood where people struggle to make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3255,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1103,564,1120,322],"tags":[608,1152,1147],"class_list":["post-3254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyondchai","category-featured-posts","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","tag-marriage-advice","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3254"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3257,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254\/revisions\/3257"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}](\"https:\/\/seekersguidance.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/candles-2000135_1920.jpg\"){kind=link}