3. Set a time limit <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nHow long are you willing to give to this stage? A week, a month?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How about late nights or when there\u2019s a time difference?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was in a long-distance relationship with Victoria, and we were 6 hours apart, and believe me, it was the time when I actually had rings under my eyes! Investing your time in the early stages can be very exhausting, so it\u2019s important that you set clear boundaries and expectations right from the start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. \u2018Meeting\u2019 online <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nMeeting someone in person isn\u2019t always possible and in some cases impractical, so it\u2019s very important that you jump onto a video chat within the first couple of weeks, if you\u2019re interested in someone. Otherwise, there\u2019s a real danger of being catfished. It\u2019s very important that you get this out of the way to avoid the pain of finding out later. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. Sharing photos <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nIt\u2019s beautiful to share parts of your world when you\u2019re trying to get to know someone, to even impress them, but you have to be careful that you don\u2019t overshare<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSo consider what private images of yourself and your family you are willing to share. Your work or parts of your social life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These are important decisions and may come back to bite you if you are not careful. Some horror stories include images being used to blackmail someone into giving money and threats of sharing images on the internet or with family and friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. What you\u2019re asked to do <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nThink about what you are being asked to do. This is a tactic used by disingenuous people to test the boundaries with you. They start off with small requests, and it goes from there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be careful if you are someone who is vulnerable, in need of companionship, you have an unhealthy attachment style, or have past trauma etc. You are their ideal person to abuse and they will quickly be able to determine this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Things that you can be tested by may include: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Money \u2013 asking for money or giving you money to \u2018buy\u2019 your loyalty <\/em><\/li>
- Keeping promises \u2013 test you through keeping \u2018low level\u2019 secrets to start off with such as \u2018I won\u2019t tell anyone if you don\u2019t\u2019 and moving on to more serious things such as \u2018I\u2019ve never told this to anyone before\u2026\u2019\u2019<\/em><\/li>
- Physical requests \u2013 touching hands, kissing, and sexual requests<\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
7. Emotional abuse<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nOn one hand, they are charming, kind, and sweet, confessing that you are the perfect person for them and the next they are withholding praise or affection i.e. it comes and goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They may also make you feel that you are overreacting when you question something really important so that you even question your own mental well-being. And there are the threats to leave because you don\u2019t deserve them, so you feel like you\u2019re inferior which affects your sense of self-worth. It gets messy when it\u2019s like this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. Don\u2019t forget to check! <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nIt is really important that you don\u2019t shy away from doing this. It is one time within our faith that we are allowed to and should ask very personal questions from a nominated referee about the person you\u2019re communicating with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why? Because you want to check that what someone has shared with you matches up with an independent and impartial person. That is why the person who gives you a reference should not be a relative but an Imam, community leader, or someone they have traveled or traded with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Conscious choice before you commit<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Now that you\u2019ve started to attract the right people, insha\u2019Allah, and have set clear boundaries of communication to keep you safe, it\u2019s time to relax a bit. No<\/strong>!<\/p>\n\n\n\nThis is perhaps the most difficult part as it\u2019s about making the decision to move ahead with someone and really commit<\/em>. Many people will get cold feet at this stage because they\u2019ll be saying yes. And when you\u2019re saying yes to something, you\u2019re saying no to something else. This is when doubts will creep in.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTherefore, the decision may be difficult, especially if you\u2019ve had past negative experiences, your attachment style, or your deep-seated beliefs around commitment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As you will make an important decision about your future life, it\u2018s vital to have an outsider’s perspective and that\u2019s precisely what we do as relationship coaches. You can\u2019t always see clearly when you\u2019re in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In our work, we help individuals to navigate this often complex but hugely important stage of their life. This is our expertise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some of the things that my wife and I have come across in our work include faith being used to commit quickly (spiritual pressure), so the choices made are rushed and not the best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes individuals are insecure due to previous relationship break-ups; therefore, find it difficult to say no. Some have even been manipulated or controlled and, as a result, are vulnerable but can\u2019t see it. Others are too emotionally attached, and their decision is foggy, even though they have come across red flags. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019ve done the right work to get you to this stage, you should be clear and confident on why you\u2019re deciding to make the choice to move forward. And that doesn\u2019t mean you have committed for life <\/em>yet, but it does mean you are serious enough and are now \u2018engaged\u2019 to this person in a Halal Courtship with the intention to commit. No more the grass may be greener elsewhere<\/em>, peeps! <\/p>\n\n\n\nIf you don\u2019t wish to continue, you have to find the courage and ways to end the communication. Don\u2019t feel guilty. It\u2019s your life. You cannot and should not make a blind decision. It has to be based on who you are, what you need, and of course, some wants and desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The key thing is that you should be very clear on what\u2019s acceptable or not so that when you\u2019re making a choice, it\u2019s a conscious choice considering all the facts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You should never feel that you are being forced or pressured to make a decision, and there is no defined time limit when you should choose. It\u2019s all a personal matter. The main thing is that in all of your interactions, make sure that you are Allah-conscious<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nYes, being in a Halal Courtship means you should keep it halal! Stay within the boundaries set within our faith, and that includes where you meet, the types of conversations that you have, and how sincere you are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Whilst the courting process may be full of excitement and fun, it is very important that we don\u2019t get carried away by romantic notions of perfection and your expectations are so high that there actually isn\u2019t a person as such that exists on Planet Earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the contrary, don\u2019t be so gullible to the point that you\u2019re not protecting yourself by throwing yourself irresponsibly into every encounter that you have with someone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Choosing a life partner will be one of the most decisions that you will ever make in your life. This person will be the mother\/father of your child, your business advisor, your leisure friend, and ultimately, your retirement companion! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I think of my wife Victoria as my retirement companion, I just can\u2019t wait until we\u2019re on the sunny shores of the Mediterranean Sea in Granada, Spain. Just sitting back, sipping some Soy Chai Latte, and chatting about how life is beautiful because we\u2019re helping Muslims to create, cultivate and celebrate love. The halal way! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So you see, all the work that I did to become authentic and true to myself was in preparation to receive Victoria in my life. Alhamdulillah. None of it was in vain. Now it\u2019s your turn to do the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pray to Allah that you all remain authentic, stay safe, protect your hearts and minds, and find everlasting love, Ameen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You should never feel that you are being forced or pressured to make a decision, and there is no defined time limit when you should choose. The main thing is that in all of your interactions, make sure that you are Allah-conscious. Source: https:\/\/themuslimvibe.com\/featured\/halal-courtship-the-3-essential-steps-to-safely-prepare-you-for-your-marriage By Tafazal Mohammed,15th March 2022 \u201cOne day, Prince Charming will come […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3073,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1103,564,321],"tags":[608,1152,1151,1147],"class_list":["post-3069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyondchai","category-featured-posts","category-for-singles","tag-marriage-advice","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3069"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3069\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3075,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3069\/revisions\/3075"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3073"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}