This foundational theory of The Gottman Institute gives couples the tools they need to have a healthy secure relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In his New York Times bestselling book\u00a0\u201cThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,\u201d\u00a0Dr. John Gottman introduced the concept that a foundationally secure partnership is like a house. It has weight-bearing walls and levels that each person builds upon to create a sturdy bond. He called this structure the Sound Relationship House, and for more than 20 years, it\u2019s given countless couples the tools they need to have happy healthy relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So what is the Sound Relationship House exactly? Here is an overview floor by floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It all begins on the firm foundation of knowing each other. In the first level of the Sound Relationship House, partners build what Dr. John Gottman calls a \u201cLove Map,\u201d which is the essential guide to your partner\u2019s inner world. What are their likes and dislikes? Who is your partner\u2019s best friend? Did they have a happy childhood? How do they prefer to relax after a tense day?\u00a0Building Love Maps\u00a0means asking the right questions to learn more about your partner. In an ideal relationship, you and your partner know each other better than anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everyone needs to hear something nice about themselves, and it means the most when it comes from your partner.\u00a0Sharing fondness and admiration\u00a0sounds like vocalizing the characteristics that you appreciate. Perhaps you admire their sense of humor or the way they\u2019re always willing to help someone in need. In healthy relationships, you can articulate the big and little reasons you love your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you need attention, support, and comfort from your partner, you are likely to say something or make a gesture to elicit a response from them\u2014what the Gottmans call a \u201cbid.\u201d Your partner\u00a0turns toward\u00a0that bid when they reply with what you need. Consistently turning away (or worst yet, turning\u00a0against<\/em>) a bid spells disaster for any relationship. When you both recognize and turn toward each other\u2019s bids, you create a safe space for you both to express yourselves and your needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Isn\u2019t so much of life all in how you look at it? That\u2019s what the Positive Perspective offers. Couples in healthy relationships see the best in each other and don\u2019t rush to offense or criticism. So, when your partner rushes out the door and forgets to kiss you goodbye, a\u00a0Positive Perspective\u00a0means that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they were absentmindedly preoccupied rather than intentionally negligent. Believing that you\u2019re on the same team solidifies your union and strengthens you from the inside out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Since you can\u2019t avoid conflict, knowing what to do when it inevitably shows is key.\u00a0 First, you need to accept your partner\u2019s\u00a0influence\u2014meaning you take their feelings and desires into account instead of doing everything your own way. Second, whether problems are\u00a0solvable or perpetual, you dialogue about them. Third, when you feel yourself getting heated during an argument,\u00a0self-soothing\u00a0(such as taking a walk or taking deep breaths) will help you remain calm.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n The beauty of good companionship is that you have someone who will not only encourage you in your goals but also help you reach them. This level can look like coming up with a plan to pay off debt brought into the partnership or being supportive of them going back to school.\u00a0Making life dreams come true\u00a0shows that you want the best possible life for your partner and you are willing to do what it takes to make that happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The top of the Sound Relationship House functions much like its foundation of Love Maps, except on this level, you build and understand an inner world\u00a0as a couple<\/em>. The Gottmans think of it as developing a culture of symbols and rituals that express who you are as a team. It can be as simple as getting pizza from the place you both love every Friday night and as intricate as the unique way you celebrate birthdays. These\u00a0Rituals of Connection\u00a0define you as a unit, and you create them together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As important as all the floors of the Sound Relationship House are, they don\u2019t hold together without the pillars of\u00a0trust\u00a0and\u00a0commitment. In a healthy, supportive relationship, two people make the decision to have faith in each other and stick together. They freely love one another and pledge to help that love grow.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Sound Relationship House is a foundational theory of The Gottman Institute, and you can learn more with the\u00a0Gottman Relationship Coach, where the Gottmans break down each level and give examples. With these principles guiding you, you\u2019ll have a relationship that can weather any storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Gottman Institute, November 30, 2020 Source: https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house\/ This foundational theory of The Gottman Institute gives couples the tools they need to have a healthy secure relationship. In his New York Times bestselling book\u00a0\u201cThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,\u201d\u00a0Dr. John Gottman introduced the concept that a foundationally secure partnership is like a house. 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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nFloor 1: Build Love Maps<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 2: Share Fondness and Admiration<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 3: Turn Towards<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 4: The Positive Perspective<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 5: Manage Conflict<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 6: Make Life Dreams Come True<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Floor 7: Create Shared Meaning<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
The Weight-Bearing Walls of Trust and Commitment<\/h4>\n\n\n\n