{"id":2886,"date":"2021-11-28T18:01:18","date_gmt":"2021-11-28T18:01:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/?p=2886"},"modified":"2021-11-28T18:01:20","modified_gmt":"2021-11-28T18:01:20","slug":"the-muslim-marriage-crisis-a-frank-conversation-with-imam-zaid-shakir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/2021\/11\/28\/the-muslim-marriage-crisis-a-frank-conversation-with-imam-zaid-shakir\/","title":{"rendered":"The Muslim Marriage Crisis \u2013 A Frank Conversation with Imam Zaid Shakir"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Source: https:\/\/seekersguidance.org\/articles\/general-artices\/understanding-marriage-a-conversation-with-imam-zaid-shakir-by-fahad-faruqui\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fahad Faruqui<\/strong>\u00a0had an in-depth discussion with a leading American-Muslim scholar Imam Zaid Shakir, a senior faculty member of Zaytuna College, about marriage, polygamy, temporary marriages, and divorce, in an attempt to tease out the true spirit of love, romance, and marriage in Islam.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Some Muslim men and women spend several years in finding the right spouse. Very few know what exactly they\u2019re looking for beyond physical beauty and financial stability, which has proved to be insufficient for a sustained, successful marriage. And many others have a skewed Disney fairytale version of love and marriage in mind.
Marriage in Islam, in the outward sense, is merely a social contract, but the wise Imam explained that it is also a \u201cspiritual covenant,\u201d which got me thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fahad Faruqui: <\/strong>Can you talk a bit about how the institution of marriage is seen in Islam? And what should one look for when searching for a spouse?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Imam Zaid Shakir:\u00a0<\/strong>Marriage in Islam is a sacred covenant, whereby intimacy between the genders becomes lawful and sanctified, and acceptable to the Lord of the Worlds. So there is definitely a deeper spiritual covenant to it, and I think a lot of times we lose sight of the fact that there\u2019s an issue of not only fidelity towards one\u2019s spouse and not only a desire to please one\u2019s spouse and to sacrifice for one\u2019s spouse, but also to please Allah and to have fidelity in our dealings with Almighty God.
Marriage is an institution whereby we can deepen our relationship not only with another human being but with Allah subhanahu wa-ta\u2019ala.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Q:<\/strong> It seems that more and more people are losing faith in the institution of marriage. What is the root of this problem?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong> It\u2019s a societal problem, so our societies are increasingly of people who\u2019re divorced from not just the teachings of Islam per se, but from deeper ethical and moral teachings. And these kinds of issues you\u2019re pointing to are only manifestations of those deeper crises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> When you say marriage is a spiritual covenant, where does Islam place those men and women who cheat on their partners and hence, put their relationship in jepoardy?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong> I think it affirms the fact that they\u2019re living a life divorced from a sense of responsibility\u2026A wife is a trust from Allah. A husband, a family is a trust. Allah ta\u2019ala mentions in the Quran: \u201cO ye believers! Don\u2019t betray Allah and His messenger.\u201d And simultaneously by so doing, you\u2019re betraying the trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> Why Islam gave men the right to marry four women at a time?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0There are situations where there are a disproportionate number of eligible women, and polygamy allows a dignified way for those women to be married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> Even though the reasons for allowing polygamy may be well founded, why do we see the practice being misused?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0Oh, most definitely! Any social institution can be misused. Marriage itself is misused, like for obtaining residency, visas, extending favors to relatives, and situations that render those people involved extremely unhappy in many instances. So there\u2019s no doubt that polygamy is misused. And this is why Islam tried to regulate the practice so that the potential for misuse can be minimized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> How did Islam curb the pre-Islamic forms of marriages?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0First of all, by limiting the number of wives. When you had marriages [in the pre-Islamic era] where there were 10 or 12 wives for one man then you basically had a revolving-door policy, where three or four wives were divorced every few months and then others taken on. This sort of nonsense was something that Islam tried to eliminate by making a manageable arrangement that was subject to limitation. Also requiring the equal treatment of one\u2019s wives\u2013in terms of their maintenance, clothing, and provisions.
Islam tried to regulate a practice that has social benefit in many situations and instances and to elevate thereby the status of the man and the woman. Anyone who\u2019s suggesting that the primary motivation for man marrying another wife is boredom is extremely misguided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\"Muslim<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>There have, however, been instances of exactly that\u2013men marrying out of boredom.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:\u00a0<\/strong>Definitely, there are instances. Okay, my wife doesn\u2019t turn me on anymore, so I\u2019ll go get another wife, you have instances of that. But how frequent is that? Especially in light of the fact that in non-oil producing Muslim countries and increasingly even in those countries, such as Libya and even Saudi Arabia, where the population is growing, an average guy can\u2019t afford one wife. It has become increasingly difficult for 99 percent of Muslim men to get married \u2013 period \u2013 to a single wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


So to take the practices of a small minority and extrapolate from that into a situation that supposedly represents the norm\u2013the normal Muslim man being bored with his wife, so he gets another wife\u2013I think that\u2019s a dangerous way of looking at social reality.
How many Saudi men can involve themselves in this sort of nonsense?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> A good number, Imam Zaid.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong> What percentage would you say?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> In terms of percentage in the Muslim ummah [community] it may be low. There is a problem when the west or even the feminists look at the Muslim world and say that such practices are becoming normative.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>I am not denying it\u2019s a problem. And I am not denying it is a misuse of religion, and it\u2019s the abuse of an institution that was instituted for noble means, so that\u2019s definitely true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> Aren\u2019t temporary marriages\u2013like misyar, misfar or mu\u2019tah\u2013escaping the commitment and responsibility towards the family?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s why we believe temporary marriages were forbidden! And these sorts of arrangements are extremely questionable. And I said these are only excuses that point to a deeper set of problems in society. When one is looking for legal loopholes to escape one\u2019s responsibility, then it\u2019s a betrayal. When one is looking for legal loopholes to escape one\u2019s responsibility, get out of a contract that one has entered into through guiles and schemes\u2013this is a betrayal of Allah and the betrayal of the messenger of Allah, who introduced a set of very serious practices to this ummah in order to safeguard the social and spiritual integrity of the ummah. These practices you point to are simply indications of social disintegration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> But what\u2019s surprising is that practices like misyar<\/em> [arrangement marriage] is preferred by women, who are not willing to completely invest themselves in marriage and would like to keep their options open while getting expensive gifts.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s exactly what I am pointing to. It\u2019s a deeper problem that transcends gender and points to spiritual crises, where the religion is just a set of rules to either be adhered to, if you\u2019re pious, or to be skirted around by various guiles and schemes if you\u2019re not pious. And women who would facilitate such foolishness are just demonstrating that they too are affected by that spiritual disease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: What should be guidelines for marriage then?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong> I think the guidelines should be, first and foremost, a study of marriage relationships. They should think: Will this person help me in my deen [Islamic code of life]? Will this person be an aid for me in attaining paradise? Will this person be a good mother or father for my children? Will this be someone who will be faithfully committed to me in my old age, when I need someone to assist me and to strengthen me? These are the questions people should be asking, going into a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: What would you advice to those looking for spouses?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0I would advise, first and foremost, to not be fanatically committed to superficial things such as looks or income or profession that is if a person is close to standards of acceptability then to move in to look at their character and look at their religion\u2026Character is what\u2019s going to sustain the relationship, not good looks. Good looks fade. Big muscles become puffy and soft. Slim waistlines tend to bulge and expand as the years go by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> What would you suggest to those who are married but feel they\u2019re falling out of love?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s very important for them to do some of the things they were doing when they fell in love. Like when you ask people what did you do when you fell in love, they\u2019ll say, we took walks together, ate out, went to the park every Saturday, and just sat and watched the children play. And invariably you\u2019ll find that they gradually stopped doing those things. So the things that led to them being in love in the first place were stopped. How does one expect to sustain a deep emotional attachment when the things that led you to develop that attachment in the first place, have faded away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Source: https:\/\/seekersguidance.org\/articles\/general-artices\/understanding-marriage-a-conversation-with-imam-zaid-shakir-by-fahad-faruqui\/ Fahad Faruqui\u00a0had an in-depth discussion with a leading American-Muslim scholar Imam Zaid Shakir, a senior faculty member of Zaytuna College, about marriage, polygamy, temporary marriages, and divorce, in an attempt to tease out the true spirit of love, romance, and marriage in Islam. A brief SeekersHub course on being married won\u2019t cost you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2887,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1103,564,1120],"tags":[608,1152,1151,1147],"class_list":["post-2886","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyondchai","category-featured-posts","category-healthy-relationships","tag-marriage-advice","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2886","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2886"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2886\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2888,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2886\/revisions\/2888"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2886"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2886"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2886"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}