By: Cyndi Barber<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a counselor, I work with couples struggling in their relationship. Oftentimes, the reason they need a mediator is because disagreements have turned to defending their opinion instead of protecting the relationship. Living together and doing life as a unit is bound to create complications and differences of opinion. Solutions are abundant when couples work together for the sake of the unit. Here are five healthy ways to protect the relationship as you work through disagreements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you feel passionate about an issue it\u2019s easy to see the other person as the obstacle to getting what you want. If your focus is on winning the disagreement,\u00a0the connection in the relationship is no longer the priority. Disagreement can then turn into a competition of wills.<\/em>\u00a0 Fear of losing can lead to words that hurt. One day a couple came into my office. They were both convinced the other was the problem. Neither would budge an inch in considering that they were BOTH Identify guidelines you both agree with as a couple. They will act as\n a framework for making decisions. When a conflict arises, you can \nconsult these guidelines to determine which way to go. Some examples of \nguidelines might be: 1) We won\u2019t spend more than $___without consulting \nthe other person. 2) Major life choices have to be in the best interest \nof the children. 3) You have final say on yard choices and I have final \nsay on household choices. 4) We won\u2019t spend more than 10 hours a week on\n personal hobbies done without the rest of the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We are all wired to self-defend when feeling attacked. So, anytime \none person accuses the other person they will fight back, make excuses, \nshut down, or walk away. The person will be seen as the problem instead \nof the issue being the problem. A better way is to share how their \nactions are affecting you. For example, if the other person is not \ncleaning up after themselves, you could say, \u201cWhen the house is \ncluttered it feels chaotic to me. I need our home to be a place where I \ncan escape to and relax. Would you mind putting things away instead of \nleaving them out?<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s amazing how respectful we can remain when we are out in public. \nIt prevents us from getting heated and accusing. Being in a restaurant \nor sitting on a bench at the park will force you both to choose your \nwords more carefully. Being respectful in presenting issues is less \nlikely to make the other person defensive and helps them hear what you \nare trying to communicate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is a military term describing which piece of ground is worth the\n risk to human life. In marriage, there are some issues that just aren\u2019t\n worth the conflict. Sometimes you have to choose to let the other \nperson have it their way. When feeling like you are at an impasse, \ndecide whether or not this is really an issue worth fighting for. Does \nit really matter how the dishes are stacked in the dishwasher, how the \ntoothpaste is squeezed, or how often the socks go missing in the \nlaundry?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By: Cyndi Barber As a counselor, I work with couples struggling in their relationship. Oftentimes, the reason they need a mediator is because disagreements have turned to defending their opinion instead of protecting the relationship. Living together and doing life as a unit is bound to create complications and differences of opinion. Solutions are abundant […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2355,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[564,1120],"tags":[1122,1152,1151,1147],"class_list":["post-2354","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-posts","category-healthy-relationships","tag-healthy-relationship","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2354","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2354"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2354\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2360,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2354\/revisions\/2360"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2355"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2354"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2354"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}2. Create a set of decision guidelines.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
3. Don\u2019t accuse or blame the other person.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
4. Discuss difficult conflicts in a public place.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
5. Decide which hills to die on.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n