\nBy Matt Christensen\n\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What makes for a happy marriage? Well, it\u2019s safe to say that the happiest long-lasting couples probably don\u2019t have affairs or lie to one another about secret credit cards or fly off the handle and scream \u201cTHIS ISN\u2019T A DORM SHEILA!\u201d when the garbage hasn\u2019t been taken out. But when looking at long-term happy marriages, what traits appear again and again? Well there\u2019s no magic formula and each couple must go about it in their own way and blah blah blah \u2014<\/em> you know the spiel. But when we zoom out a bit, common traits appear. To help make you more aware of what makes unions last, here are eight defining characteristics of long lasting-marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sounds obvious. And, well, it is. But according to\u00a0Janet Zinn, a New York-based LCSW and couples therapist, the notion of commitment is one of the most solid foundational elements of a happy marriage. \u201cWhen there is a foundation of caring and love, then you can trust at all times that you will get through whatever difficulties you are facing,\u201d she says. \u201cCommitment means you can gently lay your head on your partner\u2019s shoulder because you know he or she is there for you when you\u2019re vulnerable or simply tired.\u00a0 It\u2019s a basic shared intimacy, and a necessary ingredient to a healthy marriage.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n We all have off days when a half-assed effort is just all we can muster. But, in a marriage, a shared expectation of excellence will benefit you both. \u201cIf you assume your partner is doing their best, it is less likely there will be blaming and disappointment,\u201d says Zinn. \u201cAnd there will be an active engagement to resolve issues as they arise since you know you both have each other\u2019s best interests in mind.\u201d Remember \u201cyour best\u201d doesn\u2019t mean perfection \u2013 it means you\u2019re giving the situation everything you can at that moment in time \u201cWe all communicate. Even when we\u2019re not speaking to each other, that is a form of communication,\u201d explains Zinn. \u201cRespectful communication means you speak of the issue at hand, rather than bringing up the past in the form of \u2018You ALWAYS\u2026\u2019 or \u2018You NEVER\u2026\u2019. Instead, you try to learn your partner\u2019s perspective. You try not to be defensive so you can hear your partner\u2019s point of view. You can speak of your experience without negating or dismissing your partner\u2019s experience.\u201d Zinn also offers some tips for respectful communication. \u201cRepeat what they say, so they get a sense that you understand their concerns,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd ask if there is a way to come to an agreement, even if you see things differently.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n According to a University of Kansas study, those couples who laugh together, stay together. Zinn explains why: \u201cLaughter lightens things up when there are hardships in your marriage. It brings pleasure to both of you at arbitrary times. And it creates a sense of joy \u2013 which is essential to a deeply satisfying relationship.\u201d Maybe you prefer fart noises to New Yorker<\/em> cartoons, but try to find a common source of laughter to keep things fun in the long run. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not as in \u201ccouples yoga\u201d flexible, but in the sense that they recognize an ever-changing world, and are ready to adapt accordingly. \u201cUnexpected events, expenses, and situations come up in relationships,\u201d says Zinn. \u201cIf we are too rigid, we resist facing the unexpected. A couple\u2019s ability to \u2018go with the flow\u2019 \u2013 especially when it\u2019s dramatically different from what they expected \u2013 gives them the opportunity to learn new skills and, more importantly, get to know each other in ways they might never have known before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Growth (as a couple or an individual) requires risk. And risk requires curiosity. Being curious together can result in tremendous learning experiences that will strengthen your relationship. \u201cIn difficult or challenging situations, you can both learn from what makes those situations hard for you,\u201d says Zinn. \u201cAnd you\u2019ll grow in the process. In this <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen a couple\u2019s values are aligned, moving forward becomes easier,\u201d says Zinn. \u201cThis is especially true with money issues, the number one subject of partner disputes.\u201d If your value sets match up, great! If not, the key is to come up with creative ways to support differing values, and avoid devaluing what your partner finds important. \u201cIf you want to save up for a home, for example,\u201d says Zinn, \u201cand she wants to travel the world and live in a small, temporary home, see if there is a way you can have two savings accounts. Or find opportunities to volunteer together, for various causes you might support.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe will make mistakes in the relationship,\u201d Zinn admits. \u201cWe screw up. We say dumb things. We get things wrong. But, if we are willing to learn from our mistakes as they relate to our partner\u2019s needs and desires, we will thrive \u2013 personally, and in the relationship. The willingness to admit mistakes, and apologize sincerely, is an important key in creating a deeper bond with our partner.\u201d So, swallow that pride and burp out an \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d the next time you make a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Matt Christensen What makes for a happy marriage? Well, it\u2019s safe to say that the happiest long-lasting couples probably don\u2019t have affairs or lie to one another about secret credit cards or fly off the handle and scream \u201cTHIS ISN\u2019T A DORM SHEILA!\u201d when the garbage hasn\u2019t been taken out. But when looking at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2314,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1103,1120,322],"tags":[608,1152,1147],"class_list":["post-2313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyondchai","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","tag-marriage-advice","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-single-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2313"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2313\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3177,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2313\/revisions\/3177"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}1. They stay committed.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2. They assume their partner is doing his or her best.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. They communicate respectfully<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. They laugh.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
5. They are flexible.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
6. They are curious.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
7. They share values.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
8. They are willing to learn and grow.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n