{"id":2293,"date":"2019-08-08T11:47:08","date_gmt":"2019-08-08T11:47:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/?p=2293"},"modified":"2019-08-08T11:47:10","modified_gmt":"2019-08-08T11:47:10","slug":"what-to-do-when-youre-ready-for-marriage-and-your-partner-isnt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/2019\/08\/08\/what-to-do-when-youre-ready-for-marriage-and-your-partner-isnt\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Do When You\u2019re Ready for Marriage and Your Partner Isn\u2019t"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Liz Higgins, LMFTA<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The word \u201cmarriage\u201d has a negative connotation for many people. One contributing factor to this is the high divorce rate among\u00a0baby boomers, impacting the way millennials view the institution of marriage as a whole. There\u2019s also the movement away from the more traditional practice of marrying for religious reasons, financial concerns with the cost of getting married, and simply not wanting to give up an independent, single lifestyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\u00a0a<\/a>verage age\u00a0for first marriages is now 27 for women and 29 for men, compared to 20 for women and 23 for men in 1960. Interestingly, more couples than ever are moving in together before (or in lieu of) getting married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, many couples now find themselves in a sea of uncertainty when it comes to tying the knot. Should we wait? If so, for how long? Should we even get married?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you find yourself sitting on the other side of the fence than your partner, know that you\u2019re not alone. Here are a few things to consider to help you navigate the situation when you\u2019re ready to tie the knot and your partner isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Define what marriage means to you<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The definition of marriage is changing in our world today. In earlier generations, couples married for logistical reasons such as property ownership or social status and hoped love was somewhere in the mix. Couples today are looking for their soul mate. They seek marriage for lifelong friendship, pleasure, and connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What does marriage mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? Do you know?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The key here is not to let your anxieties about what your partner may say deter you from having a conversation that could allow both of you to understand each other better.\u00a0Turning towards your partner in this conversation will help to strengthen your relationship as a couple whether you decide to get married or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Define why marriage is important to you<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Why is marriage important to you? You can focus on why your partner might not be ready, but I\u2019ve found it incredibly helpful to get clear first on my own dreams and goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to get married because you\u2019re afraid of being alone for the rest of your life<\/em>, you may want to reconsider if you are taking this big step for the right reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to get married because you\u2019re worried your partner isn\u2019t fully invested and marriage would prove their commitment to you<\/em>, you may want to reconsider your motives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The goal of marriage shouldn\u2019t be to change your partner, but rather to deepen your relationship by acknowledging your commitment. If you can articulate openly the reasons why marriage feels like the right next step to you, your partner will be much more likely to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask open-ended questions<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The conversation about marriage is one worth having, especially if you have different views. Don\u2019t let your assumptions get in the way of hindering a talk that could bring both of you closer, or give you critical information you need to know to determine the next steps together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m just not ready\u201d is a start, but seek to understand the real reasons behind your partner\u2019s hesitancy. Why are they not ready? Is it because of finances? Is it because their parent\u2019s marriage failed and there are some underlying hurts there? Is it because you haven\u2019t been together long enough?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 52 Questions for Marriage or Moving In Card Deck<\/a> can help you get the conversation started. If you can ask open-ended questions and put your defensiveness and criticism aside, your partner will feel safe in having a space to explore these questions openly and honestly with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t compromise your values<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t mean break up with your partner if they aren\u2019t ready to get married right now. There is a growing mentality in today\u2019s culture to leave if something isn\u2019t working, including a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Flexibility can go a long way in a partnership. Identify what you are willing to be flexible on, and what feels like a non-negotiable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my work with couples, I\u2019ve seen partners make compromises without betraying their values. For example, committing to wait six months to revisit the idea of marriage does not mean you are giving up your dream to be married.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Liz Higgins, LMFTA The word \u201cmarriage\u201d has a negative connotation for many people. One contributing factor to this is the high divorce rate among\u00a0baby boomers, impacting the way millennials view the institution of marriage as a whole. There\u2019s also the movement away from the more traditional practice of marrying for religious reasons, financial concerns […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2294,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1162],"class_list":["post-2293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-datingmuslims-muslimdatingsite-muslimwebsiteformarriage"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2293"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2296,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293\/revisions\/2296"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2294"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}