Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign, as\u00a0Allah\u00a0 \u201cAnd of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.\u201d [Qur\u2019an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquility in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah\u00a0 How are some Muslim couples finding this tranquility in their marriage while many others seem to be\u00a0having a miserable time? What are those couples whose eyes exude deep love and contentment doing\u00a0right in their relationships?<\/em><\/p>\n Here\u00a0are the top 10 habits of Muslim couples who\u2019ve found tranquility and happiness in their marriage:<\/strong><\/p>\n What does it mean to love each other for Allah\u2019s sake? It means you make the love and obedience of Allah\u00a0 Hold it right there. I know what you just thought: \u201cbut my wife\/husband doesn\u2019t remind me of Allah at all<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n A lot of people who marry each other even for primarily religious reasons end up disappointed after marriage when they suddenly find their spouse not praying all the sunnah prayers (like they thought they would) or reading the Qur\u2019an everyday or the morning and evening adhkar or fasting Mondays and Thursdays or being excited about attending halaqahs or praying tahajjud or doing something for the Ummah \u2013\u00a0like they thought they would<\/em>. Our own restrictions of spirituality to acts of physical or outward worship blind us from seeing how much our spouses contribute to improving our character, which is an unsurpassed form of spiritual growth, because the Prophet\u00a0 \u201cNothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.\u201d [Tirmidhi]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Your spouse has loved you for Allah\u2019s sake every time they have:<\/em><\/p>\n In all of the above and so many other times that go unnoticed, committed Muslim spouses consistently help each other get closer to Allah\u00a0 Truly happy Muslim couples engage in winning Allah\u2019s pleasure together whenever and in any way they can: they glorify Allah\u00a0 If there is one fundamental need that exists in every single human relationship, it is the need to feel relevant and appreciated.<\/strong>\u00a0And there is no other relationship where this need is as grossly overlooked and abused, as in marriage. Why does this happen? Is it because humans tend to take things for granted, especially when they\u2019re done by those closest to them?<\/p>\n When you\u2019re newly married, every single thing your spouse does for you feels so special. As time goes by, your husband going out to work hard and earn for the family becomes normal; and a few years later it becomes \u201chis duty anyway\u201d. Similarly, every meal your new bride cooks is delightful, then somehow the salt always seems to keep getting lesser, till eventually she\u2019s \u201cnot doing anyone a favor by just doing her job\u201d.<\/p>\n Sounds familiar? Oh yes, ungrateful Muslim spouse speaking right there!<\/p>\n Happy Muslim couples live and breathe this\u00a0hadith\u00a0in their marriage:<\/p>\n \u201cHe who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah.\u201d [Abu Dawud]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n What is not there to thank your spouse for? Here are 5 reasons to thank your spouse right now<\/em>:<\/p>\n Allah\u00a0 \u201c\u2026 If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.\u201d [Qur\u2019an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Our spouses are an immense favor and blessing of Allah\u00a0 The verse doesn\u2019t end there though. The last half of the verse should send a chill down every married person\u2019s spine: \u201c\u2026if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n How many times have our egos stopped us from acknowledging and appreciating our spouses? How many times have we denied all the good they\u2019ve done for us through a single word or sentence in the middle of a senseless argument? Every conflict left unresolved, every hurtful word exchanged and every baseless complaint is a refusal to value one of Allah\u2019s best gifts to us: a spouse. It is a denial of a favor Allah\u00a0 Allah\u00a0 \u201cAnd as for your Lord\u2019s favor, then discourse about it! (i.e., proclaim it).\u201d [Qur\u2019an: Chapter 93, Verse 11]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n So if you aren\u2019t doing so already, stop holding back and proclaim to your spouse how grateful you are for them!<\/p>\n You and your spouse can start becoming grateful for each other right now by:<\/em><\/p>\n What a Whatsapp conversation looks like a few years into a typical marriage:<\/p>\n \u201cNeed bread.\u201d<\/em> I mean, c\u2019mon: \u201cK\u201d?? Not even an \u201co\u201d to make that miserable \u201ck\u201d look a little less miserable?!<\/p>\n What happens to married people\u2019s manners, interest, enthusiasm and most importantly good assumptions when talking to their spouses? Is it okay to talk this way because you\u2019re just so used to someone? Why do we not talk this way to people we\u2019ve been friends with for years? What makes a spouse less-deserving of respect, enthusiasm and affection when no one deserves it more than them (except our parents) for choosing to live every single day with us?\u00a0Why do we not talk to our spouses like we talk to our best friends, even though they are much closer to us than anyone will ever be?<\/em><\/p>\n Happy Muslim couples talk like best friends, in good times and in conflict.<\/strong>\u00a0In good times, they wait to tell each other about their day, they joke, laugh, share ideas, flirt, compliment each other, respect their spouse\u2019s right to hold different opinions and learn from each other\u2019s opposing points of view.\u00a0In fact, happy Muslim couples communicate just like the Prophet\u00a0 Aisha\u00a0 Allah\u2019s Messenger\u00a0 Couples that have learnt to communicate effectively do away with the majority of marital stress because they become so attuned to each other\u2019s feelings that they can immediately sense the emotional state of their spouse through the slightest change in words or tone. And\u00a0as our beloved Aisha\u00a0 What I\u2019ve personally discovered through my own marriage and from those of all the people who\u2019ve discussed marital issues with me, is that\u00a0the primary reason for continuous marital stress and discord is almost always due to the neglect of a spouse\u2019s primary needs.<\/strong><\/p>\n A lot of books (by Muslim and non-Muslim authors alike) tend to classify primary marital needs based on gender or a spouse\u2019s role in the marriage. You must\u2019ve definitely read about men\u2019s primary needs being respect and physical satisfaction, and that women prioritize the need for love, verbal expression and emotional satisfaction. However true these classifications may seem in theory, they\u2019re far from practical reality, because the truth is: both men and women need love, respect, physical and emotional satisfaction, just in different degrees and ways of expression.<\/p>\n Men and women are equally human: Allah\u00a0 Every marriage is made up of two unique people of opposite genders. That\u2019s why, what works for one couple may not necessarily work in your marriage, because you and your spouse are different people altogether with different preferences, priorities and circumstances. For this reason, generally accepted theories that may apply to many marriages may not apply to many others because\u00a0different people are different<\/strong>. And happy Muslim couples have this figured out. It is extremely crucial for the health of your marriage that you sit down with your spouse and figure out what is important to\u00a0them<\/em>, and how\u00a0they\u2019ve always expected you to fulfill those needs<\/em>\u00a0for them.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how to figure out and focus on fulfilling your spouse\u2019s primary needs:<\/em><\/p>\n Happy Muslim couples strive to be the comfort of each other\u2019s eyes. They seek to be the answer to the dua that Allah\u00a0 \u201cAnd those who say,\u00a0\u201cOur Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.\u201d\u201d [Qur\u2019an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n What does it take to become a beautiful sight to look at?<\/em><\/p>\n Smile at your spouse<\/strong><\/p>\n When was the last time you beamed at your spouse or saw your spouse smiling lovingly at you? Okay, I shouldn\u2019t have asked that question because you\u2019d probably need to time travel back into the ancient past. Smile when you open the door to your tired husband, smile when you get to see your wife after a long day at work, smile at the mother\/father of your child for giving you such a beautiful gift; let your smile be the last thing your spouse sees before they close their eyes to sleep. Smile because there\u2019s no reason not to.<\/p>\n Look good for your spouse<\/strong><\/p>\n The noble companion Ibn Abbas\u00a0 \u201cI like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I like for her to take care of her appearance for me. This is because Allah\u00a0 You are the only man\/woman your spouse is allowed to look at from head to toe, so please don\u2019t be an eye sore!<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, make this your mantra. Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror at your unkempt hair, permanent pyjamas or neglected body. Looking good for your spouse is as important (and as easy) as everything else you do everyday like eating or sleeping.<\/p>\n It takes a maximum of 20\u00a0minutes to: shower, put on some attractive clothes and perfume, comb your hair and apply a dash of make-up (men: you don\u2019t have to do the last bit so you have even less of an excuse!). Make these 20 minutes a fixed part of your routine, ideally just before your spouse gets home or before you sit down to relax at home after work.<\/p>\n Looking good for each other has even more to do with maintaining your health and fitness. You need to do this for your own self before anyone else. Slot in an hour at least everyday to work on your physical and mental fitness: work out wherever and whenever it is convenient for you, but make sure you do and your spouse makes time for their fitness too. There\u2019s nothing more attractive to a spouse than having that healthy glow and fit physique!<\/p>\n Be their source of comfort and support<\/strong><\/p>\n Who do you think of turning to when you\u2019re depressed, afraid or going through a tough time? If your spouse was the first person that came to your mind, you have a wonderful marriage\u00a0Alhamdulillah. Because that\u2019s what Muslim spouses do: they are each other\u2019s refuge, just like the Prophet\u00a0 When the Prophet\u00a0 \u201cO Khadijah! What is wrong with me? I was afraid that something bad might happen to me.\u201d Then he told her the story. Khadijah\u00a0 Did you know your spouse was a separate person with a unique mind, heart, body and soul before they married you? And did you know that they still are that individual person, only with you by their side?<\/p>\n Marriages begin to go headlong into constant unhappiness when one or both spouses forget this fundamental fact:\u00a0marriage makes people partners, not parts of each other that must be controlled and bossed over<\/strong>. As unfortunate as the truth may be, your spouse has a lot more roles to play in life than just being your spouse; and whenever you restrict them from doing justice to all their roles, you\u2019re going to be the cause of their constant frustration, which will only spill into your own marital relationship.<\/p>\n Allah\u00a0 Happy Muslim couples are partners in growth and productivity:<\/strong>\u00a0They acknowledge that their spouse is a slave of Allah\u00a0 Sorry, there\u2019s just no excuse not to give at least half an hour (okay, 15 minutes when you\u2019re just too exhausted) of undivided attention and love to your spouse. Because the truth is, you\u2019re not married just to slog all day to get money home, or to produce kids and take care of them 24\/7. Before you know it, your bosses and jobs will change and you\u2019ll be retiring and replaced, and the kids would\u2019ve married and moved out. And the only person you will be left with is that spouse (read: stranger) you always put second to everything, who would\u2019ve become too used to being neglected over the past 30 years to be that warm companion you\u2019ll desperately be needing in your old age.<\/p>\n Your relationship needs exclusive attention every single day.<\/strong>\u00a0Just like you\u2019re saving everyday to build that comfortable house for the future. What\u2019s the fun if you\u2019re going to end up alone in that house, sleeping next to someone you don\u2019t even recognize anymore? Instead, imagine this: you\u2019re (finally!) going to be alone in that house with the person who\u2019s listened to your worries and stories every night, who you\u2019ve taken walks with everyday, who\u2019s been there to lean on when you\u2019ve been weak, who you\u2019ve celebrated all your achievements and successes with: someone who\u2019s been a friend indeed, every single day. Now is it really that hard to give half an hour of your time everyday to the person who deserves it most?<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what the growth curve of a Muslim couple that\u2019s learnt to manage marital conflict looks like:<\/p>\n If you ask every happily married couple that\u2019s successfully made it past the first five years, they\u2019ll tell you there\u2019s no bigger enemy to marital happiness than:\u00a0ego<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Ego is the defense mechanism of the lower self<\/strong>, and ego in marriage sounds like:<\/p>\n \u201cThis is who I am and you better get used to it\u201d And ego sounds very,\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0familiar.<\/p>\n This is because the lower self is a covert enemy lurking within each and every one of us.<\/strong>\u00a0Allah\u00a0 \u201c\u2026 Verily, the (human) self is inclined to evil, except when my Lord bestows His Mercy (upon whom He wills). Verily, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.\u201d\u00a0[Qur\u2019an: Chapter 12, Verse 53]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This doesn\u2019t mean we are all inherently bad, but that\u00a0we all have lower selves that are inclined to be oppressive, unruly and unjust; and it is only Allah\u2019s\u00a0 Why ego is the biggest threat to a marriage is because it is an enemy from within. Ego is like a deceptive double agent that distorts reality and makes us deny and justify the wrongs that our lower selves commit towards our spouses, convincing us that we are right; while we are oppressing our own selves and our spouses and actually walking a path of humiliating self-destruction.<\/p>\n The Prophet\u00a0 \u201cA believer is the mirror of his brother. When he sees a fault in it, he should correct it.\u201d [Al Adab Al Mufrad]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n There\u2019s no one who mirrors our souls to us more accurately than our spouse, because no other human being gets to see us as intimately and habitually as they do. As a natural consequence, spouses stand the highest chance of facing our ego: the defensive wrath of our lower selves.\u00a0But allowing your lower self to prevail in your marriage instead of seeing your marriage as a means to purify yourself is your own (disastrous) choice<\/strong>. Allah\u00a0 \u201cAnd [by] the soul (self) and He who proportioned it. And inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness. He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it [with corruption].\u201d\u00a0[Qur\u2019an: Chapter 91, Verse 7-10]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Our spouses actually personify the mercy of Allah\u00a0 The next time your spouse is desperately trying to get something about yourself across to you:<\/em><\/p>\n 1.\u00a0Just listen. Listen carefully and objectively<\/strong>, especially if they have been repeating it for a very long time. Try this 4-step exercise the next time you face conflict in your marriage. I promise you\u2019ll see marital conflict in a whole new light: your spouse will no longer be the enemy and you\u2019ll realize just what a big blessing they are for you!<\/p>\n The Prophet\u00a0 \u201cThe evil eye is real.\u201d [Ibn Majah]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I am always in awe of the power of this extremely concise hadith, because it delivers three vital messages about the evil eye in one 5-word sentence:<\/p>\n If you agree with point one, the second and third points just follow naturally. Muslim couples today are actually serving their marriages on exquisitely decorated social media platters for the evil eye to devour: not just the ceremony, but every single verbal and non-verbal marital exchange, meal, meeting, moment, mood and micro-second!<\/p>\n You cannot be friends with 500+ people on social media, half of whom may be trying hard to get married for a long time and keep shoving your marital happiness in their face.\u00a0Not only is it unnecessary, it is highly insensitive<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Happy Muslim couples do share their marital happiness, but sensibly. Before sharing anything about your marital life with the public, ask yourself:<\/p>\n Not putting your marriage in the way of the evil eye is the first way of protecting it from its harm.\u00a0Reading the morning and evening adhkar, the duas prescribed for protection against the evil eye as well as constantly thanking Allah\u00a0 Remember all that incomprehensible pre-wedding drama between your spouse\u2019s family and yours, or those regular ridiculous flare-ups that you realize made absolutely no sense after you and your spouse cooled down (e.g.: when \u201cwhy did you turn off the light when you know I was reading?\u201d ends in \u201cmarrying you was the biggest mistake of my life!\u201d \u2013 W.H.A.T?!): yes, all those absurd, bizarre arguments that sprang out of nothing and all the other senseless discord in your marriage are the best compliments of shaytan.<\/p>\n The Prophet\u00a0 \u201cIblis (shaytan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: \u2018You have done well and then embraces him.\u201d [Muslim]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Shaytan doesn\u2019t have any principles when he seeks to create marital discord: in fact, the rule is that he attacks from where you least expect it.<\/strong>\u00a0Like through your normally loving, religious and sensible parent\/sibling\/well-wisher who begins to magnify some irrelevant flaw in your spouse that was somehow never an issue before you tied the knot. Shaytan perpetuates his whispers through their tongues, and you unwittingly believe them because they are your loved ones. And thus begins insane marital strife.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how to protect your marriage from the shaytan:\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n You know those times when your spouse is just not being their normal self or getting ticked off by every little thing? Or when you do something special and they didn\u2019t even seem to notice? If you look a little deeper, you\u2019ll find there\u2019s definitely something that\u2019s bothering them (and it is\u00a0not you<\/em>). No matter how annoyingly they may be behaving, try to find out what\u2019s wrong; try to sense their stress. They\u2019ll most likely be having a problem at work, be down with an illness or close to that time of the month, or the kids would\u2019ve done a fantastic job at driving them mad all day.<\/p>\n Shaytan waits to use these moments of stress to spark an argument, because the spouse under stress doesn\u2019t have the energy to fight him when their mind is exhausted by other troubles. He waits for the calmer spouse to eventually get annoyed, pick up the bait and say \u201cwhat\u2019s gotten into you?\u201d and BAM!\u00a0If you focus on putting your finger on what\u2019s bothering your spouse and offering them support\u00a0instead of getting worked up yourself, you immediately kill one more chance for shaytan to get to your marriage.<\/strong>\u00a0Happy Muslim couples empathize with one another.<\/p>\n Once you\u2019ve figured out what\u2019s bothering your spouse, give them the space, comfort or help they need to de-stress. Ask them if they\u2019d like to take a nap, be alone for sometime, take\u00a0a break from the kids, get some\u00a0help with their work or spend some time with their friends or family, if it\u2019ll make them feel better. Agree with your spouse to do this whenever either of you is acting out till you learn to sense each other\u2019s\u00a0stress just through your\u00a0expressions, and your mutual\u00a0intuition develops into a beautiful, unspoken language of care and understanding.<\/p>\n There isn\u2019t a\u00a0single<\/em>\u00a0marriage where there isn\u2019t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.<\/p>\n Of all the ways to manage and minimize marital conflict, the\u00a0most\u00a0powerful way is\u00a0remembering that Allah\u00a0 The Prophet\u00a0 \u201cI guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right\u2026 \u201d [Abu Dawud]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n And when he\u00a0 \u201cO Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?\u2019 He said: \u2018May your mother not find you, O Mu\u2019adh! Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?’\u201d [Ibn Majah]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The truth is, hell begins on earth when the tongue isn\u2019t controlled during marital conflict. The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite. That\u2019s why Allah\u00a0 \u201cAnd tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.\u201d[Qur\u2019an: Chapter 17, Verse 53]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you disagree with your spouse over anything or are hurt by something they did or said,\u00a0bring Allah\u2019s presence to mind first\u00a0to help lower your anger and approach the issue calmly. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet\u00a0 \u201cAisha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.\u201d [Abu Dawud]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I remember giving a talk on love and relationships to an audience of young girls when I\u2019d been married for just about two years. In\u00a0my talk, I\u2019d mentioned the verse of the Qur\u2019an where Allah\u00a0 \u201cWomen impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity\u2026\u201d [Qur\u2019an: Chapter 24, Verse 26]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n In the Q&A session, a girl from the audience asked: \u201cbut what about all those couples we see where one spouse is so good and the other is the complete opposite?\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019d answered: \u201cThe verse is the general rule, but Allah\u00a0 Just then, someone in\u00a0the front row of the audience\u00a0put up her hand and requested to speak. She was one of the other guest speakers, a renowned author and a woman full of wisdom, and someone who was married for many more years than me. She said:<\/p>\n \u201cWhat a person looks like to us is not necessarily what they are behind closed doors. So before judging whether a person is right or wrong for someone, remember that Allah\u00a0 Three years from that talk and I still haven\u2019t come across a greater truth about marriage. Indeed, as Allah\u00a0 By Zaynab Chinoy What does it take to stay Muslim, married and extremely happy today?\u00a0As oxymoronic as that just sounded, believe it or not, it\u2019s\u00a0absolutely possible! Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign, as\u00a0Allah\u00a0\u00a0says in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2265,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1120,322,321],"tags":[1163,1153,1152,1151],"class_list":["post-2264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","category-for-singles","tag-datingmuslims","tag-dating-app-for-muslims","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2264"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2266,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2264\/revisions\/2266"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"sub\u1e25\u0101nahu](\"https:\/\/productivemuslim.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/islamic-graphics\/img\/black\/png\/swt.png\" "\\"sub\u1e25\u0101nahu")
\u00a0says in the Qur\u2019an:
\n<\/span><\/p>\n\u00a0is\u00a0asking<\/em>\u00a0us to give thought to.<\/p>\n1. They love each other for Allah\u2019s sake<\/h2>\n
\u00a0the basis and focus of your relationship with someone else. It means you love someone so much that you want your love for them to last beyond this lifetime and into the Hereafter, where you can live in eternal happiness with them having earned Allah\u2019s pleasure together. It means you love someone purely because of how much they remind you of Allah\u00a0\u00a0and help you get closer to Him.<\/p>\n![\"\u1e63allall\u0101hu](\"https:\/\/productivemuslim.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/islamic-graphics\/img\/black\/png\/saw.png\" "\\"\u1e63allall\u0101hu")
\u00a0says:<\/p>\n\n
. They stop each other from anything that may lower them in the sight of Allah\u00a0\u00a0and constantly help each other win Allah\u2019s love.<\/p>\n\u00a0together in the quiet hours of Fajr, they thank Allah\u00a0\u00a0in tahajjud together, they make it a point to read a minimum amount of Qur\u2019an everyday, they do regular or even random acts of kindness and charity and they maintain loving and happy ties with each other\u2019s families.<\/p>\n2. They are grateful for each other<\/h2>\n
\n
\u00a0says in the Qur\u2019an:<\/p>\n\u00a0upon us: they are an irreplaceable source of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical comfort. Happy Muslim couples keep getting happier because they simply implement the command of Allah\u00a0\u00a0in the above verse:\u00a0They are grateful everyday\u00a0for each other, so Allah\u00a0\u00a0increases the happiness they find in each other, just like He\u00a0\u00a0promised.<\/strong><\/p>\n\u00a0has blessed us with that many are longing for. And you don\u2019t have to wait for the Hereafter to bear the consequences of such denial. Days of depression, frustration, anger, spite, lack of\u00a0barakah\u00a0(blessing), and even illness and hardships make life living hell for those who refuse to be grateful in their marriages.<\/p>\n\u00a0also says in the Qur\u2019an:<\/p>\n\n
3. They communicate like best friends<\/h2>\n
\n\u201cK.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\u00a0and his wives did.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n![\"ra\u1e0dyAll\u0101hu](\"https:\/\/productivemuslim.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/islamic-graphics\/img\/black\/png\/ranha.png\" "\\"ra\u1e0dyAll\u0101hu")
\u00a0narrated that:<\/p>\n\u00a0said to her: \u201cI know when you are pleased with me or angry with me.\u201d I said, \u201cWhence do you know that?\u201d He said, \u201cWhen you are pleased with me, you say, \u2018No, by the Lord of Muhammad,\u2019 but when you are angry with me, then you say, \u2018No, by the Lord of Abraham.\u2019 \u201d Thereupon I said, \u201cYes (you are right), but by Allah, O Allah\u2019s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.\u201d [Bukhari]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\u00a0put it so beautifully \u2013 even in anger; happy, loving Muslim spouses never desert anything more than each other\u2019s name when they try to communicate that they feel wronged or hurt.\u00a0They never desert love and respect for each other in conflict: this, is the key to staying happy in your marriage.<\/strong><\/p>\n4. They never lose focus of each other\u2019s primary needs<\/h2>\n
\u00a0has created both genders with a sense of human dignity, with physical desires and with hearts that have feelings. When wives get snappy and say mean things to their spouses,\u00a0husbands<\/em>\u00a0do feel hurt and unloved<\/em>; and when husbands are rude and hurl insults at their spouses,\u00a0wives do feel humiliated and disrespected<\/em>. When a woman\u2019s physical desires are consistently dismissed or left half-fulfilled, she feels as frustrated as a man in such situations does; and when a man never hears any words of appreciation or admiration, he feels as underappreciated and unvalued as a woman in these situations does.<\/p>\n\n
\u00a0to help you make your spouse happy, and then actively think of and create easy ways to do what is important to your spouse.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n5. They are the comfort of each other\u2019s eyes<\/h2>\n
\u00a0has taught us to make:<\/p>\n![\"ra\u1e0dyAll\u0101hu](\"https:\/\/productivemuslim.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/islamic-graphics\/img\/black\/png\/ranhu.png\" "\\"ra\u1e0dyAll\u0101hu")
\u00a0is reported to have said:<\/p>\n\u00a0says: \u201cAnd they (women) have rights similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable.\u201d \u201d [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\u00a0and his wives were to each other.<\/p>\n\u00a0received the revelation for the first time, he began trembling with fear and ran to his wife Khadijah\u00a0\u00a0seeking comfort and reassurance saying:<\/p>\n\u00a0said, \u201cNay! But receive the good tidings! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you, for by Allah, you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, entertain your guests generously and assist those who are stricken with calamities.\u201d [Bukhari]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n6. They make each other bloom<\/h2>\n
\u00a0has created each of us to contribute in so many ways during our life on this earth and has blessed us with the potential to be all that He wants us to be.\u00a0Be that amazing person who motivates, encourages and helps your spouse discover and use their God-given potential and traits to bloom and be a source of joy and mercy to the world<\/strong>. Don\u2019t stop your spouse from being kind and loving to their parents, don\u2019t stop them from being helpful towards their colleagues and relatives, don\u2019t make them cut ties that you know they should keep, don\u2019t compel them to bottle up their talents when you know their skills can be used in a\u00a0halal\u00a0way to bring about a lot of good, don\u2019t control their every relationship and acquaintance with other people like an air-traffic controller, don\u2019t bark orders and rules and taunts at them at every opportunity: don\u2019t make your spouse wither into a dull, lifeless, thorny, poisonous weed; because that is not what Allah\u00a0\u00a0created them to be \u2013 that\u2019s what control freaks make out of the people they live with.<\/p>\n\u00a0alone and marriage does not change that. They acknowledge their spouse\u2019s other roles and responsibilities and encourage them to do justice to all of them. They recognize each other\u2019s unique traits and talents and catalyze their spouse\u2019s growth and worth as an individual.<\/p>\n7. They make time for each other \u2013\u00a0no matter what!<\/strong><\/h2>\n
8. They fight the real enemies: ego, evil eye and shaytan<\/h2>\n
Ego<\/h3>\n
\n
\n\u201cI wouldn\u2019t have said\/done that if you didn\u2019t say\/do what you did\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s all because of you\u201d
\n\u201cDoes it look like I care anyway?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\u00a0records Yusuf\u2019s\u00a0![\"'alayhi'l-sal\u0101m](\"https:\/\/productivemuslim.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/islamic-graphics\/img\/black\/png\/alayhis.png\" "\\"'alayhi'l-sal\u0101m")
\u00a0observation of the lower human self in the Qur\u2019an:<\/p>\n\u00a0mercy that can make us rise above our destructive, narcissistic lower selves.<\/em><\/p>\n\u00a0said:<\/p>\n\u00a0says in Surat Ash-Shams:<\/p>\n\u00a0when they mirror our flaws to us so we can rise above our lower selves. They make us discern our innermost weaknesses that we could not have seen for ourselves, and Allah\u00a0\u00a0has blessed us with them for our own spiritual purification and salvation.<\/p>\n
\n2.\u00a0Control the urge to defend yourself<\/strong>: look for the truth in your spouse\u2019s words first.
\n3.\u00a0Ask yourself: \u201cHas anyone pointed this out about me before?<\/strong>\u201d The answer could very likely be a yes, and if it is, then you\u2019re definitely looking at a flaw that Allah\u00a0\u00a0wants you to work on and get rid of.
\n4.\u00a0Realize how merciful Allah\u00a0\u00a0is being to you through your spouse.<\/strong>\u00a0Thank Allah\u00a0\u00a0and your spouse sincerely for caring so much about your success in the hereafter\u00a0and making you a better person.<\/p>\nEvil Eye<\/h3>\n
\u00a0said:<\/p>\n\n
\n
\u00a0for your marriage and your spouse fortifies this protection immensely.<\/p>\nShaytan<\/h3>\n
\u00a0said:<\/p>\n\n
\u00a0from the shaytan immediately.<\/li>\n9.\u00a0They sense each other\u2019s stress<\/h2>\n
10. They are conscious of Allah\u00a0
\u00a0in conflict<\/h2>\n\u00a0is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And\u00a0it is all being recorded for a Day when He\u00a0will be the Judge<\/em>. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage.<\/p>\n\u00a0said:<\/p>\n\u00a0was asked by Mu\u2019adh bin Jabal\u00a0:<\/p>\n\u00a0says in the Qur\u2019an:<\/p>\n\u00a0said to Aisha\u00a0:<\/p>\nMarriage in a nutshell<\/h2>\n
\u00a0says:<\/p>\n\u00a0may choose to test some of us through our spouses.\u201d<\/p>\n\u00a0chooses spouses\u00a0for us not to test us but to help us purify and improve our own selves.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\u00a0said, in this beautiful relationship are signs for those who give thought. Marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be\u00a0achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquility through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"