By Madeline A Fugere Ph.D.<\/p>\n
Consider the characteristics that are often considered desirable in a mate\u2014a\u00a0sense of humor,\u00a0intelligence, kindness, understanding, a family orientation, good looks.\u00a0Which would you rank as most important in a romantic partner? Which is least important to you? Research consistently shows that we rank most or all of these traits as more important than good looks (Apostolou, 2011; Apostolou, 2015; Buss et al., 2001; Perilloux et al., 2011).\u00a0However, consciously ranking traits as more or less important may not reflect the way we make our real-life dating and mating decisions.<\/p>\n
A few months ago I sat down with my\u00a0friend\u00a0Louise* while she scanned\u00a0online dating\u00a0profiles.\u00a0Louise told me that looks were not that important to her, but that a good sense of humor was a must. While Louise certainly values all of the characteristics I listed above, not once did we say, \u201cThis guy seems like he has a great sense of humor,\u201d or, \u201cThis man has very kind features.\u201d We only stopped to further investigate the profiles of men who seemed physically attractive.<\/p>\n
Physical\u00a0Attractiveness\u00a0is More Important Than We Think<\/strong><\/p>\n Physical attractiveness may serve as a gatekeeper directing us toward partners who are healthy, age appropriate, and able to reproduce (Weeden and Sabini, 2005).\u00a0And when we make real-life dating and mating decisions, research indicates, physical appearance dominates: We choose to pursue relationships with those who are attractive to us (see Luo and Zhang, 2009; Kurzban and Weeden, 2005; Thao et al., 2010).<\/p>\n Men (both gay and straight) seem to consciously recognize the importance of physical attractiveness more\u00a0than women (both straight and lesbian; see Lippa, 2007).\u00a0However, experimental research, as well as evidence from online dating and speed dating,\u00a0shows that physical attractiveness is equally important to\u00a0men and women. Further, attractiveness tends to be a more important factor in our dating decisions than traits like\u00a0personality,\u00a0education, and intelligence (Eastwick et al., 2011; Eastwick and Finkel, 2008; Luo and Zhang, 2009; Kurzban and Weeden, 2005; Sprecher, 1989; Thao et al., 2010).\u00a0Physical attractiveness may be so important to us because we associate other positive qualities with a pleasing appearance.\u00a0For example, attractive individuals are expected to be happier and to have more rewarding life experiences than unattractive individuals (Dion et al., 1972; Griffin and Langlois, 2006).\u00a0This tendency to associate attractiveness with positive qualities occurs crossculturally (Shaffer et al., 2000; Zebrowitz et al., 2012).<\/p>\n Physical Attractiveness is Less Important Than We Think<\/strong><\/p>\n One reason\u00a0we may not consciously realize the importance of physical attractiveness is that we don\u2019t necessarily want partners who are\u00a0extremely attractive\u2014we just want partners who are\u00a0attractive\u00a0enough<\/em>.\u00a0In Dion et al.\u2019s (1972) research, both attractive and moderately attractive individuals were viewed more positively than less attractive counterparts.\u00a0Similarly, in Griffin and Langlois\u2019 (2006) research, a lack of attractiveness was associated with negative qualities, but only a moderate level of attractiveness was necessary to make one’s associations positive. To interest us, then, potential mates do not need to be exceptionally attractive, only moderately so.<\/p>\n The distinction between\u00a0necessities<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0luxuries<\/em>\u00a0(Li et al., 2011) can help\u00a0us understand the importance of a moderate level of physical attractiveness. According to Li et al., \u201ca\u00a0necessity\u00a0is something that is initially extremely desirable\u2026but as more of it is acquired, it diminishes in value.\u00a0A\u00a0luxury, in contrast, is not important when necessities are lacking, but becomes more desirable once basic needs have been met\u201d (p. 292).<\/p>\n The research reviewed above suggests that most of us, consciously or not, view a moderate level of physical attractiveness as a \u201cnecessity,\u201d while a higher level of may be a \u201cluxury.\u201d\u00a0When we say that physical attractiveness is not important to us, we are likely referring to the luxury of\u00a0exceptional\u00a0<\/em>attractiveness and not the necessity of a minimum level of attractiveness.<\/p>\n But how attractive is “moderately” attractive? We don\u2019t need to be supermodels to find a mate, but whom we consider to be\u00a0\u201cmoderately attractive\u201d varies\u00a0from person to person.\u00a0More attractive people tend to perceive\u00a0fewer others as physically attractive while less attractive individuals may consider a broader range of others appealing (Montoya, 2008). And looking for someone who shares a similar level of physical attractiveness to your own can enhance your long-term relationship success (Feingold, 1998; Fug\u00e8re et al., 2015; more on matching in physical attractiveness\u00a0in\u00a0this post\u00a0).<\/p>\n But no matter our personal level of attractiveness, or our partner’s, as we get to know, like, and respect each other more, our\u00a0attraction\u00a0naturally grows and deepens (Kniffin and Wilson, 2004). The longer we know each other, the less important physical attractiveness becomes to beginning and maintaining a long-term relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Madeline A Fugere Ph.D. Consider the characteristics that are often considered desirable in a mate\u2014a\u00a0sense of humor,\u00a0intelligence, kindness, understanding, a family orientation, good looks.\u00a0Which would you rank as most important in a romantic partner? Which is least important to you? 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