{"id":2242,"date":"2019-05-17T14:41:33","date_gmt":"2019-05-17T14:41:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/?p=2242"},"modified":"2019-05-17T14:41:33","modified_gmt":"2019-05-17T14:41:33","slug":"building-attraction-which-matters-more-looks-or-personality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/2019\/05\/17\/building-attraction-which-matters-more-looks-or-personality\/","title":{"rendered":"Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?<\/h1>\n

By\u00a0 DR. Nerdlove<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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There\u2019s a lot of debate about building attraction when it comes to dating. One of the perennial debates is whether looks make a bigger difference than, say, one\u2019s personality. It\u2019s the Star Wars vs. Star Trek debates as both sides try to convince the rest of the world that the other are shallow homonculi or people deluding themselves about their chances.<\/p>\n

Except, as it turns out, there\u2019s actually an answer. One backed by science, in fact.<\/p>\n

Now, don\u2019t get me wrong. It\u2019s a\u00a0generally accepted truth\u00a0that people who are conventionally physically attractive have an advantage when it comes to dating.<\/p>\n

Not only do visual signs of health \u2013 clear skin, facial symmetry, etc. \u2013 stir certain instincts in us all but attractive people also benefit from\u00a0the halo effect. Because they\u2019re good looking, they\u2019re\u00a0also\u00a0<\/em>seen as being more trustworthy, kinder and smarter \u2013 all very attractive traits to have. And by virtue of being more attractive, they tend to have more attractive girlfriends and wives \u2013 after all, people tend to date other people at their \u201clevel\u201d of attractiveness, no?<\/p>\n

One would assume that the plain, even homely, people out there are for all intents and purposes, shit out of luck.\u00a0If you\u2019re not blessed with Tyson Beckford\u2019s smile, Ryan Gosling\u2019s dreamy eyes and Brad Pitt\u2019s abs, you may as well just hope to find someone who\u2019s willing to put up with you in order to avoid a life of desperate loneliness, right?<\/p>\n

Well\u2026 not so much as it turns out.<\/p>\n

In fact, the attractiveness of physical looks changes rather\u00a0drastically<\/i>\u00a0over time. While being stunningly good looking helps with\u00a0initial<\/em>\u00a0impressions, its value levels off very quickly and becomes much less important over the long term while\u00a0other<\/em>\u00a0factors\u00a0increase<\/em>\u00a0dramatically. While good looks certainly\u00a0help<\/em>, science has found that desirability and building attraction is\u00a0about\u00a0more<\/em>\u00a0than appearance.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re not the best looking man around, let\u2019s talk a little about\u00a0how one goes about building attraction over time.<\/p>\n

Good Looks Vs. Personality<\/h3>\n

In evo-psych circles, a lot is made out of one\u2019s \u201cmating value\u201d : that is, the aspects of attraction which are intrinsically based on certain favorable traits. Some, like financial success or social status, help ensure that any child will be raised successfully to adulthood. Others, like physical attractiveness and athleticism, are inheritable traits that help assure the child\u2019s own reproductive success.<\/p>\n

Except science has shown that this isn\u2019t strictly true. In fact, UT Austin researchers Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt have found that it\u2019s\u00a0uniqueness<\/em>\u00a0that defines attractiveness over time rather than just looks or charisma. In their paper,\u00a0Relational Mate Value: Consensus and Uniqueness in Romantic Evaluations, Eastwick and Hunt found that over time, who we consider attractive\u00a0changes \u2013\u00a0<\/em>people we may have seen as \u201calright\u201d at first become\u00a0far<\/em>\u00a0more appealing to us while people who are hot as a four alarm fire at first actually find that their advantages decline in importance.<\/p>\n

In their paper, Eastwick and Hunt point out that in general, people tend to form a relatively\u00a0uniform consensus1<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0about somebody\u2019s appeal fairly quickly. For example: people would generally agree that Channing Tatum is a good-looking, charming guy for a potato. Jonah Hill is somewhat less so while Steve Buscemi is considerably less physically attractive.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
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\n

Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?<\/h1>\n<\/header>\n
\n

There\u2019s a lot of debate about building attraction when it comes to dating. One of the perennial debates is whether looks make a bigger difference than, say, one\u2019s personality. It\u2019s the Star Wars vs. Star Trek debates as both sides try to convince the rest of the world that the other are shallow homonculi or people deluding themselves about their chances.<\/p>\n

Except, as it turns out, there\u2019s actually an answer. One backed by science, in fact.<\/p>\n

Now, don\u2019t get me wrong. It\u2019s a\u00a0generally accepted truth\u00a0that people who are conventionally physically attractive have an advantage when it comes to dating.<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, it\u2019s a major inconvenience. You have no idea how troublesome it is having to handle women throwing themselves at me all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Not only do visual signs of health \u2013 clear skin, facial symmetry, etc. \u2013 stir certain instincts in us all but attractive people also benefit from\u00a0the halo effect. Because they\u2019re good looking, they\u2019re\u00a0also\u00a0<\/em>seen as being more trustworthy, kinder and smarter \u2013 all very attractive traits to have. And by virtue of being more attractive, they tend to have more attractive girlfriends and wives \u2013 after all, people tend to date other people at their \u201clevel\u201d of attractiveness, no?<\/p>\n

One would assume that the plain, even homely, people out there are for all intents and purposes, shit out of luck.\u00a0If you\u2019re not blessed with Tyson Beckford\u2019s smile, Ryan Gosling\u2019s dreamy eyes and Brad Pitt\u2019s abs, you may as well just hope to find someone who\u2019s willing to put up with you in order to avoid a life of desperate loneliness, right?<\/p>\n

Well\u2026 not so much as it turns out.<\/p>\n

In fact, the attractiveness of physical looks changes rather\u00a0drastically<\/i>\u00a0over time. While being stunningly good looking helps with\u00a0initial<\/em>\u00a0impressions, its value levels off very quickly and becomes much less important over the long term while\u00a0other<\/em>\u00a0factors\u00a0increase<\/em>\u00a0dramatically. While good looks certainly\u00a0help<\/em>, science has found that desirability and building attraction is\u00a0about\u00a0more<\/em>\u00a0than appearance.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re not the best looking man around, let\u2019s talk a little about\u00a0how one goes about building attraction over time.<\/p>\n

Good Looks Vs. Personality<\/h3>\n

In evo-psych circles, a lot is made out of one\u2019s \u201cmating value\u201d : that is, the aspects of attraction which are intrinsically based on certain favorable traits. Some, like financial success or social status, help ensure that any child will be raised successfully to adulthood. Others, like physical attractiveness and athleticism, are inheritable traits that help assure the child\u2019s own reproductive success.<\/p>\n

Except science has shown that this isn\u2019t strictly true. In fact, UT Austin researchers Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt have found that it\u2019s\u00a0uniqueness<\/em>\u00a0that defines attractiveness over time rather than just looks or charisma. In their paper,\u00a0Relational Mate Value: Consensus and Uniqueness in Romantic Evaluations, Eastwick and Hunt found that over time, who we consider attractive\u00a0changes \u2013\u00a0<\/em>people we may have seen as \u201calright\u201d at first become\u00a0far<\/em>\u00a0more appealing to us while people who are hot as a four alarm fire at first actually find that their advantages decline in importance.<\/p>\n

Based on these initial impressions, you would think that Tatum would be hands down the winner in any romantic contest, while Hill and Buscemi would be left to fight for the scraps of affection from any woman willing to have them like a pair of lonely methed-up gibbons with knives strapped to their arms. Except that\u2019s not how relationships are formed. In fact, very\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0few people (between 6% \u2013 11%) \u00a0fall in love at first sight or form a romantic relationship with someone they\u2019ve recently met.\u00a0In fact, a large proportion\u00a0people in relationships or ongoing\u00a0friends-with-benefits arrangements\u00a0tend to have known each other for quite some time, from months to years.<\/p>\n

Plus \u2013 as many people will no doubt rush to point out in the comments \u2013 they would\u00a0much<\/em>\u00a0rather be with the scintillating (if less classically handsome) Jonah Hill or the talented Steve Buscemi than Mr. Tatum, no matter how good he looks shirtless and buttered\u00a0up like an ear of corn\u2026 which is precisely where that \u201cuniqueness\u201d factor comes in. Someone \u2013 many people, really \u2013 may think that Channing Tatum is good looking but dull as a brick, while Jonah Hill can consistently make her laugh and feel good about herself. Other people may find Hill\u2019s humor grating and prefer Steve Buscemi\u2019s understated talent and presence.<\/p>\n

So when you put the \u201ctraditionally attractive\u201d traits in competition with \u201cuniqueness\u201d, which wins out?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality? By\u00a0 DR. Nerdlove There\u2019s a lot of debate about building attraction when it comes to dating. One of the perennial debates is whether looks make a bigger difference than, say, one\u2019s personality. It\u2019s the Star Wars vs. Star Trek debates as both sides try to convince the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2280,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1120,322,321],"tags":[1150,1149,1155,1151],"class_list":["post-2242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","category-for-singles","tag-dating-apps-for-muslims","tag-dating-muslims","tag-muslim-websites-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2242","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2242"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2242\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2281,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2242\/revisions\/2281"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2280"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2242"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2242"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2242"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}

In their paper, Eastwick and Hunt point out that in general, people tend to form a relatively\u00a0uniform consensus1<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0about somebody\u2019s appeal fairly quickly. For example: people would generally agree that Channing Tatum is a good-looking, charming guy for a potato. Jonah Hill is somewhat less so while Steve Buscemi is considerably less physically attractive.<\/p>\n