By Sara Davenport<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know about you, but\u00a0doesn\u2019t it seem like getting clear about what we want should be the easy part?\u00a0<\/span>We should just know what we want, right?\u00a0<\/span><\/span>But let me tell you, I\u2019ve found over the years that it isn\u2019t that easy.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n So, then what?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Well, I\u2019ve come to realize a few important steps to figure out exactly what you want.\u00a0<\/span>Take a look and if something resonates with you, give it a try.\u00a0<\/span>If not, I encourage you to get curious and discover your own path to clarity.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m not a proponent of dwelling in the past, but<\/span>\u00a0it is important to take some time to review past relationships.\u00a0<\/strong>Carve out some quiet time one evening or over a weekend.\u00a0<\/span>Light some candles, grab a notebook and a pen, and start writing.\u00a0<\/span>Go back over your past relationships\u2014long\/short, good\/bad\/ugly\u2014and in a loving way, think about the things in those past partners that really lit you up, the things you loved about them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Start painting a picture of\u00a0what really worked\u00a0for you from the past.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n After looking through rose-colored glasses at the past,take a little time to get real with yourself about the struggles and frustrations you experienced.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>This is not meant to cause turmoil, but start noticing any patterns or possible pitfalls to avoid moving forward.\u00a0<\/span>I also encourage you to not just point the finger at your ex, but\u00a0start <\/strong>seeing what you could have done differently.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Do you have\u00a0some patterns\u00a0that follow you from relationship to relationship?\u00a0<\/span>Is there something from your past you\u00a0<\/span>might need to do further work on\u00a0alone\u00a0<\/em>before diving into the dating world again?\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I believe\u00a0it\u2019s really important to do the self work\u00a0in order to bring a whole-hearted individual into a relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Again, this isn\u2019t meant to make you feel bad or frustrated or triggered.\u00a0<\/span>Instead, see it as an opportunity to reflect\u00a0and see where you can grow and improve.\u00a0<\/span>One thing I\u2019ve learned for sure, I am not able to change anyone but myself, and by doing this work, I can see how I can improve as an individual and a partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This exercise is a little more light hearted.\u00a0<\/span>Instead of going inward,\u00a0go outward for a bit.\u00a0<\/strong>I personally like to think about the men in my life I respect.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m longing for them or wishing to start something with them romantically, it just lets me get clear on characteristics that are important to me.\u00a0<\/span>I wouldn\u2019t have these people in my life if I didn\u2019t care about them, so why wouldn\u2019t I\u00a0see what they bring to the friendship<\/strong>\u00a0and think about what I would like in a potential partner?<\/span><\/p>\n Life is busy and loud and fast paced.\u00a0<\/span>It\u2019s easy to get distracted and lose sight of what matters most.\u00a0<\/span>Meditation\u00a0has been a\u00a0huge<\/em>\u00a0part of my growth over the past several years.\u00a0<\/span>I heard about meditation, but it wasn\u2019t until I made friends with a meditation teacher that I really started to explore it.\u00a0<\/span>She suggested I start by taking five deep breaths at a time.\u00a0<\/span>Then, set an alarm for a minute.\u00a0<\/span>Then, three minutes.\u00a0<\/span>Then, five minutes.\u00a0<\/span>And so on.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Meditation isn\u2019t about sitting with an empty mind, it\u2019s about getting quiet and creating a space between thought and reaction.\u00a0<\/span>I didn\u2019t even have the capacity to understand the space between thought and reaction until I started meditating!\u00a0<\/span>Now,carving out time in my schedule to get quiet helps ground me and creates the space to help me examine my wants and needs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It might sound a little out-there to say meditation helps me clarify my wants and needs, but let me explain.\u00a0<\/span>When I get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I can lose sight of myself.\u00a0<\/span>I get caught up in being busy\u2014a\u00a0million things to do and never enough time to do them all.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n When I take the time to\u00a0slow down, breathe\u2014even meditate for just three minutes\u2014it helps me create space.\u00a0<\/span>Instead of grasping at the next thing or shuffling from meeting to meeting and crashing so hard at night I barely remember how I got home,\u00a0I can see life more objectively.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>That allows me the space to decide what I\u00a0actually<\/em>\u00a0want and need in life and my relationships, rather than react to everything that\u2019s being thrown at me throughout the course of the day.\u00a0<\/span>It helps me see more clearly and connect with myself.<\/span><\/p>\n I will leave you with this last point:\u00a0be gentle with yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n In the past, I have put so much pressure on myself to find the\u00a0perfect relationship.\u00a0<\/span>I\u00a0so<\/em>\u00a0wish I could tell the younger me that there is no such thing as a \u201cperfect\u201d relationship\u2026 that\u00a0the most important relationship is the one with myself.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Learning to take care of myself, to heal any pains from the past and to learn to fully love myself 100 percent as is\u2014that is key.\u00a0In that way,<\/span>\u00a0you have the opportunity to bring someone special into the dating world.\u00a0<\/span>Even then, each relationship is going to teach us and bring up new challenges to overcome.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n For me, getting clear on what I want in a relationship while learning to be gentle with and love myself is an ever-evolving process that gets easier with practice and time.\u00a0<\/span>Like I said, just try to be curious in the process.\u00a0<\/span>Try things on, see if anything feels good and fits, and take it from there!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Sara Davenport I don\u2019t know about you, but\u00a0doesn\u2019t it seem like getting clear about what we want should be the easy part?\u00a0We should just know what we want, right?\u00a0But let me tell you, I\u2019ve found over the years that it isn\u2019t that easy.\u00a0 So, then what?\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ve come to realize a few important […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2286,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1120,322,321],"tags":[1150,1149,1152,1151],"class_list":["post-2238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","category-for-singles","tag-dating-apps-for-muslims","tag-dating-muslims","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2238","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2238"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2238\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2287,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2238\/revisions\/2287"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2286"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Look Back to See How to Move Forward<\/span><\/h4>\n
Take Some Time to Look Around You<\/span><\/h4>\n
Get Quiet &\u00a0Go Within<\/span><\/h4>\n
Be Gentle with Yourself<\/span><\/h4>\n