{"id":2064,"date":"2018-11-08T14:08:17","date_gmt":"2018-11-08T14:08:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/?p=2064"},"modified":"2018-11-08T14:08:17","modified_gmt":"2018-11-08T14:08:17","slug":"how-do-you-know-if-youre-ready-for-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/2018\/11\/08\/how-do-you-know-if-youre-ready-for-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Know If You\u2019re Ready For Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"
Step 1: Ask yourself these 13 questions.<\/div>\n
By\u00a0 Zach Brittle<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Q:\u00a0How do you know you\u2019re ready for marriage? \u2014A.G.<\/b><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0There\u2019s no one way to know, but if you\u2019re considering whether or not to marry, you can set yourself up for success by having more clarity about your vision for your relationship, your confidence in your friendship, and creativity around your conflict.<\/p>\n

Your vision for your marriage<\/b><\/h3>\n

It wasn\u2019t that long ago that marriage was about survival. These days, marriage is much more about choice. You need to know why you\u2019re making that choice. And what you hope that choice will accomplish for you. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

-Why do you want to be married?<\/p>\n

-What will marriage do for you that being single won\u2019t?<\/p>\n

-What do you believe about the purpose of marriage?<\/p>\n

-What will change about your relationship after the wedding?<\/p>\n

Indeed these are all versions of the same question, but the answers are critical. Marriage is both a civil union that gives you access to your partner\u2019s hospital room after a tragedy and a sacrament that unites people under a common religious or cultural banner.<\/p>\n

Most pain in a marriage surfaces from the gap between expectation and experience. You and your partner should both be able to articulate your (initial) expectation for the marriage and your confidence in your ability to provide the kind of experience that make it (initially) successful.<\/p>\n

The strength of your friendship<\/h3>\n

Dr. Gottman\u2019s research suggests that the foundation of a healthy marriage is a strong friendship. This includes a deep familiarity with one another\u2019s interests, goals, and dreams. It includes the proactive sharing of fondness and admiration for one another\u2019s body and mind. It includes a regular habit of paying attention to and turning toward one another\u2019s bids. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

-Is your partner interested in your goals and dreams?<\/p>\n

-Is your partner fond of your character and choices?<\/p>\n

-Do you matter to your partner?<\/p>\n

-Does your partner have your back?<\/p>\n

You\u2019re probably assuming that \u201cYES!\u201d is the answer to each of these questions if you\u2019re close to marriage. My follow up question would be, \u201cHow do you know?\u201d In order for your partner to support your goals and dreams, they need to know what they are. In order for them to appreciate your character, they need to see it tested. In order to know that your partner has your back, you need to experience adversity together.<\/p>\n

A great way to test all of these questions is to spend a major holiday with your partner\u2019s family. You\u2019ll discover quite a bit about what they think and feel deep down. You\u2019ll learn a lot about how they operate under stress. You\u2019ll probably have a few opportunities to have one another\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

The way you handle conflict<\/h3>\n

Conflict is inevitable. I\u2019d argue it\u2019s even essential. If you\u2019ve not weathered at least one major conflict together, you are NOT ready for marriage. You do not want to have your first major conflict to come after the license is signed. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

-What do you know about conflict?<\/p>\n

-When you do argue, how does it start?<\/p>\n

-How does it end?<\/p>\n

-What is it about?<\/p>\n

-What is it\u00a0really<\/i>\u00a0about?<\/p>\n

You should at least have a theory of conflict.\u00a0The Gottman Method<\/a>\u00a0includes a few surprising realities about how to handle conflict. Indeed, the ability to \u201cmanage\u201d conflict is one of the key qualities of healthy couples.<\/p>\n

The first is that the ability to accept influence actually increases your ability to exert influence in an argument. In other words, the ability to yield makes it easier to win. A second is that resolving an argument is less important than repairing the relationship. Dialogue is much more valuable than solution. Finally, the\u00a0number one thing<\/a>\u00a0that couples argue about is \u201cnothing.\u201d They usually argue about the argument which is the real cause of escalation. You need to learn to self soothe, and to soothe one another, in order to avoid useless conflict.<\/p>\n

So how do you know you\u2019re ready for marriage? There\u2019s no one foolproof way. But a thoughtful consideration of the questions above is a good first step.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Step 1: Ask yourself these 13 questions. By\u00a0 Zach Brittle Q:\u00a0How do you know you\u2019re ready for marriage? \u2014A.G. A:\u00a0There\u2019s no one way to know, but if you\u2019re considering whether or not to marry, you can set yourself up for success by having more clarity about your vision for your relationship, your confidence in your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2065,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[564,1120,321],"tags":[1153,1149,1152,1151],"class_list":["post-2064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-posts","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-singles","tag-dating-app-for-muslims","tag-dating-muslims","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2064","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2064"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2064\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2066,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2064\/revisions\/2066"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2065"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2064"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2064"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2064"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}