By Jo Piazza<\/p>\n
I may be standing on top of a mountain in New Zealand, 7,000 miles away from my husband, but I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve ever been happier or felt more in love. When I FaceTime him we laugh and giggle like newlyweds.<\/p>\n
My husband Nick and I are no strangers to a long-distance relationship; and through trial and error, we figured out how to make our long-distance relationship work. We met in the Galapagos when I lived in New York and he lived in California. We never even lived together until we got married. Even now, three years married with a one-year-old son, we\u2019re in different parts of the world for work about a third of the time. The time apart, the distance, makes our relationship better. I like having the time to miss him, to remember why I wanted to be with him in the first place.<\/p>\n
And I\u2019m not alone. I hear success stories about long-distance relationships on a regular basis. Some of the happiest couples I know are in long-distance relationship some or all of the time. Most experts even think it\u2019s really healthy for a relationship to begin when two people live in different places.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen people meet and are infatuated with each other, it is generally thought that the initial surge of emotion lasts longer when the couple is separated,\u201d says Dr. Phillip Lee and Dr. Diane Rudolph, the co-heads of Couples Therapy at Weill Cornell Medicine.<\/p>\n
\u201cEventually there is a risk of decreasing affection, and for those who are beyond the infatuation phase, there is a greater risk in separation, but also a greater potential benefit,\u201d says Lee.<\/p>\n
The statistics on long-distance relationships are encouraging. According to a 2013 study from the Journal of Communication, approximately three million Americans live apart from their spouse at some point during their marriage, and 75% of college students have been in a long distance relationship at one time or another. Research has even shown that long distance couples tend to have the same or more satisfaction in their relationships than couples who are geographically close, and higher levels of dedication to their relationships and less feelings of being trapped.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne of the greatest benefits is that you do a lot more talking and learning about each other, since you spend more time having conversations than you might if you were sitting side-by-side watching Netflix, or out running errands or doing activities together,\u201d says Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s also the benefit of cultivating your own friendships and interests, so that you\u2019re more interesting people and have more to bring to the relationship. You have more alone time than people who live in the same city do, so you\u2019re very excited to see each other and really value the time you do spend together,\u201d says Gottlieb.<\/p>\n
Of course, long-distance relationship problems exist, but if two people are committed to making it work the outlook isn\u2019t bleak. We talked to experts about how to overcome some of the hardships of loving from afar and for long-distance relationship tips.<\/p>\n
Technology Is Your Best Friend<\/strong><\/p>\n Gottlieb says that long-distance relationships are easier now than ever because we have so many ways to stay connected thanks to technology.<\/p>\n \u201cA lot of the glue of a relationship is in the day-to-day minutia, and with technology, you can share that in real time, instantaneously, with photos, texts and FaceTime. That\u2019s very different from letters or long-distance phone calls,\u201d says Gottlieb. \u201cAlso, because people in long-distance relationships rely more heavily on technology to stay connected, in some ways tech allows them to communicate verbally even more than couples who see each other [often], but sit in the same room not interacting at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Gottlieb also advises that it\u2019s important to share details with your partner instead of just generalizations. For example, don\u2019t just say, \u201cI went to this dinner and had a great time.\u201d Instead, really delve into the details. Talk about who was there, what you talked about, what you ate and how it made you feel. It will make the everyday come alive for your partner even though they weren\u2019t there to witness it.<\/p>\n Be Committed to the Relationship<\/strong><\/p>\n This applies to everyone involved in long-distance relationships, but is particularly true for people pursuing long-distance relationships in college. It\u2019s important to know that you\u2019re truly committed to a person before wasting precious time. \u201cIf you\u2019re in college, really truly think about if you love this person, and if they\u2019re worth foregoing being single in college,\u201d says Bela Gandhi, the founder of Smart Dating Academy. The importance of being single in college, according to Gandhi, is that you get to experiment and test the waters to determine what you really want and need in a relationship. \u201cI see so many people that just go through the motions of a long-distance [relationship] and fritter away their college years.\u201d<\/p>\n If you choose to stay in a long-distance relationship in college it\u2019s imperative that you have a plan for what happens next and that you both work towards that goal. That\u2019s another reason that Gandhi says going long distance in college can be hard. It\u2019s daunting to have to plan your future around another person when you hardly know what your own future holds.<\/p>\n After surviving four years apart try your best to end the distance after college. \u201cIdeally, you both end up working in the same city after graduation,\u201d says Gandhi. \u201cLong-distance relationships that are going to stand the test of time need a plan to end the distance at some point.\u201d<\/p>\n Set An End Date<\/strong><\/p>\n While long-distance love can be a great thing for a finite time, eventually you probably want to be in the same place as your partner. It helps both parties to know when that will happen. \u201cIt\u2019s hard being apart, so you both have to be equally committed to the relationship and be on the same page about how long this situation will last, and what the plan is for eventually living in the same place,\u201d says Gottlieb.<\/p>\n Do Stuff Together Even Though You\u2019re Apart<\/strong><\/p>\n Just because you aren\u2019t physically in the same place doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t have fun together. \u201cPlan a movie night together via Skype where you can watch the same movie even when you\u2019re in different places,\u201d suggests Gandhi.<\/p>\n Netflix, or other streaming services, makes it easier than ever to binge-watch shows with your partner. Gandhi also recommends doing online quizzes or games together, and discussing the results to spark new and interesting conversations.<\/p>\n Make Fun Plans<\/strong><\/p>\n Delight in the details of what the two of you will do the next time you see each other. \u201cPlan your next weekend together. Make it a ritual to talk about the fun things you\u2019ll do together. Maybe you can decide that every night you\u2019re together, you\u2019ll try new restaurants instead of going to the same places,\u201d says Gandhi. This will create something that both partners can look forward to.<\/p>\n Gandhi also suggests scheduling \u201cgood night video calls\u201d when you\u2019re both your PJs in order to create a sense of going to bed together.<\/p>\n Be Confident in Your Relationship<\/strong><\/p>\n According to both Lee and Rudolph, insecurity can lead to one partner checking in on the other one too often. This can result in excessive calls and texts being sent for the wrong reasons, and can lead to unnecessary tension.<\/p>\n \u201cThe constructive reason couples communicate is to provide their partners with a sense of their lives and what\u2019s important to them. When the communication is hijacked by insecurity, the anxious partner will not be reassured, and the other partner will be turned off by the constant checking [in],\u201d warn Lee and Rudolph. \u201cThe frequency of interaction in couples separated by distance needs to correlate to the same parameters of interaction when both are at home. It needs to be at a level agreeable to both parties.\u201d<\/p>\n Stick to a Schedule<\/strong><\/p>\n Timing matters, especially when your time together is precious. To keep long-distance relationships going you need to actually see one another, know when you\u2019re going to see each other and be able to trust that the other person will stick to that plan.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t want to go long periods of time without seeing each other,\u201d says Gottlieb.<\/p>\n Set Clear Rules and Boundaries<\/strong><\/p>\n Don\u2019t do anything you wouldn\u2019t want the other person to see on social media, advise Lee and Rudolph.<\/p>\n Gandhi adds that you should do you best to stay out of situations that might make your long-distance partner feel uncomfortable or threatened \u2014 within reason. You don\u2019t need to check in before or get approval for every social interaction with your partner, but you should set clear boundaries and rules that work for the both of you and adhere to them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Jo Piazza I may be standing on top of a mountain in New Zealand, 7,000 miles away from my husband, but I don\u2019t think we\u2019ve ever been happier or felt more in love. When I FaceTime him we laugh and giggle like newlyweds. My husband Nick and I are no strangers to a long-distance […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2043,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1120,322,321],"tags":[1153,1149,1152,1151],"class_list":["post-2042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-for-married","category-for-singles","tag-dating-app-for-muslims","tag-dating-muslims","tag-muslim-website-for-marriage","tag-online-dating-service-for-muslims"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2042","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2042"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2042\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2045,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2042\/revisions\/2045"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2043"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2042"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2042"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2042"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}