Few people have a keener eye for relationship red flags than divorce attorneys. They\u2019ve seen firsthand how quickly personality quirks can turn into major annoyances and the problems that can lead to calling it quits.<\/p>\n
That also makes them surprisingly good at giving dating advice. Below, family law attorneys from across the country share nine pointed questions to ask on a first date if you want to avoid getting into a relationship with someone you\u2019ll eventually divorce.<\/p>\n
1. \u201cWhen was the last time you talked to your siblings or parents?\u201d
\n\u201cI would find a way to ask your date about how close they are to their family. I see many divorces caused by one person being so close to their family that they prioritize them over the marriage and have poor boundaries: Once you are married, your marriage has to be protected and prioritized over the relationship you have with your family of origin. On the flip side, bad family relationships can be a sign of personality disorders and an inability to sustain relationships in a long term way.\u201d \u2015 Carla Schiff Donnelly, a divorce attorney in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania <\/p>\n
2. \u201cDo you believe in happily ever after?\u201d
\n\u201cAll relationships require work and commitment from both parties to make them work. Someone who thinks \u2018happily ever after\u2019 just happens is probably not going to be a great partner.\u201d \u2015 Katherine Eisold Miller, a divorce attorney in New Rochelle, New York<\/p>\n
3. \u201cAre you married?\u201d
\n\u201cSeriously, ask this. Separated or married means not yet divorced. Your date should be divorced.\u201d \u2015 Randall Kessler, a divorce attorney in Atlanta, Georgia <\/p>\n
4. \u201cWhat do you love most about your job?\u201d
\n\u201cAsk about their work: Do they have a sense of pride in what they do? Are they passionate about it? Or do they go from job to job? Conversely, are they married to their job and have little room for staying in bed on a cold Sunday morning, or traveling to exotic places, or even 20 minutes to the movie theater without constantly looking at their emails? That\u2019s a red flag.\u201d \u2015 Lisa Helfend Meyer, a divorce attorney in Los Angeles, California <\/p>\n
5. \u201cWhere did you go on your last vacation?\u201d
\n\u201cWhat you really want to know is \u2018How did you pay for your last vacation?\u2019 but that is a hard question to ask outright. But if your date went on an extravagant vacation, you could innocently probe further with a \u2018Wow, how did you pay for that?\u2019-type question. Finding out if your date made a large purchase by saving over time or putting the trip on a credit card can be very useful information. It can lead to information about how much debt your potential mate has and their general attitude toward debt and money in general. Money problems are one of the primary causes of marital problems. Understanding how your date views and handles money before you walk down the aisle is critical to long-term marital happiness.\u201d \u2015 Carolyn C. Van Tine, a divorce attorney in Boston, Massachusetts<\/p>\n
6. \u201cDo you know who Johnny Carson is?\u201d
\n\u201cBasically, find a way to ask your date how old they are. Many of our divorce clients swear they had no idea how young or old their spouse was until after they were engaged.\u201d \u2015 Randall Kessler<\/p>\n
7. \u201cDo you consider yourself a good communicator?\u201d
\n\u201cCommunication is so important. Oftentimes, the cause of the breakdown of the marriage is an inability to communicate. If people aren\u2019t telling each other what bothers them (and how to fix it), it can create resentment that grows over the years, causing the parties to drift apart until they are so far apart there is no chance they can get back together. Learning how your date communicates and figuring out if that method of communication works with your own is a great first step in establishing a solid foundation and avoiding divorce down the road.\u201d \u2015 Carolyn C. Van Tine<\/p>\n
8. \u201cHow did your last relationship end?\u201d
\n\u201cI would ask them how their last relationship ended. If their explanation is all about how it was the other person\u2019s fault, that would indicate a red flag. Look for someone who is willing to take some ownership of the relationship\u2019s failure. It shows their humility, honesty and ability for personal growth.\u201d \u2015 Carla Schiff Donnelly<\/p>\n
9. \u201cIf you could go back in time, what\u2019s the one thing you would change about your life?\u201d
\n\u201cThis is a fun conversation and it can reveal a lot: Ask each other what you\u2019d do differently if you could go back and do it all over again. \u2018I would live in a country far away from my mother\u2019 is a bad sign. \u2018I would have gone to college on the East Coast because I never had an opportunity to live there\u2019 is probably not a bad sign. \u2018I would have pursued acting or become a doctor\u2019 is probably not a bad sign, unless the person is very discontented with their work. \u2018I should have married my high school sweetheart, with whom I still stay in touch\u2019 is a very bad sign.\u201d \u2015 Lisa Helfend Meyer<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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