he was the one at the party hanging back from the crowd, but she wasn\u2019t doing nothing. From the look in her eyes, you could tell she was watching the scene and not missing a thing. When you talked to her, she didn\u2019t bore you with superficial chatter about her weekend \u2014 she actually had something meaningful to say.<\/p>\n
Or maybe he was the quiet guy in the cubicle next to you. You almost always had to start the conversation, but when you did, it was worth it. He was witty and smart \u2014 a little unconventional \u2014 and you knew right away there was something different about this one.<\/p>\n
However you met your introvert, one thing\u2019s for sure: His or her quiet charm drew you in, and now you\u2019re here to stay. Maybe you\u2019re an extrovert who relishes your introverted partner\u2019s depth and ability to listen, or maybe you\u2019re an introvert yourself who finds quiet companionship with your like-minded lover. Whether you\u2019ve been with your introvert for one week or one decade, here are 12 things you should know about being in a relationship with an introvert:<\/p>\n
1. We take things slowly. If extroverts are the hares, then introverts are the tortoises. Introverts tend to open up to new people more slowly than extroverts. We may be slower to make a move, like asking you out or getting physical. Also, we may be slower to reach relationship milestones, like saying \u201cI love you\u201d for the first time or proposing. That\u2019s because we like to think things through and carefully consider all aspects of a situation before we make a decision. We need time to process our experiences and reflect. Relationships are no exception.<\/p>\n
2. We may have trouble talking about ourselves. Seriously. If we\u2019re on a date with you, especially a first or second date, we may stutter and fumble for words when you ask us about ourselves. Introverts are like onions \u2014 our personality has many layers, and it takes a while to discover them all, especially the hidden layers closest to the core. We\u2019re private and we won\u2019t reveal the most personal parts of us until we fully trust you. Give us time.<\/p>\n
3. We flirt differently. Think subtle moves, not bold. A sly smile. A gaze that lingers. Listening intensely and asking thoughtful questions. Revealing our secret inner world to you. What we probably won\u2019t do: aggressively hit on you or make overtly sexual remarks.<\/p>\n
4. Introverts don\u2019t like being the center of attention. It\u2019s probably not a good idea to propose live on a Jumbotron during the big game or ask the servers to sing \u201cHappy Birthday\u201d to us in a crowded restaurant. You may look around only to find your introvert hiding under their seat!<\/p>\n
5. Want to truly connect with us? Talk about ideas. There will always be some level of small talk in a relationship: \u201cHow was your day?\u201d or \u201cHow are you?\u201d But introverts tire quickly of mundane chitchat. We truly feel connected to others when we can talk about big ideas or other meaningful topics. Try asking your introvert some deeper questions: What in your life are you most proud of? Do you have a dream or goal that you\u2019ve never shared or thought was possible? Have you ever read a book that changed you? Your introvert will likely light up at the chance to talk about something meaningful.<\/p>\n
6. We won\u2019t go to every single party, happy hour, or family get-together. If you\u2019re an extrovert who loves a party, this is something you\u2019ll have to accept and respect about us, because it\u2019s probably not something that will change. Of course, as a partner who cares about you, we will go to some social events \u2014 but we may want to leave early because we\u2019re \u201cpeopled\u201d out. Remember, large crowds, busy environments, and socializing drain us because we have a less active dopamine reward system than extroverts. Look for ways to compromise.<\/p>\n
7. We may be sensitive to conflict. In fact, many introverts struggle to meet conflict head-on, because arguing can be overstimulating and stressful. We may bottle up our feelings and revert to people-pleasing behaviors to avoid disagreements, or we may shut down when an argument does erupt. Tread gently. Some introverts find it helpful to write about their feelings or to step away from the conflict for a bit to process things. Don\u2019t take it personally if we need a brief time-out.<\/p>\n
8. We think. A lot. We practically live inside our heads \u2014 and we get lost in there sometimes! If we go quiet on you, don\u2019t assume that we\u2019re mad at you or feeling depressed. We may be just thinking.<\/p>\n
9. A busy schedule with no downtime will poison us. A weekend full of activities is what dopamine-loving extroverts crave, but for introverts, it can be too much. Our internal resources get depleted, and we feel the need to retreat alone to a quiet space to recharge. Sometimes we\u2019ll want to be completely alone, while other times, we may enjoy having you join us in quiet solidarity.<\/p>\n
10. Know that introversion and extroversion aren\u2019t all-or-nothing traits. In other words, most people don\u2019t fit perfectly into one category or the other. Just like extroverts can have their quiet moments, introverts can also enjoy socializing. It\u2019s really just a matter of dosage. So don\u2019t intentionally leave your introvert at home while you go to gatherings because you think they won\u2019t enjoy them. Likewise, don\u2019t be surprised if your introvert wants to go out or host a party. Introverts get lonely, too.<\/p>\n
11. We want quality time with you. This means time with you and you only \u2014 no friends, family members, or kids around for a while. We may be quiet in groups, but we can be masterful at connecting one-on-one. We\u2019ll use this time to try to reconnect with you authentically. \u201cWhen an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person\u2019s life, but to keep up with what\u2019s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings,\u201d writes Laurie Helgoe in Introvert Power.<\/p>\n
12. Although we may not be the best at expressing it, we love you deeply. \u201cIntroverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make,\u201d writes Adam S. McHugh in Introverts in the Church.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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