Each morning that I wake, I am grateful. Alhamdulillah.<\/p>\n
My faith is strong. My family is loving, supportive and encouraging. My job is comfortable, my friends remarkable, and my passion for helping others is unremitting. I travel the world, have a vast global business network, work with purpose and integrity, and have had meaningful experiences in engaging others in conversations on the Islamic faith, Arab culture, and being an Arab-American Muslim in a post-9\/11 society. I consider myself blessed, happy, and comfortable in the life I have built.<\/p>\n
Culture and tradition set many standards in small communities like mine. Being single at age 37 is like being 85 and never having been kissed\u2026or having a third eye. I am approached by many \u201cconcerned\u201d community members who ask, \u201cWhen are you going to settle down and be happy?\u201d or \u201cWe are proud of your achievements, though you will have to settle because most men cannot handle your success,\u201d and worse yet, \u201cWhy would you go to Hajj so many times\u2026this may deter someone who is interested in you.\u201d<\/p>\n
CULTURE AND TRADITION SET MANY STANDARDS IN SMALL COMMUNITIES LIKE MINE. BEING SINGLE AT AGE 37 IS LIKE BEING 85 AND NEVER HAVING BEEN KISSED\u2026OR HAVING A THIRD EYE.
\nOuf! Since when was your strength in faith or your visits to holy shrines a deterrent for getting married?<\/p>\n
I first made pilgrimage (Hajj) in 2013 with my mother and sister. It was an amazing experience, and I ached to return to the holy cities of Medina and Mecca. The ability to visit my beloved Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.), and pour my heart out to my Creator at the Holy Kaa\u2019ba was an experience that changed my life. I returned in 2015, and then once again this year.<\/p>\n
While in conversations with pilgrims in my group, I found that the topic of marriage was always coming up. Both women and men shared with me their concerns that I was not yet \u201cfulfilled\u201d without a spouse.<\/p>\n
Since when did my being a \u201ccomplete and whole\u201d being depend on my companionship with another person? I am whole. I am complete. Most importantly, I know my value and my worth. Why settle for less than what I deserve?<\/p>\n
I explained, countless times during my Hajj experiences (as this topic would always arise), that I am only interested in marrying someone who will contribute to my mental, emotional, and spiritual growth; a man adherent in faith, with a strong moral compass and family values, who is not intimidated by a confident and successful woman. When I\u2019d share this, I would receive a polite nod, and reassurance that everyone would pray for me as much as possible while in the holy cities. Gee, thanks\u2026?<\/p>\n
The side comments were never-ending.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou may have to settle for someone who is not as strong or successful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps you need to scale back on your activities and affiliations so you don\u2019t intimidate men.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you think of looking outside of our culture? You know how Arab men find it hard to accept a woman who may be of higher influence or importance.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are not getting younger. Don\u2019t you want to have children and raise a family?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTime is ticking.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need someone to take care of you. Do you want to die, alone?\u201d<\/p>\n
I AM WHOLE. I AM COMPLETE. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I KNOW MY VALUE AND MY WORTH. WHY SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE?
\nI am not looking to be with someone who would find my achievements or abilities intimidating. That type of person would be too weak for me.<\/p>\n
I am not concerned with my \u201cbiological clock,\u201d as I am content with the path Allah (swt) has set for me. If I am blessed to give birth to a child, then I welcome that blessing wholeheartedly. If not, I welcome that path as well, and will be grateful. Allah (swt) is the greatest of planners, right?<\/p>\n
These conversations made me think of my \u201cwholeness.\u201d My ability to be \u201cwhole and complete\u201d is not dependent on another person validating my existence. I was given the blessing of passion and purpose; to have the desire to help others, and serve my community with distinction and truthfulness.<\/p>\n
Too often, I witness young women seeking validation from others, needing to find their value and worth in another person\u2019s acceptance or acknowledgement. Each day, Allah (swt) validates my existence as I stand before Him in prayer, when I wake each morning to begin a new journey, and when I accomplish the goals I have set for myself. My validation comes from my desire to please Allah (swt), not others.<\/p>\n
MY ABILITY TO BE \u201cWHOLE AND COMPLETE\u201d IS NOT DEPENDENT ON ANOTHER PERSON VALIDATING MY EXISTENCE. MY VALIDATION COMES FROM MY DESIRE TO PLEASE ALLAH (SWT), NOT OTHERS.
\nMany have culturally defined marriage as something that \u201ccompletes\u201d you, while romantic films and foreign soap operas give us a false image of the reality of commitment, marriage, and family. Alhamdulillah I have parents that encouraged me to be a strong and confident woman, reminding me that validation should not be sought in others, and that I should focus on loving myself, strengthening my faith, and trusting in Allah (swt) and His plan.<\/p>\n
\u201cAmong His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility with them and He put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are signs for those who reflect.\u201d Quran Ar-Rum [30:21]<\/p>\n
I know these concerned brothers and sisters mean well and have good intentions, but if you wish to continue your prayers for me, please ask the Almighty to send me a man who will bring tranquility to my soul, walk with me on a righteous path, and help me to be a better Muslim and global citizen.<\/p>\n
Sincerely,<\/p>\n
37, Single, and Unapologetically Happy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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