So, you want to get married? Before you jump the gun, make sure you\u2019re as prepared as can be and know what you\u2019re about to get yourself into. The following are some questions for you and your soon-to-be to peruse as you get to know one another. Beyond the simple, \u201cWhat are your favorite movies?\u201d and \u201cWhat do you envision for the future?\u201d It\u2019s important to ask the tough questions, as well. With the exception of the faith-based questions, the following questions have been adapted from the book, The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed,\u201d by Laurie Seale (2005).<\/p>\n
Getting to know yourself<\/p>\n
Before getting to know your potential spouse, you need to get acquainted with a very important person first \u2013 yourself! Here are some questions to consider:<\/p>\n
Do you accept yourself? What don\u2019t you accept?
\nWhat skills do you possess that you wish you could be paid for?
\nWhen are you at your best, and what does your best look like?
\nWhen are you at your worst, and what does your worst look like?
\nWhat is your greatest passion\/joy?
\nWhat is something you secretly believe is indulgent and lavish, but you do it anyway because you enjoy it?
\nWhat do you do to relax?
\nHave you ever had late fees for: mortgage\/rent? Car payment? Bills\/credit card? Library books? Taxes? City tickets? Other?
\nWhich problems are you likely to confront head-on and which ones are you likely to procrastinate on?
\nWhat were three major turning points in your life?
\nWhat mistakes have you made in life?
\nWhat makes you lose your temper?
\nWhich four people have been the most influential in your development?<\/p>\n
6 Questions for the first meeting\/conversation<\/p>\n
Are you happy with your career? What would you change, if anything?
\nWho\u2019s the most important person in your life? Why?
\nWhat motivates you?
\nIf you could relive one event in your life, what would it be? And how would you redo it?
\nHow do you define love?
\nIf money did not matter, what would you do?<\/p>\n
20 Questions that reach the soul<\/p>\n
What is unforgivable before marriage? After marriage?
\nWhat makes you feel vulnerable and what makes you feel safe?
\nWhat couple gives you #couplegoals and why?
\nWhat is off limits, only to be discussed with your partner?
\nHow would you nurture and show love to your partner?
\nHow do you ask for what you need?
\nWho knows you best?
\nWhat are your greatest weaknesses and where do you think they come from?
\nHow do you express your feelings to your loved ones?
\nWhat kinds of things do you feel are inherently wrong? What wouldn\u2019t bother you? (Cheating on income tax, littering, not returning money you found, stealing office supplies, etc?)
\nHow would I know if you were lying? What would give you away?
\nIn what area of your life would you say you are most irresponsible? (Finances, health, returning phone calls\/emails, etc?)
\nDo you consider yourself sensitive to other people\u2019s feelings?
\nWhat are you most proud of in your life?
\nHave you tolerated or experienced any kind of emotional abuse or mistreatment in the past? Why did you put up with it? Would you tolerate it now?
\nDo you feel people are inherently good or bad?
\nWhen lots of things go wrong at once, how do you react?
\nWhat are some important lessons you\u2019ve learned about sadness in your life?
\nWhat is your life\u2019s motto?
\nWhat adventure do you most long to have?<\/p>\n
Money<\/p>\n
How is your financial health?
\nHow would you get yourself out of a financial predicament?
\nHow would you recover from financial ruin? What does financial ruin mean to you?
\nIf you received $25,000 what would you do with it?
\nWhen you marry, will you have two separate accounts, one joint account, or all three?
\nWhat outstanding debts do you have? How long until you fully pay them off?<\/p>\n
Family<\/p>\n
Are\/were your parents soul mates?
\nWhere does your family live? How often do you see them?
\nWho was your favorite relative growing up? Why?
\nDo you think your parents did a good job raising you? Why?
\nWhat have your parents criticized in the past? Does it still bother you?
\nAre you more like your mom or your dad?
\nDo you want to be a father? How big of a family do you want?
\nWhat is your biggest fear of parenthood?
\nHow much time can\/will you dedicate to parenting?
\nWhat is your emotional remedy for a sick\/sad\/angry child?
\nHave you ever defied your parents\u2019 wishes?
\nWhat would you do if you and your spouse were pregnant and an amniocentesis revealed birth defects?
\nWould you ever adopt a child? Of another race? With disabilities?<\/p>\n
Faith<\/p>\n
How often do you read the Quran? Pray? Fast?
\nWhat is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
\nAre you ok with polygamy? Under what circumstances is it acceptable or unacceptable to you?
\nDo you follow a zabihah-only diet?
\nHow important for you is it for women to wear hijab? What about men?
\nWould you ever take out a loan for anything (education, house, car, etc)?
\nDo you believe in sending your children to Islamic school? If not, what kind of organized Islamic education would you want to give them?
\nIf you have non-Muslim family members, what kind of relationship do you have with them?
\nHow do you like to celebrate religious holidays?
\nDo you celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, birthdays? Would you attend Easter or Christmas parties?
\nWhat role does the masjid play in your life?
\nAre you an active member of your Muslim Community?
\nWhat do you feel like you can improve on in your faith?
\nWhat is something you struggle with in your faith?
\nHave you ever been to umrah? Hajj? Do you plan on going in the future?
\nWhat expectations do you have for your future spouse?<\/p>\n
Deal Breakers<\/p>\n
Last, but not least, consider your deal breakers. Do any of these resonate?<\/p>\n
Lies
\nCheats
\nNeeds to dominate
\nFinancially irresponsible
\nUnable to cope productively with anger at others, self, the world, or circumstances
\nInterest in pornography
\nDrinking or drug use
\nSmokes
\nGambles
\nLazy
\nProcrastinates
\nGossips
\nInappropriate social behavior
\nVain
\nJudgmental
\nPessimist
\nFlirtatious
\nRacist
\nPoor hygiene
\nHypocritical
\nSelf-centered
\nVictim mentality
\nHolds grudges
\nEmotionally immature\/emotionally stifled
\nUnhappy in life
\nInability to admit wrong or apologize
\nLack of communication
\nSense of entitlement
\nInflexible\/rigid
\nLack of self-awareness
\nWasted\/unutilized talent
\nPolitically unaware
\nUnhappy with immediate family
\nMaterialistic
\nWorkaholic
\nWorrier
\nArrogant
\nIt is important not to rush while choosing your life partner. Take your time to learn and understand who you are, your life goals, and what you are looking for in a spouse and in marriage. What kind of life do you want to lead? Once you have a clearer picture of these answers, make sure you know who your potential spouse is. Have you seen him or her interact with other people? How are they around family and friends? How do they treat the people who service them (waiters, drivers, employees, etc.)? How do they act when they’re impatient or angry? <\/p>\n
Lastly, make sure you follow the parameters set by Allah (S). They are in place out of His infinite wisdom to ensure your protection. Remember, Allah (S) puts His blessings in everything done for His sake. If you are on this journey, we pray that you find your other half and that you bring light into each other’s lives!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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