Modern day \u201cdating\u201d\u2014I use quotations because for Muslim Americans, it\u2019s not the typical kind of dating\u2014is pretty difficult to navigate. Add the convenience of having the ability to swipe right and left whenever you get bored with whomever you are seeing and you have a recipe for disaster. Now, piling on another layer of complexity, some of us are so jaded from previous experiences that we write off potentials in less time than it takes to deactivate your Minder account. For me, the truth is, a guy never stood a chance because before I even met him, I already decided he would be just like the rest.<\/p>\n
Instead of spending my energy actually getting to know guys, I had made up my mind that they would be complete and utter disappointments. I was a self-proclaimed, \u201cman-hater\u201c. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by men at work or maybe it was because I came across some low-quality guys, but once one showed interest in me I began my spiral to self-destruction.<\/p>\n
I was right, I am always right, I\u2019d be right again this time.
\nI set every man up for failure with my preconceived notions and concluded that:<\/p>\n
He would be a liar
\nHe\u2019d constantly be late
\nHe would never surprise me
\nMy parents wouldn\u2019t like him
\nHis parents wouldn\u2019t like me
\nHe wouldn\u2019t be as ambitious as I am
\nHe wouldn\u2019t realize how smart I am
\nHe would be playing me.. and a dozen other girls
\nHe wouldn\u2019t appreciate me
\nHe wouldn\u2019t sacrifice for me
\nHe wouldn\u2019t always pay on our dates
\nHe would try to get in my pants
\nHe wouldn\u2019t get me
\nBefore we even had our first date, I was playing the breakup in my mind. I was right, I am always right, I\u2019d be right again this time.<\/p>\n
I wrote off every slip of character as an epic flaw
\nThe scenario was always the same; I\u2019d meet or be introduced to a guy. We would chat and sometimes immediately hit it off. But as soon as I got comfortable, I was on the hunt- searching endlessly through my predetermined list of fuck ups for him to prove that I was right. He was going to somehow fail me and I would have to end things with him because he was just like the rest. And I obviously deserved the best.<\/p>\n
Imagine being this guy, and trying to court a girl who scrutinized you under a magnifying glass, waiting for you to slip up so she could write you off like the dozens before you. I was that girl for most of my mature adult life. I was dismissing guys because I wrote off every slip of character as an epic flaw that I would never be able to live with. I actually sometimes stopped responding to texts and calls because I didn\u2019t have the energy to tell them I had already decided, for no good reason, that they were no good for me.<\/p>\n
I was a self-proclaimed, \u201cman-hater\u201c.
\nAnd then I realized I was alone and would always be alone as long as I didn\u2019t give anyone a real shot at getting to know me. So I finally decided that I was going to let myself be wrong. I got out of my own head and let fate take the wheel. I stopped looking for a flaw in every person who came along and instead learned to give them the benefit of the doubt and accept that, hello, people are human. It wasn\u2019t that I was lowering my standards, but rather I was erasing the preconceived notions from my mind.<\/p>\n
I gave myself a real chance at getting to know these guys who came along and decided to change the narrative in my head.<\/p>\n
I decided instead that:<\/p>\n
He would always be honest
\nSometimes he wouldn\u2019t be on time and sometimes he would
\nHe would surprise me when I least expected it
\nMy parents would love him
\nHis parents would love me
\nHe would be as ambitious as I am- if not more
\nHe would appreciate my intelligence
\nHe would be devoted to me
\nHe would appreciate me and show me he did in his own simple ways
\nHe would sacrifice for me when necessary
\nHe would always pay on our dates and I\u2019d offer too, because it\u2019s fair
\nHe would respect me and my body and never cross the line
\nHe would get me, and more so, he would love me
\nI told myself that instead of going out and trying to find someone, maybe I just wasn\u2019t ready to meet anyone and that\u2019s why I was writing guys off\u2014 deciding they were no good before they even had a chance to prove otherwise. I was too busy trying to be right to ever really give someone a chance. Being right was costing me more than I realized. I didn\u2019t have to let my guard down, I just had to open my heart to appreciate the imperfections instead of seeking perfection.<\/p>\n
In an era of social media where everyone\u2019s life seems to be perfect, it\u2019s important to take a step back and realize that sometimes we have to instead let fate and Allah\u2019s (SWT) plan unfold. We have to erase the picture perfect image in our minds, erase the mistakes of others and stop using that as a basis for our future encounters. Maybe you\u2019ll never meet your perfect match but there\u2019s no reason to write anyone off before ever giving them a real shot at proving themselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Modern day \u201cdating\u201d\u2014I use quotations because for Muslim Americans, it\u2019s not the typical kind of dating\u2014is pretty difficult to navigate. Add the convenience of having the ability to swipe right and left whenever you get bored with whomever you are seeing and you have a recipe for disaster. Now, piling on another layer of complexity, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1886,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[321],"tags":[657,1111,1107,923,1109,1110],"class_list":["post-1885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-for-singles","tag-american-muslims","tag-dating-advice","tag-muslim-dating","tag-muslim-love","tag-muslim-men","tag-muslim-women"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1885"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1888,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1885\/revisions\/1888"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1885"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1885"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondchai.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1885"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}