Ever wish you could read your husband\u2019s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.<\/p>\n
However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.<\/p>\n
Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.<\/p>\n
The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.
\nSo, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.<\/p>\n
This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn\u2019t know how, or want, to tell you.<\/p>\n
1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect<\/strong><\/p>\n I spoke about this in my article \u201cLove or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?\u201d.<\/p>\n In this article, I explained that women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.<\/p>\n It\u2019s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.<\/p>\n You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn\u2019t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.<\/p>\n This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says: 2. He Desires Your Loyalty<\/strong><\/p>\n This goes hand in hand with respect.There\u2019s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.I\u2019m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.What I\u2019m talking about is knowing that the person whom you\u2019ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.<\/p>\n Most men won\u2019t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.And it\u2019s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.<\/p>\n Your husband needs to know that you\u2019re going to be by his side if:<\/p>\n – He loses his job and the money gets tight. If you\u2019re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he\u2019ll be loyal to you.<\/p>\n 3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often<\/strong><\/p>\n Let\u2019s get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it\u2019s the truth.Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.<\/p>\n So when you give him the following excuses:<\/p>\n – \u201cI\u2019ve got a headache.\u201d
\nMen are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband\u2019s] absence what Allah would have them guard.
\nChapter 4, Verse 34<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n– He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
\n– His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.
\nYou should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).<\/p>\n
\n– \u201cI\u2019m not feeling good.\u201d
\n– \u201cCan\u2019t it wait till the weekend? I\u2019m really not in the mood.\u201d
\nKnow that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn\u2019t show it.And do this often enough, he\u2019s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.<\/p>\n